Mans View Vs Gods

Dear Diary,

Well got a letter from Ex last night. Basically saying that I need to look at the ROOT of what caused our problems. How I claim he has been abusive to me but I wont look at the ROOT. That I left counselors once we got to the ROOT of the problem.

Ahhh joy. I would so love to respond to him. But i wont. It wont do any good. He still cannot take responsibility for himself. I walked out on a Pastor and a Christian therapist years ago. First off let me state I SET UP the counseling! I did all the homeworks we were supposed to do. The Pastor we were under was the biggest abuse factor I think in our marriage. I man who grabs people by shirt collars and yells at them, and tells people to GET MARRIED or get out of his church, and uses the word FAG in sermons, and publicly humiliates a couple who lived together outside of marriage and forces them to walk out of the church in front of everyone, Well I dont consider that HEALTHY. So YES I walked out of the pastors office. I had enough of living this way.

After that we got a christian counselor, well I did, in another attempt to save my marriage. I CALLED. I had enough of the pastor but wanted a christian environment. Only to sit thru a session after my husband blasted a big hole in the living room wall and drove erractic, but then called the counselor before the session and told her he was sorry(Forget making it right with me!) He covered his butt with her without me knowing, then a counselor telling me to “Move out because your husband is the head of the home and he says so” So YES I walked out of that center, counselors are to be impartial. My Ex is not stupid. He manipulates everywhere he goes.

We did seek another counselor, and I never quit that one. The marriage just didnt make it and we separated. SO umm lets see, Ive stayed in counseling ever since, and he hasnt.

I also went to another church part of last year and counseled with these pastors, but they refused to counsel my Ex and I unless it was face to face. My Ex wanted PHONE counseling. Pastor said “No It wont work, I cant look in his eyes or read his body language” That was the first person to see beyond my Exs facade. And look how that went? My Ex never went to counseling there.

And the last pastor? haha, my Ex just said I need to continue with him. First off I left that church also. You know the one where women have to wear ankle long skirts, men ties, and cant have long hair or spikey hair? Where if the men wanna date the women they have to go before pastor to ask for permission? Where any type of music even christian is wrong unless sung and played with pianos or horns, No guitars allowed. And I can go on?

Mind you the pastor was a nice man. And I did call him a few mos back with an issue my ex said the pastor said to him. Only to find out my Ex lied. My Ex does not know that I called and relayed what was said to me.

Im at peace now with myself and God. That was the toughest thing for me last year. Hearing the churches opionion, my ex manipulating and using my faith as a tool to control me. I reached my limit. It doesnt matter anymore, Nobody is going to GUILT Me into staying any longer.

My Lord loves me, he knows my heart. What man says anymore really doesnt matter to me.