Stirring the Pot

Dear Diary,

I do need to say. Lisa Ive had it with the private comments. They are not encouraging or helpful.

So Im asking you personally to just stop reading or commenting here. Im not sure why you continue to even read me if you disagree with things I do. I can respect people with differing opinions. But yours are different, your on a different page then I am. TOTALLY. And I guess its not like your some newcomer reading me, but you do not even seem to relate or understand what type of a man Im dealing with.

While I dont disagree with some things you say, these parts I dont appreciate…

“Well, I have to agree. You’ve stirred the pot. I think that (and this is only my opinion) you like to use your concern about the kids as a reason to contact him. You like to take stabs at him. Do you have a right to do that? No. Not legally. He could go after you for harrassment. Tread lightly there. You have the right to question medical insurance but not auto. What’s next? Does he have renter’s insurance in case something happens when the children are with him at his place?Stop worrying about him and how he is as a parent. All that you can do is be the best Mom that you can be. You are carrying way too much baggage. Don’t you realize how by all this nitpicking and worrying about him doing this and him doing that will have a negative effect? You probably don’t show it around your kids…or do you?”

I am so afraid to ask anything of my ex, and for a person to think I enjoyed this??? And its not some random out of the blue question for no reason, do you read anything else I say? You want me to stop caring about what he does, but the fact is much of what he does IMPACTS the children, and there are things that are WRONG, ILLEGAL, and UNACCEPTABLE.

Look the guy has ignored court ORDERS, Court dates, Child suppor orders, stopped paying the childrens health insurance and LIED about it along with their dental. Continues to LIE.

So I have every right to Ask him if hes driving with Auto Insurance. That is not harrassment by asking.

So if you need a little idea of the type of support group I have, here ya go…

“Vicky,

I think this lady has valid points! IF that was what you were doing!!!

You requiring to KNOW if he has insurance is NOT out of line. After all it is a law, like driving with a seat belt on.

Ask this lady… WOULD she allow her kids to be in a neighbors car without insurance? Forget that it is your ex, would you want this with any other non insured driver? AH, the answer would be NO!

NOT to mention, would YOU even allow another child to be in your car IF you weren’t insured?

I feel it is saying… “stop being a low life, step up to the plate, and play by the rules of society…….. THEIR safety (or providing for, should an accident happen) is important too… IT’S not all about YOU.”

This lady, might be trying to pass on something she learned while going through divorce. Maybe that is what she did, nit pick to keep the drama and connection going.

It sounds like she is assuming YOUR motives are the same as her’s was/is or whatever.”

“Vicky,Vicky, I don’t like the attitudes of the two people who said you “stir the pot”. You H plays confusion games with you; on certain things, especially where your children are concerned, you should be able to know the truth. Driving without insurance or an unregistered vehicle is illegal period. This might be a way to get information so you have a better idea of what you’re dealing with. Tell a police officer your H is game playing with you about insurance and ask the officer what would happen to your children if husband was caught without current insurance or driving an unregistered vehicle, tell him the parking ticket story too. Ask them what would happen to your children if they were in the car with him. Call your insurance company and ask them what could happen. Also, call DMV/MVA, you can tell them, anonymously if you want, what he’s saying about insurance and unregistered vehicle. Call an attorney, mediator, court system, and ask them what the legal system would think of a parent driving their children in an uninsured or unregistered vehicle. This way you’ll know whether you have a right to demand a copy of his car insurance or that he not drive with the children in an unregistered vehicle. It’s a possibility too that those actions on his behalf would have no affect on the children. Then you could just drop it because you’d know he is just trying to get a reaction out of you.

Too answer your main question, many times my H has used the confusion technique, and that’s why I use the “back door” technique above of evaluating a situation before I decide to get engaged. I’ve found my H is trying to put doubt and confusion in my mind and just wants to get me excited and upset – keep me on the edge.”

“Vicky, I don’t blame you for being concerned! Just know that I support you in wanting to know. The worse thing would be if your children were injured . . . and then add the fact there is no insurance. Yikes . . . can you spell *b*a*n*k*r*u*p*t*c*y*? You are wise to keep alert to the situation and do what you can to rectify for the sake of your children and for your peace of mind!”

”

Vicky…Vicky…calm down. You are NOT stirring the pot or the pan or the stainless steel bakeware. You are TRYING to get what you need. You don’t need to listen to people who obviously don’t know your unique situation. I think it’s great you’re pushing your ex for information. This is about your kids’ safety. Keep pushing the envelope when it comes to your little ones. You’re the only one concerned about their safety.”

”

(((Vicky))))

No, IMO, you are NOT stirring the pot. Your XH is. He has been using the legal system to control your divorce, settlement and all other issues tied to it. Someone said something similar to me recently, and I took great offense.

Vicky, we are not driving their insanity; we are trying to disconnect, finish the details around our divorce. People who are not experiencing this particular type of insanity have no understanding of how well the legal system works for abusers. I’m with ya, toots.

Hang in there.”

“Vicky,

When it comes to the safety of your children you have every right to “stir the pot” if that’s what you want to call it. I just see it as you being concerned for them and for sounds of you should be. Don’t beat yourself up over this one. You’re acting the way any mother would.

I too would be concerned from his history to have my kids ride in a car with him. Geez, talk about panic attacks. I’d have one every time they went with him. But you can only do what you have the ability and power to do.”

And in the words of Music dude to close “Victoria, Who the fuck said that to you? You know the score with your ex, dont listen to her”

So hope this sheds some light into my world, of dealing with an Abuser.