Blood Test Results

Dear Diary,

Well I think I forgot to write. I called and got my blood test results. Everything came back normal so I dont have mono, epstein bar, strep, they also checked my blood sugars and thyroid.

I spoke to big sister about how I have been feeling and its been pretty much since I went off for stress leave at my job. I havent been the same. I used to do so much, Im amazed at how much I was doing and juggling, big sis said I was running off adrenaline which my mom has said also. Always a crisis or big stress and fear over something. Now im relaxing, big sis said how she almost took a year to get more normal after the thing with her ex husband.

Im not depressed, Im just not as energetic. I am so thankful to be working 3 days a week and seriously cannot at this point fathom working more then this. Im not ready for it.

Today I crashed on the couch for a brief nap. I was just drained and then the thing with Dad just upset me.

So perhaps my body is just going through some major changes, much needed rest as Ive been running like a maniac ever since my ex husband and I split up. I have lived in a lot of fear and juggled way too much, the ex husband stress, the job stress, issues with B, and then the Work Stress Clinic really helped get me toned down and recentered. But I have to say, I even went and wrote a comment today to Suze Orman for her book “Young Fabulous and Broke” Because its what started me considering I could leave my job and it may be healthy to do so, it helped me break out of the FEAR and being stuck there in an unhappy situation.

And then Ive been just gradually tweaking MYSELF. My dependency on someone to make me happy and have learned to enjoy my own company for the first time in my life!

And changes with my atttitude with B.

The stress levels are going way down, and my body is just tired. So perhaps Im just recooperating. Hell, its like living in Post Traumatic Stress for YEARS, cause really thats a lot of the stuff, the past, control issues, dealing with so much and things along the road triggering past thoughts.

It feels good to emotionally feel better, its just my body isnt working like it used to. It wants to rest now, relax and wont let me keep going. Like I said, Im amazed at how much i did in a day before…. I really dont know how I did it now, looking at my formal self exhausts me!

This weekend I will be taking it easy. My brother is supposed to come out sunday, I said Id come over, but I think Im gonna cancel,oldest got invited to a party also. Mom was gonna go buy food, but I think I will just call and tell her I dont want to come over with the way Dad has been, I will tell Brother or encourage him to come by, but I doubt he will, hes coming out here because hes dropping one of his hunting dogs off with the trainer. Bird Hunting dogs he has,,,

I really like what my girlfriend K does on the holidays, but her family is smaller, they go and rent a vacation rental in Cambria and spend the holiday there. You can get a fully furnished house and cook and all… ah I would love to do such a thing but my family seems to do the traditional everyone meet at one of our homes, would be nice to do something different some year but with all the families and kids, not everyone is up to it.

I told B lets plan a vacation to Hawaii, hes game to it. I said we could start saving…. but then perhaps when we get our tax refunds cause I know he will get one too, we can just put some of that money aside and then plan it when the kids go with their Dad for a week, and spend a week in Hawaii. Ahhh wouldnt that be wonderful? I really have to chill my travels right now. I cant afford it really anyways,,, not right now. I work less, I have credit cards to pay off and I will be in the clear when tax time comes, but for now I have to conserve, and like I said, focus on cleaning out my home… I really need to snap pics for all of you to see what Im dealing with! LOL

Later