Ex at Sisters

Dear Diary,

Hiya, for those who regularly read, go one entry back as I wrote one but didnt have an update email sent.

Well its almost midnight, I just hung up with B, we had been on the phone for HOURS.

He just was falling asleep so we called it a night.

Had a good long talk, I did some crying, we talked about us, being together more, our differences, he said “Do you fear that we wont end up together in the future?” I said “Yes” I said “Do you?” He said “Yes and No. I think we get along really well together, but at the same time, I fear Im not good enough for you, that I cant make you happy and give you all that you need. But I think even if we came to a place where we werent together, it wouldnt be nasty and I hate you, it would be just us saying “Hey I love you, but I dont think this will work”

And I agree with all that he said.

I fear that. I told him we are both different, and that we view so many things so differently that its hard to get them in sync, and thats the stuff I fear. That I know he loves me and all of that, and I am not here to cut him down and all, I just think we both have different ideals that we are trying to blend.

I told him I dont like being the iniator, the one to ask where we are going, what we are doing, is he moving here,,,, etc etc.

That I want to see things come from the person, and not me making requests, that if a person wants the same, they do it, if they are doing it just because I ask, well it doesnt feel the same.

I talked about many other things, and he talked about his end of things.

How he doesnt feel he can spend time with his friends, that he rarely does so and when he does he feels like Im upset. And I hate to admit, its the truth, and I cant exactly pinpoint all the way. I just know I get annoyed.

To sum it up? Well I dont get him all the time as it is, so when he takes a time out with a friend, it usually elimates some time I would have had, so yes I get crabby about it. And I dont know half the time where he is, what they are doing, I dont get phone calls…. that we live so far apart, that I really dont know what hes like or what hes up too. That when Im out for a day, the way that I am, I pop in little calls or I love yous, that I think of him and wish he was there often times….

Its just the way that I am, and I like having that reciprocated.

Anyways,,,,

So hes coming up tomm he said.

I spent half the day at D’s new rental house. I love it! Didnt I say I loved her last little house? Well this is a newer track home by a park. On a culdesac. I love her house, I love the street, I love her neighbors! I want it!

But a reminder. Her rent payment is more then double my mortgage,,, sigghhhhh

She had a bday party for her 4 yr old. So the kids and I spent the day over, and her new neighbors are a 30 something couple with a 4 yr old. And the wife was totally cool. I loved being there today. I love the feel of th e neighborhood. My friend B lived in this track for many years, and it seemed all the neighbors were all buddies, just like is happening in D’s new spot.

I tend to be in places where people keep to themselves, except for my new neighbors on my right. By the way, the wife and I talked friday night, shes saying things are too well with their marriage and shes talking divorce, they are going to counseling starting this next week.

Basically same routine, she commutes, works her ass off, comes home and makes dinner, tends to the 2 kids, she has the good paying job.

He works nights for a grocery store, wont go to school or try to better himself or get a better job, is almost close to getting his high school diploma but wont go finish.

He feeds the kids crap during the day and doesnt do anything around the house or the yard, she has to push him to do it, and hes being stupid and jealous of her and any men around her. Accusations, etc…

She said the night she took the baby to the hospital he said he was going in to work, that pissed her off because she knew the baby was sick and felt he should have gone to the hospital and called into work, but she ended up being the one sitting in the hospital with the baby and ended up the baby was kept for 2 days as she was severly dehydrated.

Ahhh yes.

Shes telling me not to get married again,,, the neighbor friend at D’s house said “You know I love my husband dont get me wrong, but if he ever pulled some crap and I divorced, Im not getting married again”

But then Im around D, whos all talking marriage to her boyfriend and where they will live, etc etc

My big sister and I talked a long time last night, about being with a man who is a FAMILY man, who is into his family, not all that he can do without them, or where he just goes to work and provides but the kids and wife are kinda on their own. My sister is talking a lot about God also and going to church again.

So get this… she calls me today while Im at D’s. Says “Your ex husband called, he is on his way over to my house right now. Ill call you after he lives and let you know whats up”

Bleh,,,, well she never called, I called her house and No answer, her cell also.

She has always been weird in regards to my ex husband, if others recall she even talked of him moving in with them awhile back,,, I was all upset and called middle sis over her offering that, Middle sis was shocked big sister said that.

For whatever reason she has this soft spot for my ex, when I talk about the crap he did to me, she just dismisses it as him being mental, he called her after I told him that they were splitting up, he was sweet and defensive and told my sister how awesome she was and how much she did for the guy and then my ex said to me “Your sister is the kinda woman any guy would die to have”

So yeah, Im like Why the fuck is he going over there,,,,,

And why is she letting him….

B and I were talking about it tonight. Hes all “Do you think hed try to bone your sister?” I said “I dont think soo”

But its all just weird ya know? Seems nothing would surprise me anymore, although I dont think that would happen.

Its just there should be a line, especially with family, he treated me like shit and doesnt support his kids…. Im her sister, hes my ex.

Will wait to hear what happened tomm I guess.