Dating Websites

Dear Diary,

Omgosh Im sooo tired, well my body is. I havent worked on my legs in weeks since my knee was bugging me. I just played it safe. And today my gym buddy taught me how to use a new piece of equipment. So my legs are all shaky, I was driving home and it was hard to keep my foot on the brake, my legs are silly putty right now.

Music Dude messaged me this AM, I told him my news about the flowers. All my friends are aware of how B has been with gifts and how hes never sent me flowers. So he was like “Wow, Victoria, Im so happy for you” And Mr Comedy is all “Wow, maybe B is finally getting it!”

Anyways, Music dude tells me he was doing really crappy, that his friend called him last night and tried to commit suicide, and he had to call 911. Police had to come, kick the door in, he said she was in the hospital but had no idea how she was doing.

I felt so bad for him, in a way I was angry, hes got so much to deal with right now and has felt this way himself, then someone to call and burden him with all that pressure. But then again, she was crying out for help, I guess I just hate to see him in the world hes in. I just wanted to say “My God you need to move away from all that drama of Hollywood” Everyone on Medication, drugs, alcohol, his old employer abusing him and on and on.

Well I got an email the other day from FriendFinder.com that I had a profile on there. I was all huh? It said it found my matches for me?? I tried logging into the site with passwords I used to create but couldnt get it so had to send for it, then I got in and OMGOSH, I so dont even remember when I wrote the profile, and it had my photo and all! It must have been right before Ex and I separated or right afterwards and I was just getting to know B.

So I was like OMGOSH! Because well, B has gone through that site, remember how I found out he was searching the site (Well he was in the adult section tho) Anyways, so it just made me wonder if he ever found my profile on there. And then I felt stupid.

I went to find out how to remove the profile and they dont make it all simple for you, then you have to click this other box to remove instant renewal. I swear I havent gotten any emails or anything. So it was strange its been up there all this time and they just sent me an email when I havent been getting emails?? But I went and removed it. I also told him that night about it, I was up front about it, and well I guess I said it to him to let him know I was on the site and removing myself and how I didnt even know I was.

Funny how a day later he orders me flowers?

Anyways, Im just noticing a change in B. Hes more wanting to be around me, his usual responses are changing. I emailed him about the weekend. Usually he goes to train friday nights after work, gets in late, so I just asked him when he was getting in, because Id find something to do and go up late. And anyways he said “Your going to come to hang out with me this weekend and watch me pack to move and laugh at me n stuff” And I was like Woa, yes sir. lol It turned me on lol. To hear him say that. Hes usually so reserved, Mr “I dont care, what do you want to do?”

And we had that talk a week ago about how I said “When will I get to see you again?” And he said “Victoria, when you say that its like fingers on a chalkboard, it rubs me wrong, you make it sound like I rarely see you. I want to see you” And we had a talk about that too.

Im noticing how Im starting to talk positively about B to my guy pals.

And it feels nice.

So I cant wait, I get to go see B and go to his place tomorrow night. YAY! I get to sleep over and snuggle with my honey.

I wrote ex and email about the kids for the weekend, well he wrote in his response that he spoke to our former old Youth Pastor. He said “He said to tell you hi and your in his prayers” I swear thats all I hear, “Everyones praying for you Victoria” “Victoria Im praying for you”

I just always say “Ok” to that.

He was telling me the guy is now full time pastor in a big city church, he wasnt aware I already knew all that. My girlfriend in San Diego is friends with another couple we went to church with that moved from our area up to where he was and her hubby was leading worship in his church.

I havent talked to this guy since right before Ex and I split up. Hes a really on fire bold christian man. Always was. He did some wonderful things for us, and he actually talked to my ex after the christian therapist told me I had to move out of my house because my ex was the head of the home and said So. I called this old youth pastor of ours, because my ex was yelling at me to get out, and I was like “No, you are not God, nor is that counselor” He was flipping thru his Bible trying to find a verse to say I had to move out. And it was the former youth pastor who I called and calmed my ex down and told him the counselor was a quack job.

Well Im just so tired physically tonight, I worked out hard today, I pushed myself, and now Im totally feeling it.

Laters!