Kids/Men

Dear Diary,

Morning. The guy just called me about the shower. I have been so busy I keep telling myself to call him then I forget. Its been like 3 weeks! He just called and said he can come tomm to spray down the wood, he has to put a chemical to kill the mold/mildew.

I also have to call the youngest childs dentist today(make sure I did it okay friends? I might forget!) I have to set up an Orthodontist consult, they have one come in, its free, dentist said youngest will need some teeth pulled but she is not sure which ones, the orthondist will say.

He lost a crown and then the tooth that it was on came out like a week ago, so that tooth is a goner now. It was a root canal many years ago so it held up long enough at least to keep the space there for his teeth to come in properly but now I have no clue what they want to do to him, his mouth is crowded, the xray I saw like a year ago was nuts, she just looked at me and said “Mommy! His mouth is so crowded” So he basically needs teeth pulled. And Im NOT looking forward to going through all that with him, but what can you do?

I dont want him with a jacked up smile and mouth. And I can see the teeth are coming in strange, just not enough room.

I went in yesterday after work to get my work done on my teeth, the girl I saw said I chipped the filling, the dentist said it was the tooth, so she had to remove the filling, smooth out the chipped area, and I guess I had a neighboring small cavity shed been watching and did it for free with the other stuff. 🙂 Glad thats over with.

Got home with my numb mouth, I play Literati on yahoo often. So played a game, I still loose though dangit!

Got the kids and my oldest was super hyper, running around in the after school program with some other kid, he was jumping all over him and grabbing him and the leaders were all “HANDS OFF” they have a rule called “Hands Off” at the school, not to touch another type thing. And my oldest wasnt chilling out, he was in that excited but acting stupid mood, I had to yell at him several times.

We got in the vehicle and I reminded him of the school rules and the paper he just signed 2 weeks prior saying hed follow them. Then youngest says “He was talking about naked girls!” Im all “Huh?” Oldest denies it, I ask, youngest said another classmate told him, I pry, oldest plays stupid. So what tactic works? “So if I ask him tomm what he said he will tell me you said nothing right?” And he said “Okay, no” and put his head down. By the way this weekend, the kids ate dessert, drank this special drink I got, all Sunday AM before B and I awoke, and they were forbid from it night before for not eating their dinner. And my youngest took my Gatorade and lied and had it in his backpack, yada yada yada,….. so Im just so sick of these lies.

We got home, had dinner, kids did homework, thankfully this year I dont think the homework load is as bad. Different style teachers.

I just think of the family I used to live with and take care of their kids when they lived out here for elementary school. They moved when the kids got near High school/Jr High to a nice city in the Valley. She had to get tutors for 2 of her kids and they had a rough year as they were so behind in education compared to the school systems there.

Thats the stuff that concerns, its really the main reason Id prefer to move, better school district, and a good neighborhood for my kids to play in. But I just remind myself I can put them in private school, instead of a larger house payment, I have a low one, and when the time comes I can use that money for schooling if I so choose.

Some kids came to the door after dinner, I was annoyed thinking they were selling crap, we get a lot of kids who look like crap selling candy in tubs, with no manners, etc.

So they asked me if I had an exercise machine for sale! If I havent written, I have a stair machine Ive been wanting to get rid of, its bulky, heavy, the movement isnt very smooth, I used it years back, but it just sat for too long, so Ive been trying to sell it, I put it out sat out front cause some other neighbors had a yard sale.

So they hauled it off, and I got $10! haha wooohooo!(really I was happy to get it out and something for it!)

B was stressing yesterday, work has been swamped, he worked till 7pm. Last night I called him and woke him up. He got I guess some acess to a work manual and all from home now which he was thrilled about.

He was just wiped out. Hes intense with things, very driven and it becomes so important. Its weird, watching men, how they handle things.

I listen to Dr. Laura as you all know. And women often call in griping about their men or things they do. She tells them we are wired differently. I do believe there is some truth to that. She talks about how men arent really emotional, how they want to provide, not that men arent emotional, its just that they arent like us as women, and we get upset that they arent. But if they were they wouldnt be who they are.

I dont know, wether or not I end up with B for the future, time will tell. But I just wonder about my expectations on a man and what I want. Will I ever be happy? I know its easy for people to say yes, etc etc.

I was laying there a few nights ago and thinking about the qualities I DO NOT want. The ones that drove me from my marriage. They were “Irresponsible, Controlling, Jealous, Poor with money” Really those were the issues.

But I would say there was also lack of priority time, togetherness, looking back, yes my ex was controlling and wanted me to himself and to monopolize my time when he was around. YET at the same time, when we went to functions(outings, family events) He pretty much became a spaz, wanted attention, was social but just pretty much took off, I was left with the two tiny tots and hed be off having fun. He also worked too long sometimes, I was pissed off he wasnt back for a church christmas eve service. I was ready to cry as I felt it was important for us and it was the holiday( we were in church at the time back in the day) He used to go to church, get up and use the restroom about 10 min into the sermon and not come back, I used to get really angry about that, hed go hang out with the pastors son and BS( son was there for am service already) And Id sit alone, and Id wonder why on earth was he going?

Just a lot of scenarios like that.

Hmm forgot, there was a lot of Double Standards with him. Hed say I should do things and judge and act all holy man yet not do things himself.

Anyways, I was talking about Men, and Women. I was at the dentist and saw a magazine cover with a title that read “DIVORCE: Why more women are leaving and why the men dont even see it coming”

I mean we are strong creatures and really a lot of women do juggle it all, in a way I just dont think most men could handle. I dont think it makes one of us better then the other. But we make it so men are n ot necessary, just an extra perk or fun or what have you. I mean I believe in a sense of the traditional aspects of a relationship. So my point was, we focus so much on negatives and not positives and seeing a persons strengths but complain about what they arent doing, I mean do we want meterosexual men? I dont know, I dont know what I want.

I sit there and try to dream and look at myself in relationships. Like with B.
With B I see us totally be better off financially together, savings, plans, B and I talked about this, he said we could invest, I mean really wed be good together financially, wed both totally benefit.

I see him as going to work and being a good provider. Funny eh? I didnt see that ohhh? Just a year and a half ago? And here he has done it!

His course has been forever changed, the guy now has a skill he can use anywhere, and its all about moving up with where he is, and he does have those plans in his horizon.

We discussed kids, he said hed really just probably get a vasectomy, that he doesnt think he wants to have a kid. So that would leave us to raise the boys, and then wed be free on our own. We could travel, move, so much wide open you know?

Well Im losing my train of thought, so going to submit this entry since its long already, more later!