Proper Care of Men

Dear Diary,

Morning.

Drove in from B’s place today, stayed over last night.

WOA

His place, I understand why hes pissed, man the landlord is a bit odd.

See hes been renting a room out of this womans townhome, its a nice place. B’s roomate left the other day to move to FL. Then the woman gave B notice this past weekend she isnt going to find another roomie for the other room but sell the Townhome. So B will have to find a new home here also. But hes still a tenant, she told him he had about 2-3 months.

Sooo, the last day before the other roomie is to go, the toilet overflows or leaks(not sure what was wrong with it, but guess the guy had told her a month ago and she hadnt fixed it yet)

SOOOO it leaked horribly upstairs and into the downstairs.

So try having a guy whos packing to move, major water damage and crews in at the same time. They tore out parts of the cieling, they tore up the kitchen wood flooring, they have the kitchen area masked off, there are huge heaters everywhere to dry out the moisture. B was going to make dinner yesterday and comes home to the kitchen totally quarantined off, he described it looking like “ET” the movie. I laughed cause he was right, theres like a zipper to get into the kitchen. So B said “To come home to that? No word to warn me? Here I was going to make dinner that night and I cant even get to the stove or fridge or anything?

Plus the place has these heaters upstairs and downstairs so it was hot. So he went around and shut all the vents so the AC would only blow in his room.

So we go to rummage through his roomates room and what he left behind.

Can I just say what slobs guys are? I mean cmon. The guy left clothes, towels, paperwork, photos, boxes, trash, condomns you name it strewn all over the floor.

I thought the guy was neater then B, but guess not!

But his room was cool, its smaller then Bs but the bathroom has a jacuzzi tub! It also has a small balcony and a fireplace! Bs just had more space and a bigger closet.

I mainly grabbed paper pads, glue, calculator, tape, printer paper, stuff like that, mostly for my kids for school as there was some stuff like that left behind and a bunch of quarters and dimes all over the place.

I did take a little table, its small, would be perfect for one of the kids rooms.

But whats even weirder is that the woman who is renting the place to them. I guess her furniture is still in it, like the living room couches and curtains, certain items, so in the other dudes room is an armoire, and its full of her stuff???? Im like “She left this here?” Its like womens shoes, her photo albums, I always noticed how the closets looked as there were stuff thrown in them(Not nicely) that I didnt think belonged to the other guy.

She still had toiletries in the other dudes bathroom from when she used to live there??? Weird Im telling you.

And the lady walks in and out whenever she wants to the townhome, just barges in.

So B has loved the price and the space, the location, yes it is a nice townhome and place its in. But he will not miss her and just her way of things going down as of late.

Hes all “UMM HELLO? I live here!”

We had a helluva time finding wine glasses of his he had on the counter last night, he had to move plastic and search.

I got out to his place close to 6pm and we went to the Corner Bakery for dinner, had a Pomidoro? I believe its called sandwich.

We went to Cost Plus and picked up some wine to take home.

I returned my second copy of Sweet Home Alabama with the scratched DVD and was able to get another movie instead for free, so I got Bad Santa and we laid down in bed and watched it. Definately not something to watch around children, it was funny in a sick perverted bad humor way. The story was actually quite cute underneath all the BAD Santa…

B liked it, hes all “This is so me” the humor that is.

I told him “Are we going to have to go get you a Santa Hat now?” And he laughed( See the movie and youll know what Im talking about)

We got to bed before 11pm! Wooohooo, we just curled up after the movie and passed out.

So I got my teeth cleaned yesterday, glad to know I didnt chip my tooth a few mos ago, I just chipped the filling, so will have to have it replaced, booooo.

I cleaned up the house, vacuumed, did laundry, got the trash out and the large bulky items for the special pickup.

Went to the gym, then went to Barnes and Noble. YAY! I finally made it! But hope to go back soon to read some more.

I got a Caramel Frappucino, been awhile since I had one( boy was I jittery ont he drive to Bs!)

But I treated myself since its been sometime since I had one.

So I found the book. Yes, I have been wanting to read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura.

I listen to her show and info on the book often and it has had me so curious, so I have been dying to read it, but didnt want to buy it.

SOOO! I officially read the Intro chapter online( you can read it on amazon) then I read all of chapter 1 and part of 2.

You know, so far, i think its pretty good.

See, I came from a home where my parents stayed together. But they are not in love, not respectful, my mom basically modeled for me “Im smarter then you father, hes stupid and an idiot, you dont need a man to make you happy, we women can do it all ourselves”

And then I went into my church and was modeled “Wives submit, obey, do for your husbands even if you dont want to, do what you are told”

I read a book called “Me, Obey Him?” and I remember reading all these stories of women in the Bible and how their husbands even did wrong sinful things but said the wives still supported them, didnt question them, yada yada yada … YEAH my ex loved it when I read these books.

But there was no mention of a man being accountable for his sinful actions, I believe that is important also, but the book had no mention of that, it was more of a woman accept and be a doormat at all costs.

So believe me Ive read and heard my share of various views of marriage.

So I guess what caught my eye about Dr. Lauras book is the nice blend of it all. How women have gotten so caught up, what the feminist movement has done and the extreme its gone the other way. Women say they can do it all and have it all. They are very ME centered now.

And yes reading it I see much truth in it, how we women will bitch and complain about things our partners/spouses do, but then dont realize what we are doing to our men. If our men did or said the very things we said to them wed go nuts.

And the book talked about how women are just spreading themselves to thin, Dr Laura isnt against women working or things like that, its more of the goals and why you are doing what you are doing and what is it accomplishing, etc etc.

Like how women work full time, and are too tired when they get home to even hug or greet their partner or children. How they want space to be alone (boy I know this one with my kids!) How women bitch and complain about what their men arent doing constantly but not thanking them for what they are doing. How women are so busy with work and then shuttling kids to various activities and she said often these activities are out of guilt for not being with the children but then the mom is even more tired running the kids around, yada yada yada…

She talked about how people arent sitting down to dinner and doing there “Own thing” and less nutricious meals(oh im guilty of that stuff)

How if our men just said “Im too tired” and didnt go to work wed be pissed, but how at home moms dont want to cook or clean and complain there husbands should do it too, and on and on and on. Not realizing what we are saying and if we turned it around to the other foot how would we respond?

And yes Im so guilty. Men want to feel praised, thanked, like the hero.

Im not saying the relationship I have with B is totally ideal, but at the same time I have to realize the effort he is putting in.

He has a decent job and when we get down to some talks he says “How can I expect to support you if I dont make a decent income, this job is important” or when he told me he put me on his life insurance policy as a beneficiary.

How he drive out more to see me. How he picks up the tab the majority of the time now for us going out. How he now opens doors for me on a regular basis because I said something about it.

How he sometimes show up with an extra bottle of my favorite Gatorade when he arrives at my house.

How he brushes the conditioner through my hair for me in the shower everytime, sometimes without me asking.

How he will help with things around the house. I do usually have to ask, but he doesnt gripe, he will do them.

But I know how he feels, when I start on my upset talks and complaints he feels he can never do enough, thats its still not good enough.

My Ex husband said the same thing to me.

And I dont want my next marriage, or whatever to go down that same path of a frustrated man who feels hes not good enough and whos ego is shot from my telling him constantly.

Anyways, the book had much to say, just hard to type it all out, but its been good food for thought, And mind you Dr Laura says when alcoholism, abuse, and adultery are concerned she doesnt apply all these same standards, she can understand divorce in those scenarios.

When I got home yesterday I saw the Sharon Osbourne show and she had women who had killed their spouses/partners, it was on Battered womens syndrome. And when it comes to those types of relationships, I would say this type of book would not help. It could also do more harm to the woman.

The one woman who shot her husband when asked why she didnt leave, she said “I made a promise to God to be this mans wife, how do you break a promise to God?”

And I so remember that mindset you know? I mean looking at it now, Im screaming out “HE BROKE HIS COMMITMENT BEFORE GOD THE DAY HE BEAT YOU, RAPED YOU, KICKED YOU SO HARD YOU MISCARRIED!”

And how women tell themselves they have to stay because of a promise made to God? Its so far off, but thats the mindset, I remember it.

That is not what God ordained for a marriage, God says “Husband loves you wives as Christ loved his church and gave his life for it” Now thats awesome love you know? But these ugly abusers? Theres nothing godly there, so I hate when biblical principals are applied to something that is so not of the Lord.

Okay, well Im off for now, more later…..