Sorry to B
Dear Diary,
I was a griping at B a little over my frustration over the computer thing and he said “Well maybe I should just break up with you, come and take my computer back and then you wont have to deal with any of this anymore” Not in a total serious tone, but yes there was some truth to it, I didnt respond to that. I just told him I was frustrated.
My phone beeped and it was my girlfriend from Florida. Her husband is away for 6 mos in military and she is totally alone across the US with no family or friends in a new place.
We talked for a long time tonight, and well we caught up on our lives. And I was telling her about my frustration. She is my majorly neurotic friend, but she did say something good to me I feel. She said “Listen, you cant compare your ex to B, youll kill the relationship so fast doing that, I did it with my husband in the beginning in reference to my former boyfriend and I almost killed the relationship doing that. Im not saying dont say anything. Say “Huney, this isnt what I want, or this isnt what I like, etc, Can we please change it” Instead of saying “Your acting like my Ex” And it did hit home.
I immediatly felt badly for comparing B to my Ex. He isnt my ex, he isnt like my ex, sure there are some things that can be similar. But he is NOT a copy of my Ex. And realizing how hurtful it is to be compared, especially to the very man I have been through hell with.
I had to take a couple minute break call from GF before B went to bed and I called him back and told him I was sorry for doing that and that it wasnt nice for me to compare him to Ex. He appreciated it, but then said “So where did this change of heart come from? Did you have some self realization on your own or reflection????” I was just silent. ??? Just felt strange being asked where my Sorry came from. And I didnt feel that was appropriate. I dont need to tell him about my talk with my girlfriend, that was personal. And I just said “B?” and he backed off and said he appreciated me saying that.
I need to chill out, just enjoy New Years ahead. Stop stressing over so many things and just ENJOY my time with him.
I got way too spoiled being able to stay the nite with him 3 nites in a row. I was so tempted to drive out there again tonight. 🙁 Its not too often I get that many nites free to do so without children. Tomorrow nite we will be together though, at my sisters. I have to call her tomorrow to tell her Im coming for sure. Seriously, I need to chill out. RELAX.
Later