You think she is at fault too?

Dear Diary,

Ahh got a call at 10am from my little ones school, he said he didnt feel good and they took temp and he was ok, so she asked me if I wanted to get him or send him back to class, I asked to speak to him. He said his head and throat hurt, then he said he was in the bathroom a lot. I asked him if his tummy was hurting, he said Yes. So I said Id go. So had to leave work for the day.

So went and got him and I had to go cash ex’s support payment at his bank ASAP that he left for me yesterday. So I asked my little one if he was okay to stand in line or feeling to icky, he said he was ok. So we went and he was fine, Well my ex’s cousin now works at his bank, haha so I waved and she came over and said Hello. This is the family thats local that I see all the time and they have always been cool to me thru the entire split with Ex.

We then left and I went and paid the attorney bill. YAY! Bye Bye! Well I may have one more minor one, not sure, Im just waiting for the final papers from the judge to be signed then they will call me to come in and get them.

After that we went to Subway I was starving, no breakfast. And well my little one LOVES Subway, he thinks its the greatest thing and loves the sandwiches. So after that we went to MY bank to deposit the support money. WHEW! Then we headed home, I had some bills to right and to balance the checkbook, My little one was actually fine the whole time, so I was kinda puzzled. And he said that it “Comes and goes” Well the stomach ache will do that, but not headache and sore throat. So I guess Im wondering whats going on with him, hes been acting strange the past 3 days. My kids have also been acting weird when I go to class, like they dont want me to go. And the sick routine the past few weeks.

But they end up ok, my mom says they were fine. So I think he just wanted some attn. I must admit, running around with just one is SO MUCH EASIER! This little toddler boy was throwing a fit and crying in the bank, and the Dad had him and had to wait in line, the boy needed a nap, he was at that unconsolable state. For those who have not been parents yet, there is a point where children get totally irritable, they just simply need a nap, and theres really nothing you can do with them, they are walking grumpy whiney monsters. And so when you have little ones, they have little internal schedules in the day, so forget making plans with the little one around, or else you will suffer until he collapses out of sheer exhaustion ( parenting tip from Victoria) LOL So I guess Im somewhat sympathetic to parents since I know its not the kid is a bad kid, the kid just needs to go home and sleep.

So after the kid left my young one says “Man mom, that kid!” I just wanted to LAUGH! My youngest is 7 now, and I said “Huney, thats what you were like” he just looked at me. Cause hes been my public stinker child, he still is somewhat, just minus the baby crying and needing a nap. But he didnt have his brother around to feed off of. So he was so good! So it was kinda nice to just be with him, its not too often I get my children one on one like that and I think he felt special too.

So after awhile Im like?? Hes fine, So I ended up telling him he needed to go back to school, he was actually okay with it. So I took him back, then headed straight to the gym, I wasnt going to go back into work. So It was nice, It wasnt crowded, I could do whatever I wanted, and I did extra cardio today too!

The cute guy came in thats in there, he used to come in later but he and the guy he works out with got into a argument or something and now this guy wont come in when hes there, so I dont really get to see him anymore since he comes earlier, so today he came in, I get all goofy nervous and self conscious, figures hes working out across from me so if I look ahead hes looking at me, god make me uncomfy why dont ya!

I talked to an older guy today, just chit chat and work out convo.

I also read my book while doing cardio too!

So as I have said. I have just stopped calling B at night most of the time, or not even returning his call each night. I dont email him first for the day. And I dont ask him when I will see him, what can we do, that I miss him, etc etc. I am keeping busy now, and just changing my old patterns.

So I mentioned taking the kids to the beach this weekend, and guess what he writes back “ohh hope the weather is nice for the beach this weekend, I may have to join you”

LOL! Its just weird! If I dont ask him stuff, he says STUFF! Ahh men!

I then went to Walmart, Ive been looking for a swimsuit, and havent had a bikini bottom in YEARS, I still am self conscious and dont think I look totally great in one, but I wanted one. So I found this CUTE one! I love it, its black with the ties on the sides, and it has a design on the back, kinda tribal, sorta like having a tattooish pattern but its on the back of the bottoms. I didnt find a top to go with it, I want a tankini type top that covers my stomach though, so since its black it wont be hard to find a piece for it.

I also bought Beach snacks and a new beach bag to carry stuff since mine was so old and ripped open at the bottom. So have to check the weather forecast for beaches. Im hoping to go Sunday but weather has been cloudy and misty in some parts of LA areas.

I want to go rent a movie tonight I think, but will see. We got teased with seeing part of Spartacus with the class, and Ive never seen it, and well the piece we saw stopped right before a GOOD scene, so I now want to see it!

Well one week now back taking Xenadrine, its MUCH better, not sure how effective it is though taking one capsule a day. But I felt like crap when I did more. I was in Walmart and they had it on sale up front, I was like oooh at the price, cheaper then what I paid, but I still have half a bottle, so need to see how I think it works once its gone, dont want to buy more and waste it.

So Im at home just enjoying it. 🙂 YAY! Im learning so much! Im doing better, learning about how needy I have been, how I am not too comfy with myself and my insecurities and now really taking steps to change it.

I was telling my sister yesterday on the phone that it seems with my new counselor, each time I go in with progress and great news! And It feels strange, but its good, but Im not used to it!

My sister said “Victoria, my therapist reminds me, YOUR DOING A LOT OF WORK! Your DOING IT, NOT ME”

But it does make me wonder also, not that my counselor before was bad, but I just came in every week sharing how I was upset and fearful. And then BAM in new counseling thats every 3 weeks, I figured out the panic anxiety issue and we talked through it and its not really been a issue now??? WILD.

I was listening to the radio yesterday and this woman for domestic violence was on talk radio speaking about a case. Im very supportive of Domestic Violence organizations, because I went through one.

But the scenario and news story was about this woman who h ad divorced, had custody of the children AND had a restraining order against the father. Well she invited the father to her sons bday party, served him beer. And well things turned ugly and police were called. Now the woman is upset and saying shes a victim, and she got penalized also. And so the radio guys were saying “Well she was stupid, why did she have him over when she had an order???” and the domestic violence lady was saying “You dont understand the dynamics of abuse, she wanted her son to have a relationship with his father” and that the father new about the order but came over anyways, etc etc. The radio guys were saying they werent saying what the Dad did was okay either, but he said they both acted wrongly. And then the woman on with them said the judge was not helpful etc etc. And the radio guys were saying “Well of course, Judges get frustrated, the give an ok for a restraining order that yuo asked to have, then YOU have him over, but then you want HIM punished only?” Your just as at fault for violating the order also. And well I agreed with the guys on the radio to be honest. THe woman was getting frustrated, and the guys are all “What do you tell your clients? If they said they were gonna have their ex abuser over and give him beer when theres a protective order would say you advise against it???” And the woman kept side stepping the question.

We all can play a role, and we cant pin it all on MEN, I dunno, my opinion she blew it also. And it was a good reminder to me about letting my guard down with my ex. It was a wake up slap for me, not to be so trusting or think its ok now with legal matters done, my ex is still the same troubled person. I have to protect myself too.

So what do you guys think of that story? Thoughts?

Well thats it for now! Bye!