Upset at Sister

Dear Diary,

Well this is more just for a venting purpose. This entry. And I keep thinking of my therapist and this is the type of thing I need to show her or read to her.

So this entry is just me putting some thoughts out, the way my mind mulls over things.

Im feeling anger right now.

Im angry at my oldest sister.

Im angry at her for offering my ex a place to stay with her.

Im angry that she is telling me “Get a restraining order” Just not long ago over the ex stuff and then asking him if he wants to move in?

Im angry about this, This is my family. Ex is not my husband anymore. Ex treated me poorly. Ex has not been a man and taken care of his children, My sisters came and filled my cupboards, and then she invites him to stay with her?

My ex has 3 other relatives of his OWN in that town, why does my sister have to offer.

My sister does things that make no sense to me. They are coming together. And at times I wonder am I paranoid, doesnt my middle sister see this? Am I missing some information here? But I can number several different situations where my sister says one thing, then next says the opposite.

Its confusing.

My sisters husband cannot stand her ex husband, nor is he thrilled with having my sisters 22 yr old son around.

To the point where my sisters husband hit her son for protection when he barged into their home right before the holiday season. My nephew is bi polar and wont stay on his medication. He had been living like a homeless person. Hes an adult now. But my sister would allow him to sleep in the garage, in a tent in the backyard, each step endangering himself or her family, falling asleep with wood burning in a bucket on a wooden table that burned a hole through it.

So after my nephew barged in demanding money, mind you her new husband has 2 young daughters. well he hit him, my nephew proceeded to vandalize both of their cars, and my brother in law was out of work due to the injury to his hand in the fight.

My nephew went to jail. When I called end of Jan and got my bro in law on the phone he informed me newphew was out of jail and he was all dreading it. The tone of his voice. Yet I call the other day and my nephew is there, my sister is feeding him, left him alone with the girls to babysit. Bro in law went on a fishing trip. And I just dont get things, Bro in law said he told my sister that if she wants to go and help him he cant tolerate this, she can move out with her son, but he doesnt want this in his house.

My sister does this type of stuff. So this is why I feel strange with her inviting my ex to live there??? Why on earth? How does her husband feel about that? Ive had her husband sit and talk to me about how my ex gathers “Allies” as he put it, and that he can see my ex’s game. Trying to look good and pursuade those to his “Team” That my sisters old ex did the same bit.

I love my sister, and Im bothered by her feelings about my Mom. Shes entitled to them, but I dont agree with them all.

I just feel like this manipulation game is going on. I even said to my sister me and the kids will have to come visit. She says how much she loves having my kids over, how good they are, how her husband enjoys them also, since they have 2 girls, and her hubby loves spending time with the boys since he never had a son of his own.

When I mention me and the kids coming out she responds with “Ohhh I so hope your ex comes again soon and brings the kids” and Im just sitting there going HELLO??? What about me? Ill bring them???

I do have some long time ago childhood issue also. I wonder at times do I need to tell my sisters this? To get it off my chest?

They were all gone and off to college or married when I was growing up and they came out and said they wanted to take me for a week to stay with them at my sisters, a girls kinda trip. Told me theyd take me shopping, get my haircut, I was so excited being a young girl and my sisters are close in age and Im about 9-12 yrs younger then they are. So they took me for the week, In turn I was often left with my nephew ( the one who is now bi polar) He is about 9 yrs younger then I, so he was just a little guy at the time. And I was put up on the sofa bed, and my sisters often retreated to the bedroom to hang out and talk, without me, I was left with my nephew, watching my newphew. I remember night after night crying on the sofa bed alone in the front room while my sisters laughed and talked in the bedroom and I didnt feel included. And plus we hadnt gone out to do anything yet fun as they had told me wed do as sisters.

They finally took me for a haircut, I have never been to a salon, I was in Jr High, my mom cut my hair all those years. So the stylist looked at me all funny and my hair, then my sister has this disgusted look on her face to telling her my moms been cutting it, I just felt sorta made fun of, sure I wanted a real haircut but I didnt feel “Funny looking” So it doesnt help a young girls esteem to have everyone around her making faces at her as if she doesnt have feelings and is sitting in the midst of all this.

I didnt enjoy my “Sister” trip. I didnt really do much else with them. I played with my nephew or played Atari.

Just weird how those feelings stick with you.