Sisters, Spiders & Men

Dear Diary,

Morning.

Not a good way to start out your day when you put your jacket on and a spider is in your sleeve, and to make it worse its crawling across your hand, and ITS A BLACK WIDOW!

I FREAKED! Flung my hand so hard it flew onto the floor and I stepped on, but I was so creeped out! Not knowing if I was bit or not.

B sent me a little thing off the net on symptoms of widow bites. So far so good, but said you may not even notice a bite or anything in the area to indicate a bite, but you do often feel the pin prick. So I didnt feel any of that, but still it creeps you out you know????? EEEEEEEEEEK!

So yesterday I get off work a little early and picked the kids up at school for the dentist. The kids were doing pretty good, my youngest is very sensitive since all the work he had done at age 4 and the pain he was having of an impacted tooth and then the pulpotomies they had to do on his teeth.

So this was his first visit back since all the major work was finally completed last year. And I kept telling him it was just the check up, cleaning, x rays today but he keeps questioning over and over for reassurance that it is all they are doing.

Well my oldest is mr easy going cool at the dentist, totally easy as can be. They got my little one up for xrays and once again he gagged and couldnt hold them in his mouth, the assistant didnt know what to do, now my little one is crying, and we are waiting and waiting, Im telling the girl how they did it in the past and which assistants could do it in the office. She was wandering the halls lost and said everyone was busy. I told her I was paying cash, so to find somebody who knows what they are doing, since I dont have insurance and if you mess up on the xrays I dont want to pay for all these additional ones.

Well the dentist herself actually came in to assist and tried pep talking my youngest. He also was very red and hot, and last time we came to the dentist he was the same, a fever. I even told the girl “He just came down with this” So they wonder if its the stress of the dentist, him getting so worked up. So they FINALLY got the xrays done with the help of another assistant. My little one cried and was red, every thing upset him, every tool, mirror, ANYTHING. And today they didnt really do much just clean his teeth, no scraping either.

So Dentist said “Is he like this? To get scaerd about things?” I said “No just the dentist, I think its because hes been through so much here since he was little” She told me to be careful with him emotionally, she said he will need braces down the line also, and once my little one heard that he started to cry more and said ” I dont want braces!” and kept his mouth shut, I was telling him “No hun we are just talking about later you will need them, not now, not today” but he was just freaked out.

Well by the time we left. Little one had no cavities ( Thank GOD!) So he wont have to go back, oldest has 2 small cavities, and they want to do sealant on 2 of his new back teeth, which i think Sealant is a godsend! Recommend it to parents. Its worth the money! So I will make sure to get it on any of the kids permanent teeth.

So on the way home, little on has his head in his lap and was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had a headache.

So I got home, gave him Tylenol and he was out in 10 min. This was 5pm! He slept all night, no dinner, no doing his homework. I just left him alone.

I was thinking “Wow, my kid has total anxiety over the dentist” was talking to Music Dude and Im like Oh man the poor kid, Hes all Yeah he needs a Shrink. lol , well I still havent asked about that for him. I need to.

Music Dude was in better shape yesterday. He ate! And thanked me, said the moods come and go. He also made a lot of deals at work and got a lot of praise yesterday, its a new job, so that made him feel good. The only prob is his ex girlfriend works there, sooo that will be interesting.

He told me how badly he wanted to go skiing again before the season is up and all the new fresh snow in the mountains right now. He then said “Oh well, I gotta save up my money for our Honeymoon in the Swiss Alps.” I laughed, hes always joking about in one year we will get married if we are single.

He also told me yesterday morning he dreamt about me. About how he needed somebody stable. Which was totally fitting of course with all that is going on with him and our relationship. I know if I were single and gave the go ahead hed be all over us dating. I love him, dont get me wrong, hes a good guy, but he just attaches to quickly.

And hes wanting the family and marriage. Not that I dont want all that, but right now? No, and I guess I want something that flows, not something that feels pressured. Music Dude is a little older then I am. He wants to settle down and just be with someone. But on the other hand hes got a lot of issues to deal with, Im dealing with mine, but I dont have to deal with him ALL the time, and I cant play therapist, strong nurturer all the time.

San Diego Cute boy messaged me and asked if we could talk via phone so I called him last night. Hes back once again with his ex girlfriend. The guy drives 75 miles to see her for a weekend. Shes overweight, wears makeup non stop, Im talking the type to smear it on the pillows and your shirts, its thick like cake, she hasnt worked in 3 mos he said and shes got a gambling addiction.

So he went back once again. Hes lonely, he feels its all he has, its comfortable. He said “I know Victoria, I have no spine, I think she carries it in her purse. I drive 75 miles exicted to see her and the minute I get in the door shes telling me what to buy her and to go to the store” She has a child also, blech! And he just does it for her, because he doesnt want to deal with her anger. He puts up with it. So i was telling him about therapy, about what Im learning, about how hes just encouraging her behavior and all that. And its not going to get better. I believe hes aware. But he at least isnt living with her and is seeing her about every other weekend. He was saying how he cant stand the bar scene, but he doesnt know anybody where he lives. I talked to him about his hobbies, hes into computers, cars, racing. And he said “And to find a woman who likes racing, HA!” I said “There are women who are into that!” Hes all “Yeah with some of their teeth missing” I laughed.

Seriously, to me this guy is very attractive, other then the fact hes so slender, hes gorgeous, in my guy LOOKS meter hes up there at about a 10, well for what Im into, dark brown thick hair. Pretty boy face.

Anyways, we just talked, he always tells me to come out and visit and the kids and I can stay at his moms place ( which is where he is living right now)

So I told him things are going good with B. Its kinda weird, all this week Im saying good things about B and the relationship. All my guy pals are skeptical or not to enthused, haha. I know some of them are just waiting for an opportunity to jump in. Well Music Dude and San Diego dude would at this point.

Mr Obnoxious always tells me he loves me, and that hes got to stop professing his love for me. haha. By the way, hes going to that bar again at Citywalk with a group of 4. I contemplated going. Hes all “I thought youd never go there with me again” I said “Well its a group, and Id drive my own vehicle this time” Hes all, “Im not driving this time” Which is GOOD, hes reserved a front table at the place for the piano bar. So Im tempted to go, but he told me I can come along but not with B, he said if hes drinking, he can be an ass, and he might tell B some not nice things since he cares about me, hes all “Victoria, seriously, dont bring him if you come ok? I care about you but Im afraid of what I would say to him if Im drinking and I dont want you to hate me” So I said ok.

I got some crazy idea to go skiing this weekend if its possible. I was watching the news, the mountains around me have new snow, Music Dude loves it, not sure if he can get away for a evening ski this weekend, but Ive never tried to ski, so why not right? But dunno, just might be a fleeting feeling that will pass, We shall see.

I have a hard time with my free weekends, I want to be with B, yet I want to do stuff, yet Im not sure that B wants to do this stuff, and so I can do stuff with others, but then I feel once B hears Im going with one of these guys, he will want to go, and how do you say NO? Mr Obnoxious doesnt want u there? I wouldnt feel to great about that if he was hanging with women and they said they didnt want me around you know?

So I dont know.

I talked to B briefly before bed, he was so tired.

This AM my little one was up early and doing his homework, aweee. He said his throat was a little sore but he was up for school so I gave him cold medicine and some cough drops, and told him if he was feeling bad to go to the office to go home. So , so far, so good. No call yet.

I have a facial, upper body massage appt today after work, so if my little one ends up coming home, I might not be able to go unless my mom will stay with him. Im trying to go in once a month now for a facial/stress upper body massage and they also paraffin your hands. Oooooo yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ex wrote me an email last night that totally baffled me. All it said was “Will you be packing the kids close in their backpacks Wed?”

I was like ????????????????????????????

He hasnt come to get them for the Wed visits the past 2 weeks, last week he spoke to me online and we agreed the wed visits wont work and I said do you want to opt out? He said ok. And then he wrote and said that?? So I wrote him back saying I was confused? And what was going on? is he now going to take them overnight?

He wrote back this AM and said “No Im confused” well um hech yeah he is, so I gather now hes not coming? Bleh, also have to talk to attny office about that today, got a call from the court concialiator yest to make an appt to get in to change the paperwork, she said to do it that way its voluntary, she sends us each paperwork to fill out, then we have to send it back in. The minute she said that I just went UGH, what if he doesnt fill it out or send it back? She said then a court date or all that garbage will have to be arranged. My ex is so slack with understanding, reading or responding to things properly. So I will have to ask attny office whats best way to do this, or is it possible to do this on the 28th when we have the trial. Get the visitation changed again.

Ex also wrote and said he wants to settle out of court, and dont I want to? And that my attny office seems to think we have unresolved issues. Yet when I was there last week they are telling me they called him and told him they can draft up the papers but he needs to come in to sign. So I told ex, YOU HAVE TO GO IN AND SIGN. But hes still going on via email about it. I have nothing to say to him?! Either go in and sign the stuff and shut up. Or see you in court. I have no idea what hes doing right now. It makes no sense, and the attny staff dont get it either.

My realtor is bring me a new Comparible Market Analysis sheet for the attny, she was all “Omgosh VIctoria you still arent done!” when I called her yesterday. She is a sweetheart. I really like her and she does all of this for me for free and brings it to my door. She found the house for ex and I. She was great, and then shes helped with stuff since the separation, she also got a divorce, and so shes baffled how long mine is taking to settle.

I also tried calling my sister last night, I was ready to talk to her about how I felt about her telling my ex he could move in. I talked it over with my abuse message board, and a girlfriend in town, and B. They all thought I had a right to be hurt and upset by this. My sis was asleep when I called, so I called my middle sis and told her what was up. She was totally shocked and in disbelief that oldest sis said that to Ex. Shes all “Are you sure she said that????” Im like YES, shes all “This wasnt your ex saying this??” Im like “NO, Sis called me herself and told me, then on Saturday she mentioned it again that she hasnt heard back from my ex but was hoping she would” So middle sis is all “Umm yeah, that is very weird, you have every right to feel that way and say something”

We talked about boundaries, and she said “Yes your trying to remove ex and get him out of your life, this is not helpful to you”

So I still havent talked to older sis, but it was nice to bounce it off middle sis since she and my older sis are very close.

Ok Ive written so much, Im gonna take a break! Laterssssssss