Here I go Again

Dear Diary,

Okay I hate to admit this right now. But Im depressed today. Ive been on my computer or just laying in bed. Now Im crying.

I havent really had a phone convo with B since,,,? Umm I believe Wed. Thurs was the last time hes called me and that was at 1am when I was asleep. He sent me an email friday that just said “Im not sure if Im working or not” and never wrote another one since.

I have tried calling his phone. 3 days now. It doesnt have a machine. If I want to leave him a message i have to call his pager. Which I dont want to call and leave a message for him on. I want to hear where the hell he is? What hes been up too? Why hasnt he talked to me AT ALL?

Yeah yeah here i say this month has been great since I wrote that letter. And he has called me even when hes worked mad crazy shifts daily. Then all the sudden he just STOPS?

Im so angry at him right now. Then I wonder? What if something happened to him? How will I know? Yet at the same time he knows I just want to hear from him, so he knows this makes me upset when he just goes away and doesnt say anything to me. So I dont even really know what to say or feel. Am I freaking out too soon? Is this silly?

Im tired of being the girlfriend whos there when he wants one, Im just tired right now, yet I just want to hear from him, what is going on? Where has he been?

Do I page him? Do I wait? Do I say something?

I just dont feel like a partner. And here I go again.