Prayin its the Period

Dear Diary,

I just keep feeling this need to write tonight. I write, finish, cry some more, think some more then keep coming back.

Its a night like tonight, where I wish you were here(referring to boyfriend) How I invited you over tonight to watch a movie with me on the couch, but plans didnt work out that way. You didnt know tonight as we typed back and forth that tears were pouring from my eyes, nor did I want to tell you why. I just wished that you were here instead, that I could have been laying across your lap on the couch watching a movie, with your hand on me, in a place where I can focus elsewhere, not have memories like this.

I know that Im an adult now. I have to face life. I cannot wash away ever fiber of what was between my ex and I. It scares me at times when these feelings surface. I so badly want to talk to you about them. I did do this when I first started to date you. I remember crying after making love to you, about still having feelings for my ex and apologizing. And you just saying to me “its ok, you spent 12 yrs of your life with him, and you think a few months will make it all go away?” Yet I do care about you also, and who wants to hear their partner say nostalgic memories about their Ex?

Ok, let me veer off here for a second. Im highly emotional, weepy tonight. Ive also been breaking out the past few days. This is how I get right before my period, oh and I get aroused sexually the day prior also. My period should start around June 1st. But Im totally exhibiting all these signs. I pray that it is my period? That would explain a lot. Only thing Im missing is a headache I normally get also. Please, let it just be my hormones that are causing these intense feelings right now. Whatever it is, its strange. Strange how something like a period can alter how we feel. I shouldnt say alter, but maybe intensify somethings.

:::praying its the period things:::