Dates not Driving to See You

Dear Diary,

Was just reading Jen’s entry on going to court for her divorce to be done. I wonder if I will be emotional and cry when the day of final closure legally comes? I feel a little numb at the moment over the whole legal process. Since Im in Limbo still. Just feels like it will take forever with my Ex.

I had a really strange dream about him last night. It was one where I woke up and was almost mad it wasnt real. I was so into the moment of the dream.

I dreamt ex and I agreed to meet a restaraunt during a child drop off. It was a really fancy place, and I walked in, there was my ex with a woman at the table with him, they were in dressy attire. I first was pissed he did this? Like I want to sit to dinner with some woman? And my kids immediatly took off to an outdoor ice rink in front of the restaraunt the minute they saw their Dad with her. Didnt even say Hi. So I walked over and said Hello. I was checking her out, she was kinda weird looking. Like sorta plain but then overdoing it with her clothes? Like she was trying to hard to look good but it didnt suit her? I shook her hand, I think she said her name was Jemma. Ex ordered drinks for all of us. I took a drink, but then got up to go and check on the kids. On my way back I started to think “What if they are spitting in or doing something to my drink?” As I walked back in the door I could see them at a distance, Ex was holding my drink up shaking it around to hide what he put or did to it and the woman with him was laughing. I could feel this rage inside me that I wanted to go back to the table and tell this woman any crap about him I could out loud and embarrass him. But they got up before I even got to the table. I looked at him and said “YOUR A DICK! I saw what you did to my drink!” and they just looked at me and kept walking.

I went to gather up things of mine at the table and the waitress says “Do you plan to pay for the drinks?” I said Huh? He ordered them. I was just coming to get my stuff. She said I was the last one at the table and responsible for it. So now I was even further angry. Oh and I forgot to note, he was wearing a gold necklace with our wedding band on it around his neck( my ex )

So I sat there upset, and looked down and saw my ex left a backpack laying there. I opened it up. It had his planner/notebook in it, Love letters and cards from this woman. And 2 wrapped presents. One was addressed to me and Mr Obnoxious! who was the guy who I first left home and wanted to move in with years ago when I first attempted to leave my ex.

I said to the waitress “Can I wait here and if he comes back will you charge him? ” She said yes, and I knew hed return for his backpack.

So I then pulled out the planner, love letters, and present for me, Zipped the backpack back up and hid the other items. I was moving in a panic as so he wouldnt see what I was doing. I knew I could get info and things from his planner and her letters to get back at him with.

I then was ready to take the remainder of my drink and pour it over his backpack. But my alarm clock went off!

Whew, what a dream eh?

Well today I have my intake for my new counseling. I hate the get to know you part, Ive done this enough times. And I really hope I like who Im paired up with and dont have to change again.

I got my period this AM, thank God. I was a little nervous this month over one time in San Diego with B. But I figured Id be fine, but Im always so overly worrisome about these things. So YAY!

I still need to Christmas shop for B. He attempted to talk to me about Christmas and when I had the kids. I guess he thought they left a day earlier or later. And then Im going to my families christmas eve. I said he can come with, or come stay the nite christmas eve at my house when I get back. He just said “Well see” I know he had asked me a month or so ago to come to his families at Christmas, how his mom called and asked if I was coming and my children. I said to B last night ” What did you want to do?” he just said he didnt know. His usual indifferent answer. Bleh. So not sure what his plans are. Since B isnt one to make plans and set forth words. He has a problem with that for fear of failure he cannot live up to his word. So instead he says nothing.

Anyways, he did read the website link I gave him the other day. Said thank you for it. Said “Are you insinuating something?” I said “Um now? Im saying something that just is, no need to insinuate” He said it was interesting, and he saw parts of himself in it. And nothing more was said, Which is fine.

Drool guy has been on me big time with flirting online all week. Every time I sign online. Last night he told me he hopes to meet me someday. That he knows Im a nice woman, with class and manners, that he is that way also, and those people are hard to find these days.

Its so sweet and flattering. I swear the guy is drop dead gorgeous from his photos. He lives in the San Diego area which I LOVE. But I tell myself, Heck even if I were single. Hed live twice as far away from me, Im tired of meeting men who dont want to drive. Ill drive, but it needs to be evenly reciprocated. And Drool guy have discussed that in the past. He doesnt show much enthusiasm to drive out this way. Always asks me when Im going there.

Mr Comedy was the first guy who didnt have a prob with the drive. He made the effort the same way I do with people Im with. It wasnt even a problem. He just did it, no question and was eager too.

Anyways, later!