My Child Singing

Dear Diary,

Just relaxing right now. Debating just heading to bed early.

I like my alone time at night when the kids are asleep.

Well I went to the counseling intake session. So my counseling starts Jan 21st. And Im with a woman. The guy was very nice who talked with me. He also said the place I was going (Group and Counseling at the Outreach) was the best place for me to be. That they even refer people there. Just sat that they have no therapist there now, will have to see with the New Year if it changes.

The guy also said he worked as a Concialiator in the courts here and commented on how people get divorced quickly, but the emotional divorce takes a long time.

I then got the kids, got dinner, homework, bath for oldest and some nice clothes for his Christmas Program. It was so cute. Its funny though. See my kids are going to the same elementary school I attended. I remember singing Christmas songs in the same cafeteria. Being all dressed up in a magenta colored velvety outfit as a little girl. 🙂 heehee

But now with the schools so full and all the extra stuff (music) cut out, its dependent on teachers to organize it all. So only certain classes or grades do certain things. So this was a 3rd grade program. The kids were great! And my oldest had to announce one of the songs. I must say he did a GREAT JOB! Nice loud clear voice and he didnt sound like he was reading a card as he said his line. I was proud of him 🙂

When he was little I got a few comments about putting him in commercials from people. I even took him to a few things in town and one in LA but they were all just people looking to profit off photos of your kids or schools and big $$.

But this year with this teacher, I had no idea what a nice voice he has. And he also is not shy. He is a ham when it comes to performing.

I know they have local childrens theatre here, maybe something to look into for him? I just wish I had the time and money. I would put the kids in boy scouts, my youngest in a sport, my oldest in karate. But my schedule is so tough and then when Im free Im tired. Thats the hard part of being a single working Mom.

Oh when I got home today I got a bill from my attny. OUCH! $800!!!!!

That is just from the meeting where my ex was thrown out, all the calls with the thanksgiving crap he pulled, but the bulk of it is for the court motion to compel evidence of his financial income. That money they are seeking my ex to pay back because he has caused this to be prolonged and this motion to be done. But knowing my ex I highly doubt Ill get cash. Just more to add to the total of what he owes me come time to settle the house equity matter.

I just cant believe how expensive legal matters are. I dont know how Id do it without my parents help!

I told Mom and she just says “Vicky, just get it done, think about if you didnt have attny, youd be nowhere with him” which is true.

While at the program tonight my oldest tells me his Dad will be there. Im like huh?? He said he invited him tuesday nite on the phone and he said hed come. So I was a little nervous. My Mom also came to watch. So it was nice to have her next to me. But ex never showed up. The kids were eagerly expecting and looking for him.

So tonight they talked to him, he said he was sick.

Ex also wrote me an email today. Asking about Christmas gifts. So as not to conflict with what I got the kids. Then he went on about our old computer AGAIN! Ugh!

My ex keeps asking to have the old computer to fix for the kids to use (So he claims) B fixed it for me. But I dont have it formally set up yet. Plus we arent home much all week. Enough time in the eves for homework, dinner, bath, a little bit of tv then bed. I also dont like kids camped out at the tv or computer or video games. Its just my own personal prefernce. I prefer them outside or playing together using their own imaginations and creativity. When they are with their Dad they are watching movies, playing video games. So why my ex seems to think I need to have the same for them here is beyond me. I have a computer for them. It will come in handy for schooling eventually but now its not really necessary.

Then he writes “I know you think I want the computer, I DONT! I want to give it to them for Christmas!!!”

Ummm ? I just wrote back once again saying “Its fixed, kids have a computer”

I know he just wants it is all. Why else is it such a big issue to him? He keeps wanting me to give it to his Uncle. He doesnt know that B is a computer smarty butt, 🙂

As I sat at the program tonight, for the first time I didnt feel alone. I didnt feel sad. Sad that I wasnt the other part of a couple. I was smiling and enjoying watching my child do a great job.

When I got home tonight, I did think though. About how B doesnt express interest in my child, these things. Weve been dating 2 yrs. Now that part is sad though to me. I wonder if he will get them something for Christmas this year. He hasnt gotten them anything before, birthdays, nothing. He hasnt been around for any holidays with us. Thanksgiving he went with me but that was the first time and the kids werent there.

Im not saying he wont do anything. I dont know, and last year we werent seeing eachother thru the holiday season.

Well, guess thats it for now. Later