Venting Moment

Dear Diary,

Waiting for my kids to come home. They should be here within the hour. I just want to hug them. I wonder what mood they will be in?

I hate that my ex is back here in town. I absolutely HATE IT!

I hate it that I cant afford to go elsewhere to live.

I hate it that hes dating a woman I know who lied to me and spending money on her while I get nothing. Oh wait he bought socks for the kids!

I hate it that hes claiming hes not working, which is bullshit! His phone was shut off! He was behind as usual, few mos ago a collections notice showed up for it for over $400. Now its miraculously on again. So somebody paid it!

I hate it that he is irrational and cant be reasoned with like an adult. That we cant work together.

I hate to say this, and its just my mood at the moment and Im expressing it, its how I feel now. But I wish I could move away and he not see me or the kids again or have contact. I hate having his ugly reminders in my life.

I hate his damn emails wanting sounding concerned and he wants to take the kids to church!

Forget child support, but then write me scolding letters how its important they go on a school night to Church!

Hes so fucking messed up I cant stand it!

What is it going to take? How do I keep doing this?

I want him held ACCOUNTABLE!

B called me, we had a good talk but he hasnt gotten my email yet. But I was hoping to hear him say hed come over. Nope the little girls bday is today where he lives. Hes gonna go help out with that.

Im sorry but WHAT ABOUT ME????????????????????

This is getting worse. Are we gonna go on every 2 weeks of seeing one another! See I have a free weekend and unless i drive down there will I see him NO!

Not sure when he will get that email since he cant hook up his computer at his new place yet. He has to check the main one in the house.

I have an idiot ex and a unavailable boyfriend.

Im alone, I dont even know any decent men.