Mon Morning Start

Dear Diary,

Just read the comment Daisey left for me. Hope ya dont mind me mentioning it. 🙂 But basically to remember that my EX will be held accountable. He will not fool everyone or get away with it in the end. He will have to face God.

Yes I do agree. Then I can hear the old church voices in my head saying “You are with a man and not legally divorced yet, and you are having sex”

So then I feel like in Gods eyes will he punish me too?

I was on a website about child support and it posted 2 scripture verses on it.

I can only remember one, but it said…

In I Timothy 5:8 is one of the strongest statements in the Bible: “If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever,” (RSV). Or, as the King James has it, he is “worse than an infidel.”

Well B and I spoke for awhile last night. Just talked. He did get my email. ANd he said he was willing to accept all that I wrote and said. So its just one step. Doesnt mean things will improve but it does set forth that I will now be saying when things are not cool with me more often and stopping the crappy talk I get from him. I really need to go and buy the book! I learned a lot from it, but I didnt get to read it in its whole entirity.(sp?) The book is “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans. Its a awesome book! She also has another one on “Controlling People” that sounds really good also.

Well this is the last week of kids out of school. So I havent been to counseling for 4 weeks. So either next week or the following I will start back! YAY! I will also be able to get back to the gym. I do miss it and I know it was good for my health. It helped me to relieve anger.

I got the kids back, they always are so somber when I get them. Does anybody else have kids who come home like this? Often times crying and just pitifully sad? My ex when he first started his visits when he dropped them off with my mother would cry, my mom at first found it touching. It really bothered me. I took it as manipulation and immature. Sure we can be sad that are kids our going, but at the same time we have to set the tone for them. And also it left the kids feeling bad and sorry for Daddy. They are 6 and 8. I just personally dont find it cool. I amp them up to go see Daddy, tell them to have fun and to be good. I hug them goodbye and send them off happy. I get them back with one crying, with long faces, and they need about an hour to just sit and unwind.

My little one walks in and says “Mommy, A(Daddys church chickie) has to move” I said “Oh how come?” He said “Well because her Dad wants to sell the house” Last the kids had told me was she was living with her mother, then they said she was living alone with her kids and had her own house. So my little one walks away who is 6 and is walking down the hall away from me and says “Yeah, All he wants is money!”

I said “Who?” He said “A’s Dad”

Now you know this was some adult convo my little one was around for. Everyone I tell this too laughs. B said “Oh and did you say, Oh and your Daddy is doing the same thing to Mommy!” sarcastically of course. But it is so true. I said to my little one. “Well then the house isnt hers, it belongs to her Dad and he must be letting her stay there” He said “Oh no Mommy its her house but hes gonna sell it cause he wants money!” So we had to have a talk about renting and owning things. 🙂

My Oldest cried last night in bed and said he missed Dad. I just crawled in next to him and told him “i Know” and hugged him. Told him hed be seeing him again soon and have Thanksgiving with him.

I do not say things to my kids about their Dad. Im so watchful. They dont hear the anger. And they dont need to. But it is hard at times. I said to be “The kids have never been a concern to him since he left, he will say they are, but in reality they are not” He has never been concerned with how they are doing, how we are making it, providing for the health and dental needs, financial needs, schooling needs.

All he wants it to parade them around church to make himself look good.

What more has he really asked for? Seriously?

He thinks hes wronged by me and Im supposedly wealthy and hes got the band end of the deal.

Anyways, gotta scoot for now….