Drinking and Drugs

Dear Diary,

Thank you to my private commentor. I just got your message this AM and it brought tears to my eyes. In a good way that is! Encouragement is always nice to hear and very touching.

Well I got to do something different at work today! YAY! Its what I need, Im getting a little bored doing the same ole. I need to do and learn some new things! My creative mind needs it!

I have been wanting to write terribly though.

I felt better with the little amount of anger I vented in here last night. I went to bed and watched Real World. I tried calling B around 11:30pm. Never heard from him and no answer. So I figured either he came home and just crashed, or perhaps he was stuck at work? I fell asleep around midnight.

I was woke up after 1am with a call from him. I dont mind if he calls late. He goes on to tell me he worked his other part time job also. So thats why he was late, they were putting on a party. He said he had been drinking, you could tell by his tone. He was buzzed, happy. He goes on to say “Yeah we were working in a Sorority house, so it was a lot of women, kinda a Boobfest” and he was all giddy. I was half asleep somewhat. And Im hearing how hes drunk and around sorority girls, and calling it Boobfest all night. So it wasnt really the most wonderful thing to be woke up and hear about. He then went on to talk about his car, how he took it into the shop. Forget it, he cant wait any longer, he cant have everyone driving him, so hes going to have to spend all the money on the repairs. He was really chatty and just kept talking. Normally when its that late we just chat briefly. Also his phone got disconnected 3 times during the call. So Id have to hang up and hed keep calling back and Id be falling asleep between calls. He finally asked “So how was your evening?” I said “I was sleepy” So he said “Go to bed darling, I love you” and I went to sleep.

Im noticing B is drinking quite a bit. This weekend it really struck me. Im not opposed to drinking. But Im also very sensitive about it since I grew up with an alcoholic father. It seems like B is drinking more often. Im not sure if this is also due to the place hes living in? But this past weekend, we went out to dinner, had drinks, he wanted to buy alcohol when we left dinner at the grocery store, so he drank before bed, then when we went out to lunch Sunday he drank with lunch again. His part time job hes typically coming home from drunk also. Then when the car thing happened he just drank that night. B has a history with drinking. It was the main reason that turned me off to him as a interest for years prior to us even dating.

So it does concern me. I wont make a big deal at this point, since this has just started, but Im not gonna be cool if this keeps up. 🙁

Music dude spoke to me yesterday. He was talking about staying out partying. Its like hes all into smoking pot now and hes just changed. I really dont like how he is. He used to be so sweet and talk. And its like ever since that last weekend I saw him in person. Hes changed? Heck he and I have been talking for over a year and a half. Now hes just seem to have give in to the night club crowd. Out and using drugs. I dont ask about the girl hes seeing, dont really care to hear to be honest, but he just says shes a “Rawk Star” were his words. So granted hes off having fun. Which isnt so bad. Its just the way I thought he was, and him and the pot thing, now its like all he is doing, as before he said it was now and then. Now its almost a part of every convo. It disgusts me.

Wow, interesting things you learn about people huh?

I found out about a Holiday Boat parade in Marina Del Rey in Dec. 70 boats decorated in twinkling lights and fireworks. Me and the kids were reading it in a AAA magazine. Turns out its the weekend their Dad will have them. I would really like to go. I was telling my friend G last nite about it. And its like I have just given up on weekend get away plans with B. I dont even want to bother with asking him, I just say “My boyfriend isnt available for weekends” because well its true. I can go over there, but he cant get away with me for a weekend. Look what I went through to get him to Vegas? I dont wanna deal with all that to do something.

But once again, its finding someone to do things with. So Ill have to see if I can find anyone who wants to go and do that on my free weekend. I think it would be so pretty to see. 🙂