Talking to the Guys
Dear Diary,
Good Morning,
Well I was up till about 11pm last night. Which is an early to bed time for me.
I was online for a bit, Drool dude is always messaging me complimenting my lips and how much he loves my curls all the time. So I told him to shhhh and stop oogling my pics and talk to me, that I have brains too.
Its the whole online chat thing, its hard to tell what a person is like outside of it. Hes always speaking in little phrases and half words. We talked some, he lives about 7 blocks from the beach, he also has been surfing for over 20 yrs. We were just talking about our lives briefly. We discussed the holidays this year. I asked him if its hard for him. He said OH YES! He was with a girlfriend living together for 7 yrs. And he said he lost everything, house, cars, all his possessions, etc. We never have really been able to talk about the whole story of what happened but its very painful for him. So we kinda both spoke about how we are having to start our lives over in many ways. And he was saying that on Halloween he just blew off all his friends and stayed indoors. His girlfriend had 3 kids who he grew attached too and helped raised and now he is totally cut off from them so that hurts also.
He once again said if I come out that way even with the kids he will take us out for a ocean life tour.
My friend ended up calling, the guy I spoke to earlier online. So we chatted for about 30 min on the phone. Havent spoken to him via phone since early last year. So it had been awhile. He is now living with his Mom in San Diego. Ha, funny thats where Drool guy is also. He was with his girlfriend for several years but a very volatile relationship. He just had to get out when she wasnt around and basically run from her. So we have talked a few times since, just encouragement since he knew it was the right thing to do but even when someone treats you poorly its still hard to leave. He said he went up north to see his son, who is 7 and thought about trying things with the mother again, but realized he was just lonely and having a hard time getting over the girlfriend thing and new this was just like jumping from one pan into another. So he came home. He also said if I come out that way me and the kids are welcome to stay, they have an extra room at his Moms place he said.
I did call my girlfriend who lives out there last night and left a message. So will wait to hear back. Preferably Id like to stay the night at her place. She has 4 kids and is married and one of my long time christian friends. I used to watch her daughter when she was a toddler.
So it would be perfect to go and visit them, but then possibly go and visit drool dude or my friend M while out there, but more in a open environment and have them meet my girlfriend.
M started out his call last night by once again apologizing for the way he spoke to me last year. If anyone recalls I wrote about this. He was a guy I had known for several years, met at online parties, drop dead gorgeous. When I separated we spoke on the phone and talked about him coming over one night. He then said “If I drive all that way, something better happen” and I sat there in shock. I told him “Im not guaranteeing you ANYTHING is gonna happen” and the call ended abruptly. And we didnt talk for months. I was really hurt because I thought more of him, but just chocked it up to him being another online jerk User.
So when we started talking a few mos ago he had commented on how short I was with him, I told him about the convo the year prior and hes all “Oh my God I said that to YOU?” and he said he was terribly sorry, he had to eat humble pie, that he has no idea why he ever said that to me cause I have always been nice to him, etc etc. I accepted the apology and said “Just dont ever do it again”
So yeah I do have to proceed with caution with him. I have noticed Im less interested in flirting anymore and I just really want to converse with men. Which normally I just want to be complimented and all, ego built up, gain some false sense of self esteem from a guys words. So Im proud of myself that Im beginning to see myself for what I am and that I like who I am, and I dont have to gain that from a guys words.
We were talking last night about the old days when we went to online parties. Years ago! And we were commented on the gossip and people who just like to create drama. I told him I had fun at the parties and I was never really one to get into all that, but people even created it. Like the chick who followed me into a bathroom stall once and shut the door and said “Id hate for your husband to hear about you out with all these men, etc etc” and me sitting there in shock as she sweetly spoke but her words were evil. Basically threatening me to stay away from the guys at the party or she was telling my husband I was fooling around. Thats how viscous some women are! And the thing was I was just at a dance club hanging with a group of people I was always in a click with, but the one guy who Im still friends to this day with she wanted.
So M tells me about one party where his girlfriend was 3 hrs late. And how this girl kept begging him to kiss her, and said “Lets go to my car, cmon she wont know” and on and on. So i said “Who was it?” and he thought for a minute and said her name. OMGOSH. I swear that is B’s girlfriend prior to me! Its so weird hearing these stories. How everyone knows everyone somewhere down the line.
He said “Women were jealous of you Victoria, they werent even near your Caliber” okay that was a nice ego inflater there. haha
Well today is another day. I should go vote but Im so uneducated on the local election stuff, I hate to admit.
B called last night around 11pm before I went to sleep. He had just gotten home, EEKS! Poor guy I really do feel bad hes stuck there so long. We talked briefly. He apologized that he was so tired and not home sooner. I told him it was ok, and I understood. Im not angry at him, Im beyond all that. Im starting to take care of Me. And well this is the place B is in, what more can he do without a car, he is at the mercy of a ride from others.
Laterrrrrrr