Letter I Cant Send
Dear Diary,
Its almost time for Real World to come on(Im a Real World Junkie)
But I have about 15 min before it starts.
When I was in group Mon I once again shared how I am still dealing with this on and off again anger towards my EX. It flares up then subsides but I seem to carry it with me often. I cant shake it. Im so outraged and angry over it.
My counselor is aware of this and keeps telling me to write a letter, I have done this before. Just saying all I want to say to him. Not that I give it to him but that I get it out. And she said it might be better to hand write it rather then type it out. And she said even do something symbolic as burn it or something when Im done.
Its like I am so angry I just get frustrated of thinking of even writing out once again WHY!
So bare with me, this is a brief venting of my anger. Im not really asking for comments on it. Because these are my feelings I just need to express and let some out. So its a sort of What I wish I could say but wont to my ex, but what I truly feel inside.
Dear Ex,
I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME!
I hate that you have avoided all responsibility for the children
Im angry that I spent all of the time being a stay home Mom and not gaining skills to make it in the world because I never dreamed Id be in this situation.
Im angry that you have the skills, that you have the capacity to make money to live on. Yet you claim you are not working.
IM SO ANGRY AT YOU! Youve robbed from me and the children. Youve robbed us Emotionally, Financially, Spiritually, and even down to Medically!
YOU ARE A USER!
How can you live with yourself each day!
You parade around like a cocky ass whos important.
While I carry the load of raising children that are YOURS also.
I hate that you are getting away with this. I hate that you avoid responsibility. I hate that I cant have much faith in you because you never are able to really show it.
I hate that you are FAKE
CON MAN
PHONEY
HYPOCRITICAL
I hate that that woman even gave you the time of day. The same woman who used to look at me in church and say “MAKE HIM STOP TEASING ME! Make your husband be nice to me Victoria!” in church all those years. And then thats the very woman You have been fucking now.
How long will it take for everyone else to see what you really are? How long will you get away with your Lies?
God this is wild to type even. I have to stop now, but wow, Im crying but I am feeling a little unburdened. Gotta go……