Question for Guys

Dear Diary,

Its a cloudy day with drizzle most of it, now its raining, it sounds nice.

Little one is asleep, B is passed out, and my oldest is happily camped out with the television. Yes he can stay up late and just watch tv, he isnt an early to bed type, never has been, must get that from my side of the family. 🙂

Little one literally puts himself to bed, lately around 8-8:30 many nights, oldest on the other hand, he could stay up till 10-11 at night if I allowed it but I send him to bed.

Bed time is 9pm weeknights but I will let is slide on the weekends unless Im just beat or they are acting up bedtime is firm.

Didnt do a whole lot today, kinda hard with the weather, I mean I washed dishes and did some laundry stuff, but what Id really like to do is get into the garage and organize some more and move some more stuff out there, but I didnt want to get wet and go in and out of the house to do so, my garage doesnt have a door attached to the house, so I have to walk out the front door to the driveway to get to it.

B and I slept in, well sleeping till 9 something is sleeping in for me!

He had an item end today on ebay so he was excited about it.

We just tinkered around online, then I got up and had the kids doing their chores, while I cleaned in the kitchen. I told B he was going to the gym, so finally around 2:30 or so he got dressed to go. He got a call today, he met some lady over the phone awhile back, someone he as to deal with in regards to loans and all and I guess has to talk to often, anyways she lives out here, and so she called and said she and her husband were having a poker game tonight at 7pm and invited us. I couldnt get a sitter, to short of notice and my mom is watching the kids tomm night as my friend from NY is here.

So I guess I was all bummed, wondering if B would go anyways and Id be home alone with the kids. But he didnt go nor did he mention it again.

He felt good and happy after going to the gym and thanked me for pushing him , telling him to GO.

He made homemade mac and cheese for us for dinner tonight, and part of the day the kids sat on his side of the office watching him play Counterstrike and he let oldest play it a little.

I told B Im about ready to get the computer set up in oldest childs room. He could start using it more. For school stuff and all.

So B and I laid in bed watching tv, just laying there, it was about 6pm. I just got up and locked the door, the kids were all mellow watching tv as I didnt allow any tv all day.

So I just laughed at B a wicked laugh, hes all “What are you up too?” And I just dived into the covers, and told him to take his pants off. I was just in a mood, not even really for sex, just the confinement and the boredom and being inside all day, I wanted to play, well the play got him aroused, and well, we had a nice quick little love making session. 🙂

We laid in bed for awhile, then I ran out to remove a movie rental and get us something to snack on. Was just nice out, it wasnt cold, it was drizzling though.

We dont get much rain here, and this whole past week its been raining, so after all of this thing around here are going to be beautiful.

I cant wait till the weather warms up, and the days are longer. I was talking to B about that tonight, about going back to the park, walking the track, spending time out and how we can still do it even with the commute cause in the summer time it gets dark after 8pm and the weather is so nice here and the skate park is open too and we can all go and even be there after dark as we did many times in the past. Funny how B didnt live with us then. I used to sit at that park and call him on the cell phone sometimes when I was there. I think the park was a good way for me to get out and not think about him not being with us, as I missed him.

Yesterday the kids and I went to the store, it was raining lightly and that was also after the minor snow, well little one goes running and jumps into what he thinks is a puddle, well it is, they have a metal grate along the front of the store that dips in a little, well little ones feet hit and he slid and fell flat on his back, his head hitting the grate. It all happened so fast, I quickly grabbed at him. He got up and was crying. I asked him if he was alright, he nodded. The back of his sweatshirt was wet and he had the hood on when he fell. I knew it was a nasty fall and he hit the back of his head when he landed. I asked him if he wanted to go home. As they were going to use their gift cards, he said no. So I said “Hun, you cant go running and jumping into things like that, they have had signs up out here before that even says its slippery” I more was pissed at him for doing it, but he learned his lesson. Well we got into the store and I asked him to remove his hood, the back of his head had a big bump and blood, I got a little scared and we headed to the rest room. I cleaned it up but it was more like blood under the skin. An employee walked over and said “Ohhhh thats a contusion do you want me to get some help?” I said no thanks. She said he may have broke the skin and wanted me to pull at it to see if it was a split. I knew what she was getting at if he would need stitches or something but it didnt split. She told me I should tell store security.

I did on my way out and told them they should put those signs back up that say its slippery, a woman walked by me and said I should make a report with the store. I had everyone sorta looking at us cause the employee told others and was looking at us as we came out of the restroom. It was sorta awkward.

I went on with shopping, little one wanted to go. B called while I shoped and I told him what happened. Hes all “So he was being stupid and messing around so it was his fault?” I said yes. Hes all “Did he pass out, how are his eyes, etc” I said no, h e was just shook up and I knew hed be okay. I know with people suing anyone and everyone these days,,, heck I didnt want to go to the dr either, I knew if I did theyd look at it and say to take it easy and give him childrens tylenol if he has any pain, yada yada…

I dont know, I grew up different where people didnt freak over everything.

So I did notify the store, but didnt file anything.

So kids got a new toy, and we then headed home.

Hes been okay, he had a good sized bump on the back of his head, but this AM its gone down, its just a red spot now.

But hes doing fine.

So tonight B and I watched some tv, and I read him some of a book till he passed out.

And here I am, I dont know what to do with myself.

I want to do something productive but theres so much to do and where to start? Sighhhh

B has been good, I didnt stay mad at him, obviously. He didnt fight me over any of it or deny and removed the stuff from the house then and there.

Its weird how hes here now sometimes when I think it over.

There are days I think of being single again, and hanging out with guys.

Mr Comedy contacted me as of recent so we have chit chatted some online, I know he is trying the old familiar angle with saying how B isnt there for me, yada yada and wanting to be all the listening guy, but its not like it used to be. I used to do it with all my guy pals.

Run to them and cry when I was upset and they wanted to come to the rescue, Ive stopped that now.

And I was reminded about why Music Dude and I would never work, he smokes pot on a regular basis. And I told him that long ago that we would work cause of that when he always said we should get married.

I love B. I do. I was watching Real World re runs earlier today and this guy away from his girlfriend doing the show and how they broke up before it and had freedom to do whatever during that time, and usually on the Real World people hook up, theres a lot of drinking and partying and well the dude hooks up with some girl at a bar. His ex girlfriend was beautiful too and hed talk to her on the phone, then he hooks up with some fake boobed bar girl, takes her home and kicks her out at 4am after fooling around with her, and well , you get the idea and then realizes all the more how special his ex girlfriend is, how empty this stuff is. Its momentary fun you know? And sure it sounds appealing at times. But really, when you have someone regularly, you begin to forget what its like when they arent there and long for what you miss but forget to realize all the good aspects to having them, how that comfort is a nice thing to have. Sure its boring often times. Anyways, you get the idea, I think…

So I have a question, for guys or any of you girl readers ask your men or guys you know this question k?

I know that guys like the chase often times in getting a woman.

So how do you keep that feeling going when you are steady, committed, living together, married, etc?

I just am trying to get a grasp on how to make that chemistry still there and wonder if its part of the problem with B and the sexual thing. Like I want sex and am the one who pursues it much more, but I pretty much always want it I tell him. I mean Im not challange, but how do I turn that around, do you think that would help things? But how do I do it, I have to pretend it basically LOL cause i have a higher drive these days. But hes told me in the past things like “Your too available” I mean he needs to miss me too.

And then thats the other part of me, Im one of those people who likes coupledom. Doing many things together, being together a lot. My best buddy. I do have friends but most of the time prefer my partner to do most things with, my girlfriends I do have we hang more via telephone talks or emails or online, we TALK. I do get together with D, and we yap. But her man likes and wants to be around her, hes bummed when shes away, he adores her. But she on the other hand likes some space and distance etc.

Anyways, feedback on this stuff is appreciated.