Proud of Me : )

Dear Diary,

:::Yawn:::

Have had a dull headache most of today, its finally starting to go away since I took some Tylenol.

B just called a bit ago, poor guy still was at work. Waiting for his ride. I told him that I can pick him up Friday evening, and if he has to work saturday I can help with his ride then also. He said Thank you.

Im proud of him. 🙂

The great thing is about his new job, is its a good paying job and one he can work almost anywhere. And I was reading a magazine article and it was listed as a HOT JOB in this section on careers that have good pay and there are lots of need for people to do them.

I wrote out my bills today. I get paid Friday. YAY! But I have my paycheck stub already, just have to wait for the direct deposit. So I wrote out everything and put aside half the mortgage payment. That way when I get paid in 2 weeks again I can get it in before the late fee deadline and I wont be panicing so much since I already have half put aside. I could only afford to pay half my cell phone bill, but thats ok, they wont shut it off as long as Im paying. I will get it caught up, just a rough patch at the moment. I really have to start being very watchful of how I spend.

So as I was writing my bills. I checked my email. Ex said his cell phone isnt working, it has been shut off, he said he has no money to pay it, but hopes to get it back on soon. A small part of me wants to feel sympathy.

But Ive never been one for Kharma. But I know how my ex lived for the past year and a half. He had plenty of cash, he wasnt paying support or helping me with much. He was off traveling all over the US, driving sporty rental cars and getting food and hotels covered by his job. He always had nice clothes on. Showing off on his cell phone with clients.

And I know he has toys galore. You know gadgets and all that. I went to see him middle of last year and I cried when I entered his hotel room when I looked at all the gadgets, clothing, CDs and everything he had, meanwhile I could hardly buy food and my mom was bringing groceries all the time.

My Ex, sorry to put it bluntly, but he has been a total Asshole since the split. Irresponsible, self centered, selfish, uncaring, abusive, mean, neglectful to name just a few things. And yes it makes one angry to see them getting away with it.

Now here he is, jobless, is on his 3rd person in 2 mos of living with, his cell phone is shut off, he no longer is using his attorney and representing himself. And I can only guess that he is in such a financial hole its not even funny. Not counting all the things I have no idea about since we have been apart. He is truly having to FEEL the results of what he has done. So I cannot feel bad for him, he brought this on himself. And I really do not know if he will ever learn and Grow up, but people in those situations never do usually turn around till they hit bottom and are honest with themselves. And well my Ex hasnt hit his bottom. Hate to say it, but he hasnt even come close. And Im waiting to go to the District attorney once the legal issues are settled. And they will take away his drivers license as one of the recourses for non paying parents.

But at this point I truly suspect he has some lawsuits pending, one saying he was in an accident uninsured and could loose his license. And his truck is a Lease that should be up anytime now, and hes is soo far over the mileage. And I would even bet they will end up looking for it for Repo.

Unless my ex does some swift planning and gets his act together. Hes gonna sink himself.

Its amazing to see in the time that we have been apart how he has started to destroy himself. Yet talks to me and tells me to GROW UP?

Sure its been hard. But I was a stay home mom. I managed the finances while he worked. I cleaned up his credit, made sure bills were on time, I brainstormed extra income ideas while home. Sure my ex could make money, but without a manager of it behind him, there was no way we could have bought a house or could he have gotten that truck.

Now Im alone. I am solely taking care of the children. I work full time. I have paid all the bills and mortgage and taken care of the house. I now have health benefits for the children and I.

I have been working on myself, been in groups and counseling and I am proud of all that I have learned. I am glad I think of my children, I am thankful to have had B, and also in many regards, Im glad that he isnt in my life more because my children dont feel threatened by him and have their Mom right now to be there for them.

Yes some days I freak out, get tired and frustrated. But its not that bad to be honest. It may be uncomfortable, but I really am not THAT BAD. It could be much worse, and its still unacceptable that my ex hasnt stepped up to be responsible for what he has to provide. But still I at least CAN MAKE IT, without him.

YAY ME!