Angry Guy

Dear Diary,

Well I read up some on the Net, want to go and get some books, I ordered a supplment I found on the Net for little one, and Im doing some changes to his room and all this weekend.

So much more to write about yesterday I didnt get to yet.

I went to the gym, and Cute Gym Guy was there, he didnt look at me or anything, and I could see his mood still sucked, he just had his walkman on, worked out with the guys but in between sets hed walk away then come back. Hed curse at them and he was just irritable, day before Gym buddy said to me “Hey whats up with D lately? I say Hi to him and hes all blowing me off” I said I didnt know. So this big guy walks over to me, one that Cute Guy usually talks to and says “Hey whats up with him? I went over to him and he totally pushed me away, dude what did I do to him?” I said I didnt know what was up with him and that its not just him. Hes all “Im not talking to him anymore, dude hes physco!”

One of his workout buddies made him and brought him brownies the day prior and Im sure its to try and cheer him up. So he walked by me and I said “So the brownies didnt help cheer him up?” Hes all “Fuck No!”

So I wasnt in the mood to do more, I finished my cardio, walked over to him and said “You busy? Want to get out of here?” and he finished up his set and we left the gym early. I said “Whats up with you?” Hes all “Nothing” and well bullshit.

I took him over to Jamba Juice and we sat and talked. When we got back in my vehicle to just sit and talk he went on and started in on “I think you just used me, I think you knew he was coming over that night and you wanted him to get jealous”

I had it with him then and there. I started up the vehicle, hes been laying all these guilt lines on me and Im sick of it, I told him where things went bad, and we went over that episode where he demanded sex, I told him how wrong he was, that I wasnt into B then, I wanted to be with him, that I freakin called him in out of his vehicle and said to stay, and once I reminded him of all that hes all”NO Veronica you are right there you did try, I was an asshole that night”

I told him “Im not going to listen to this from you any longer, I told you how it was, I told you I wasnt using you, yet you keep repeating it, and Im not listening to this crap okay? I took you out because I was concerned about you, and maybe if youd open up your eyes youd realize alot more people care about you then you think”

And he went on with how hed be best to crawl back into his hole and not associate with people, how ever since hes gotten out of prison he doesnt understand people.

We drove back to the gym I was dropping him off, I didnt have much to say cause he pissed me off with what he was saying. So hes all “So your mad at me now huh? Veronica, I dont know how to communicate well” I said “Well how was I to take your statement, it was clear”

We got back to the gym and sat there.

He told me how he thinks of me so much, how hes not many anyone like me, he said “You can make me smile by coming back into my life”

He leans over and looks into my eyes, he comments on this little freckle I have next to my eye, its small, and he always looks at me and says “Oh just checking to see if my freckle is still there”

He started to tell me how beautiful I was in detail. He reached for my hand, told me how much he misses massaging me, oh yeah, and then we are all talking about the times we had together that we enjoyed. He wanted to kiss me goodbye but I didnt have any part of that.

We spoke on the phone last night, mainly about youngest as Cute GYm Guy also is an ADHD kid who struggled with all the same stuff. He was kicked out and put into the legal system at age 13 by his mom who couldnt handle him and he ended up in foster care and all this garbage, then drugs, then prison.

He talked about how frustrating his life has been, growing up with disabilities, how hes the one child born with them, how his sister is a pilot, his brother is in the military, and on and on, how his mom studied physcology and all. And hes all “Then you have me who never amounted for anything, I get angry at times, I hate my Mom for giving up on me. Thats why Im so close to my Grandma, she didnt ever give up on me, she wrote to me when I was in prison, she sent me things, she helped to petition to get me released earlier, shes the relative I talk to on a weekly basis”

He then said “Veronica, I love your soft white skin, I love your little freckle, in fact you have a tiny one on the back of your left hand,,, its right next to your ,,,,,,,,, uhhh knuckle on your 4th finger” I look, and hes right! Its just weird as hes taken that in and remembers.

Late after 11pm I called my oldest sister, we talked until 1am!

Write more on that one later….