Christian Phoney Husbands?

Dear Diary,

Wow! So much to write! Yesterday was a STRANGE Day for me emotionally.

First off waiting for the ex to come work at my job. I was a lil anxious/nervous of how it would be. Well he came in. He always goes and talks to the employee in the room next to me since they used to work together but they both always talk really loud so I can hear the convos so I find that annoying. Just BS work talk.

I ended up with a terrible stomach ache. I had 30 more minutes of work to go and was in the bathroom twice with a stomach ache. Im guessing it was just the stress and my nerves of being around him.

As I left he was outside the front door with the boss wifey talking. I said “Do you know where to go tonight?” he said no then I told him. He responds with “Can your Mom go?” I looked at him and said “Im not gonna ask my Mom to go” He replied “Well Id feel better if someone else was there” I said “Well its not going to be a problem for me” and I walked to my vehicle and said call me later. Grrrr, as I got in my vehicle I was annoyed. The whole point of me inviting was my first step for us to be around eachother in a civil manner. I INVITED HIM. And he wrote me about 4 different emails the past 3 days telling me to “Grow Up, Move On, Its sad we cant be around the kids without them thinking we will fight” and on and on and on and all the previos crap with drop offs and refusing to drop offs at my Moms house, and on and on.

So I sat there and thought “Victoria, if he feels you need to invite a babysitter to watch us to watch our children trick or treat, then this is not the right time to be around eachother” so as I was pulling out I motioned him over and said “If you feel we need someone to watch us then lets not do it, you will see the kids tomorrow” He said “Ohh well I just dont want anything said like in the past” Hes referring to my restraining order I know. But everything in it was factual and truth. I dont just make up stuff. HE DOES.

So he then said “Well can you write me an email and say that you arent scared of me or think Im going to do something to you tonight?” I looked at him, UGH! I said “Im not writing an email like that. I invited you, thats all you need. If you are worried about something happening then we dont need to be doing this” He then said “Ok what time” and that was it. I was dreading going after that.

I didnt tell the kids till right before 7pm that they would see him just in case plans fell through. Well we went. Ex showed up and ran up behind them and surprised them. We walked around together. It was kinda awkward. He stood far away from me. I said “I dont have cooties” he said “I Know” and his cologne you could smell a block away. He did look nice, he let his hair grow back, he was always shaving it and said he loved it that way. I always was saying Grow it out! So we went around the block, the kids were very happy to see him, with I love yous and all. My little one said “Mommy, is this ok with the judge?” I told him we dont need to ask the judge about this. This was solely my call to do. And the restraining order was never served, my ex would have never known about it, it wasnt till he hired an attny did he even know that I go one last year. But thats a whole other story. Its on record now. It was approved by a judge but I never had it served. Due to my past attorneys screw ups and also ex and I began talking again on good terms through the holidays last year.

I gave Ex a gift as he left. Late for his Bday. It was pictures from his Grandparents 50th wedding anniv party that we went to, it was on a disk drive and I hadnt been able to access it for almost 3 yrs and B got into the drive so I got all the prints for Ex. It was the last time his gma was alive in photos, and all the family was there, and the last time my ex saw his Dad. So it was lots of rare moment photos. He just put it in his coat and didnt ask what it was. And then he left. So it went well. 🙂

But I did feel a bit sad walking around with Ex. How we stood so far apart. Remembering how we used to do these things together with the kids. Watching other couples walking holding hands and being “Together” that part made me sad. I then went by my friend C’s house on the way home, he does it really spooky and with special effects and all. He works in radio. So I take the kids every year. He had me and the kids come in and gave me a hug, his wife and 2 lil ones were there, and both sets of grandparents. C is my childhood friend Ive known since I was 4 and he lives on the street in the same house where we both grew up. We walked in the kitchen and he asked how I was and the ex situation. He has nothing but disgust for my ex.

We all sat in the living room. I asked him what his little girl was and he said “A beautiful butterfly, and the most beautiful one Ive ever seen” and I just listened to he and his wife. And how the grandparents were there and it was so nice to watch. This is the type of family thing I desire. So it partially made me sad to see. But I also am so proud of C. He is truly a great guy, always was. But to see his family in action. 🙂 I then headed out.

Called B on my way home, he just got in from work, so I said Id call when I was home. I got in and went through the kids candy. OH! I forgot to add. As they said goodbye and hugged their Dad my youngest said “I need to see you and Mom hug” ex and I both looked at eachother and laughed. I would have hugged him, but he was more staying away from me. I tried to hug him once awhile back and he threw his arms up and yelled WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? in front of the kids, so since then I dont iniate a hug, he can.

So I was talking to B, I was actually reading old letters he wrote me when we had been dating about a month. I was looking through some and amazed at the letters he used to write me. So he was wanting to hear. And making snide remarks about them, totally cutting down his sweetness. Yeah being a pain in the ass. Then my phone beeped? It was about 9pm on Halloween? Whos calling? I thought My Ex. So I switch over and its my friend D???? This is the woman I just went to visit this past month. Shes 41 married christian woman who homeschools her 3 children. So Im puzzled wondering whats up, its a strange night to call, most families are busy with their children. So she said “I need to talk to you” Im thinking Hmmm my ex got in touch with them or something.(my ex worked for her husband years ago) So she said she wants to get together because she needs to talk without her Husband, and that he was home so she could only talk so much. So now Im like hmmm whats going on?

I clicked over and told B Id call him back that something was up with a friend.

Well here I have a woman who is 11 yrs older then me saying “Victoria, I dont know what you think of me, I dont know if you can see past the facade or if I have you fooled, but everyone thinks Im the perfect christian woman with a perfect marriage” Im like UH OH. She said she has been thinking about me a lot. She knew we needed to talk. Shes married 13 yrs to a financially well off man. They live very nicely. Hes a deacon in their church. And she tells me how shes so emotionally starved, and cant stand his puts downs, and now he beginning to put her down in front of people and its just crushed her spirit. She has no respect for her husband anymore. She said she feels less then and she keeps telling him how starved she is emotionally and he tells her things like “Nobody else would want you, your hard to put up with, you cant leave me” and has referred to her to his employees “My wife was a ghetto girl before I married her” And one guy at his work walked up to her and said “So I heard you were once a ghetto girl” She was really hurt by this, and she said there is so much more, how she feels like a prostitute, etc etc” And she didnt know who to talk to, because shes in the whole christian environment. And well guess what, she has grown attached to her gardner. EEEKS! haha, see where this is going? She hasnt become intimate with him but she is feeling the temptation. She is just a mess emotionally. She is feeling alive again because of this guys attention. Anyways, its all similar in many ways to things I have gone through. She kept asking me “Do you think me being older Im wiser? Do you think I should just go with it and just forget everything? Do you think I should just buck up and stay with this marriage” and on and on. I cant even begin to write how much we talked about. I do understand her, but she is in a fragile place right now. Shes known this guy 4 mos and is almost ready to just run off with him, which I see it being a crash and burn situation. So we are going to try and get together Saturday evening the two of us. She spoke about how her husband is the biggest phoney. He doesnt help out with the children, all he does is go into his office and count his money, go through his financial records. She said “yeah hes a good provider, we live well, hes accomplished, a MIT graduate, blah blah blah” but she said “Listen, I have been praying to God, and Im like God, Im drying up here, this relationship is dead” She is just starving, and this guy is meeting an area that isnt being met by her husband. And yes she has had talks over and over with her husband about how she is feeling. So its nothing new. But its sort of that lost respect for him thing I can see.

Anyways, I was just floored to be called by someone older then me, who needed to talk, and new I was a safe person to talk to. She said “When you were at my house I knew I needed to talk to you, I knew I have always liked you, and I knew you were the person i could call”

I was telling B what was up and he said “Victoria, you are the poster girl for the christian woman who had the balls to leave her marriage” haha

Well B and I talked awhile. I told him he should meet her. We talked about her situation. B said she sounds as if she is trying to get revenge in a way on her husband, a slap in the face due to a lot of the situation I told him about.

He said he would love to meet her.

Well after I drop the kids off today Im heading to the Valley to pick B up from work, then stay the night at his place. Hes gonna be working on his car all day tomorrow, then working part time job tomorrow night. So Ill just come back home tomorrow and hopefully get to meet up with my girlfriend.

Its weird because I had this very talk with my girlfriend last sunday when I was at her house on her couch about the church, phoniness, christian women in these marriages. Then I go to group Monday and I spoke about it, then here I get a phone call last night about it.

Ok God, whats up?