On my Way!

Dear Diary,

Im just looking down at my black casual slip on shoes I wear, ewww I need to get new ones. 🙂 They are just looking ready to retire, ahh but that will wait, Im back on a money strapped period again. No support check from ex on the first so I wonder if his employer got served with the wage assignment? Will wait to hear the word cause I was told that can take a month or so to get established and all. Dunno?

Well yesterday was busy, Kids first day of school, me back to my old work routine, longer days for all of us. I liked the fact the house was clean when I got home though! No kids there all day making a mess. 🙂 I need to do some heavy duty cleaning, mainly my kitchen floor needs it, one eve this week I will. I went to group yesterday also. Im not sure whats going on in the place, but the New Year meant the place moved, a bunch of new staff, new policies, new grants. So Im gathering the funds are being cut? I really dont know whats going on, but people are just leaving. The 2 people whos groups I attended, one left, other leaves in 2 weeks, then yesterday they announced no more child care. 🙁 Which was a big help to me cause my kids could go along with.

I welcome change, new challanges and people. I really think the place had a great thing going and some great moderators and therapists, and I think they were impacting peoples lives, so I hate to see this program dwindle, because I have seen how its helped me this past year. Its been part of my saving grace. My support system, my learning and place of much healing.

Well I called one of the women from group last night. We have a lot in common. Shes dealing with something very similar to my Mr Comedy friend I HAD. We talked on the phone awhile and she had me laughing so much! Which felt so good. And we talked about planning some type of girls night out, like to have desert or something sit in a restaraunt and talk. And there is this other girl whos number we got that we think would be great to take a long. A lot of us there have been reclusive since leaving our abusive partners, have been withdrawn from female friendships also. And also our finances have been limited and all of us are working on rebuilding our lives. One just completed school, but now she needs a car, and intern hours, the other has more schooling to complete and so its like they are both on roads to better lives, but this is the phase right before picking up a job. I am glad I called her though, she sounds like a lot of fun. And she actually is a online chatter and I met Mr Comedy on Match.com and she has met guys from there also, said she watched a show on a couple from there who got married, and I said I have a friend getting married to a guy from there also. Sooo hmmm what is it with Match eh?

I didnt see B online until about 8:30pm last night. I have been missing him lately, his attention, hes been working daily on his Jeep. Which is a good thing, I have just gotten spoiled for periods with him not working a lot to having him around to talk to, and I have to realize it cant always be that way. He needs to get a full time job also and he wont be free to hang out and talk and he will be tired in the eves also.

Well last night I was more tired, with my new routine day, he wanted to play Slingo, we play it and type antagonizing comments about how we are gonna whoop eachothes asses, haha. But I just wasnt in the mood really, its like I just wanted to sit and veg and unwind. I told him it would be nice to have him there to kiss and snuggle up too. He said “Well I will have to come up there” so not sure when that will be though. But Im not freaking out, Im dealing with myself, my situation, our lives. I know he loves me. 🙂

My kids both enjoyed their first day of school. My oldest loves it and its his turf now so he just takes off right away, my youngest wanted me to walk him to his class room today, so I did, then showed him where to put his backpack and he had time for morning recess, so he ran off to play and just waved. Ahhh my boys are growing up! So soon I will just drop them off curbside. Just making sure my little one is secure to walk up to his class with his brother, but I can tell he will be fine by end of this week.

Its also nice having someone I went to school with who has a child in my childs class. Its wild! And she lives in the same area as when she was a kid. And she is cousins with one my childhood clique girlfriends. She said after school yesterday she called her cousin to say “Guess what! I saw Victoria and her son is in my sons class” so B her cousin said to tell me to stop by and visit. They live right by the school. Its funny cause Ive known them all since grade school, and then my ex’s aunt and uncle live right across the street from them. Its sort of mormon land over there. The whole street has about 6 different family members who have boughts homes on the same street, and my ex’s aunt and uncle are mormon also and live right in the little area. So they all attend the same church.

I guess that got me thinking a lot about my Ex’s side of the family. Its a large extended family who took me in from the get go. I miss them, and its weird when u go through a divorce to know how to speak and be around them, Especially with my ex being so nasty and his mother, and do they say bad things about me to the family?

Im planning at the end of the month to go and visit Ex’s gpa who lives here. I dont see a problem with him at all, I have already gone to his shop since the split and said hello with the kids, hes a nice man and he and I drag raced)playing that is) at a stop light together a few mos ago( the guy is 70!) haha

But I dont see the family here in town shunning me, I think the mormon ones have seen my ex in action enough, him yelling at me while in their home that one episode and I could hear his uncle saying to him “Why are you acting like this? Calm down? Why are you making things into a bigger deal then they are?” and my ex used to stay there on visits with the kids but no longer goes there. So who knows? But I have known them since we dated, and the uncle worked with ex for a period of time so knows about his “other” side first hand. So he is straight up with me and his aunt and uncle both know his Mom is a little out there.

I was thinking about writing a letter for christmas this holiday season though to many members of the family. There are several family members I love and want them to know that and I guess extend some type of bridge saying Its ok to contact me and visit, just since divorce is an awkward time.

I thank God for where I am today. That I made it! That I got out of that life I was in. And I still have many new places to go, but Im glad Im on that road!