Putting Kids in the Middle

Dear Diary,

Good morning.

Well I got home and thought my mom would be waiting there with the kids. But they arrived about 10 min later. The kids were ok, Ex called said he was running a little late and told my Mom this time(thank God)

So my mom and I are talking, the kids said they went hiking and my mom said they were in a good mood and sounds like they got out and had some exercise and it sounded like a good visit for them.

Well I never did get a response from Ex as to where he lives or another phone #. But I did find out he ISNT living with the guy I thought he was with. WHEW! So that was a big relief. But I did find out my ex is living with a guy from our old church. The kids told me a first name and I knew right away the guy. Hes a nice guy and is married to a realtor here in town. He came to our new place when we first moved in and did some cooler work for us. And just 2 weeks ago he called my home number on accident. So I asked the kids “Dadddy is living with G and his wife?” And they said “No, he doesnt live with his wife anymore” Ahhhhh yes, I cannot tell you how many marriages in that church have fallen apart! So its just another to add to the list. What I did know of the guy back in those days I got a REALLY good feel about. I could be wrong, but I did feel safer knowing my kids were at his place. Hes an older guy, works for a AC company and has a little boy around 3. So the kids said they went out the first day in the desert treasure hunting with their Dad and the guy.

Next night they stayed at the chick’s place. They said they slept on her little boys floor. But then my youngest told me last night that her little girl was having a pain in her neck, she couldnt sit up, she couldnt sleep, so the chick left and took her to the hospital. The my little one said “She came back the next day but Daddy made us all go away upstairs when they got home” I said “How come?” He just said “I dont know” So I have no idea what happened to the little girl and felt it odd their Dad made them go away?

But the part that pissed me off was after the kids got home, I was talking with my Mom and my oldest walks in and says “Mom, Dad is going to get us on Wednesday after school…” I said to him “Huney, remember what I told you last week, about the rules, Daddy has to talk to Mommy and we have to agree about these things” and he started to get upset and said “But MOM, DAD SAID. HE SAID HE TALKED TO YOU”

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Can I just say how fucking inconsiderate and what a JERK my ex is? My ex seems to think because he wrote me a email last week saying WHEN he will see them(which is not what the court papers say, nor did I even respond to or acknowledge his requests) He seems to think that is all that is needed, then proceeds to tell the kids he already talked to me about it!

So after my Mom left I had to sit the kids down again for another talk. I thought I covered it well last week, well I did, the kids are just thrown in the middle and their father told them he talked to me, so they are kids, they just believe what they are told. So my son was confused and weepy.

So I said this “Remember I told you how Mommy and Daddy have rules? Well the judge made these rules so things are peaceful and Daddy and I dont fight over them. Daddy gets to see you guys on every other weekend, that is what the papers say. And Daddy has to pick you guys up at the courthouse, that is what the papers say. I said “Your Daddy has to follow the rules” Then I explained to them that going out on a weeknight would be tough with their homework and dinner and then they would be tired. My ex has never been involved in doing their homework or any of that. And he wants to take them to church that night. Which might sound all wonderful and all. I find it disgusting, My mom says hes trying to portray mr Good Dad “Look Im taking them to church”. Then I said how Mommy would have to drive out at night or Gma to get them since Daddy cant just bring them back. Its so weird for me observing my Ex. The whole church connection. How he is so shallow of anything spiritual, Im really not sure why he goes? To keep up a so called GOOD? Appearance? Im not really sure. Because the rest of his life exhibits nothing of what he claims he believes. I just dont want my kids to be under the idea being a christian is about wearing a mask. I want them to be true to themselves, just as I am now learning to be.

So once I explained how they have homework each day and have to eat dinner, since we get home after 6pm each weekday, and then they go to bed at 9pm. They were understanding of what I was saying and seemed okay. I then went to my computer and wrote my ex and email and told him to stop doing this. That everything is laid out in our paperwork, stop putting the kids in the middle, if he wants changes then that needs to go through the attorneys and the court system. So from now on any requests he makes via email or anything Im gonna refer him to my attorney. Im sick of this stuff. He keeps pushing all the limits of everything. Its not COOL.

My little one cried when he went to bed, said he missed his Daddy. I told him it was ok to miss him and said he will see him again soon, and said that he can call him anytime, and that he can say a prayer for Daddy. So we sat in his bed and talked for awhile, my little one just keeps going and going once you let him start. That is why we think he doesnt internalize everything and doesnt get as upset as his brother because he will talk about things. My oldest would prefer to retreat and be alone, play with toys or draw. They both have developed their own ways of handling things.

Mr Obnoxious kept messaging me online last night the minute Id pop on. Asking me “Are you ok?” I didnt even say anything??? Then saying “SOOO? Did you have fun???” I would say “Yes I did” and nothing more, I could tell he was wanting attention and I think he must seem to think he impressed the hell outta me or something! We went out as friends, Im not changing the way I am with him, we talk briefly online, always have. But I really dont think Ill be going out with him again anytime soon unless it was with a group or something. Hes just too much.

I had a dream last night that I was living in some HUGE gigantic house, thinking it came from watching Red Dragon and resembling the house the Red Dragon guy lived in. But for some reason Im there with my Ex, it was like he and I were putting on the party but we are still not together, yet Im also keeping my distance from him. At one point he makes a toast, and says “Too good friends, good health, and to my good job with good pay” and I just looked at him and said “JOB?” and he realized he slipped and knew it. He tried to just keep talking and I said “YOU LIAR!You told me you dont have a job and are looking” Then I ran through the party and said “YEAH! SOME FATHER YOU ARE, LYING AND NOT EVEN PAYING CHILD SUPPORT!” and everyone just looked at me like I was weird and as if not to believe me. I then went to some steps to just sit and cry.

My Ex has to be doing something right now. How he can make it for almost 2 mos with nothing? Either someone has given him a loan or hes working under the table. Which makes me just want to follow him, get a friend together, where wigs and take a camera and follow him for a few days. Yeah be all investigator like, but how else can I find out? And he is aware now that I tried to get a wage assignment on his last job, so I wouldnt doubt if he tries to avoid that by working under the table.

Its hard to believe but he already just in a few mos is $4000 behind to me, not counting time before the court order, and other community debts etc. He owes $1400 for the childrens health insurance. And the list goes on and on. I still dont have a court date for the house and the divorce being final and my attorney leaves during the month of Dec for a vacation. So things may not get settled until next year. Which part of me knows that just more and more debt on his part will be built up for me to apply to the house settlement. All the back money owed is negotiating material. And I plan to probably just let go of any spousal support if I have to and take it off his portion of the house. Sure if he paid Id take the money, but Im seeing how hopeless a cause he is becoming, and I need to take what I can get, and if its off the house, well then its better then sitting and wait for support payments.

I took this kids to school this AM. I started months ago walking them in and opposed to dropping them off at the curb. To make the time Im with them more memorable and be there. So just that walk inside to both their class rooms is nice. My little one is mr independent now and runs off to class. My oldest wants tohold my hand and have me walk to his room. He squeezes my hand tightly and just grins. Its nice to know at 3rd grade he still likes Mom around, he acts proud to have me walk with him and isnt embarassed to hug and kiss me goodbye. Enjoy those times while you can. 🙂