Heaven and Hell Cake

Dear Diary,

Ok second installment of my Weekend.

I woke up around 9:30am with B. Ahhh sleep felt sooo good. We laid in bed talking, it was nice, we actually were laughing. Poor B. His car. He just got a great job that has an hour commute and now he has a major repair job and isnt even sure if once the wires and hoses and cables are fixed if it will run depending on how much damage the fire did. He would just laugh. He does this at times when things that are just hard to handle happen. He just looks up and says “Thanks God once again” and I know its not God up there looking to make B’s life hell for sport. But it is tough, here he gets the best job with great pay. Then just last week he got his car running better, then whammo! Hes carless. 🙁 So he said his roomate will drive him some, which I was glad to hear, but he knows he cant keep that up, and he needs the time and the cash to work on the car. I asked him if they had a carpool or has he inquired? He said “Thats a great idea! I never thought of that” Since its a big company and he lives and works in both highly populated areas. So I sure do hope there is one! That would just be the best thing to happen. But we were also silly and just talking and laughing this AM. He didnt even remember what he said last night or even talking about his car. And he went on to tell me he is famous for talking in his sleep. He has recited a whole movie complete with voices and explained a video game to another friend while in his sleep. So I told him he talked all about his car so I thought he was awake, then he said “But somebody wants to get married” totally out of nowhere. He didnt remember saying it he was so tired and just remembered me coming in and setting my bag down.

So we got up and got ready to head out for the day. We first went to see Red Dragon. Yeah Im a Hannibal fan. Yeah the movies are gross and freak me out, but I do like them.

Its like I can remember seeing each in the series

Silence of the Lambs- I was dating my ex and we went and saw it with his bro and his bros date.

Hannibal- B and I saw this our first month dating and it was our first movie we saw together

and now Red Dragon here B and I are again. Wow its amazing how time flies!

B wanted to take me for Sushi but turned out the places were closed mid afternoon and wouldnt open till dinner. And that was the time I had to head home to get the kids.

Then B and I got into a disagreement. He was driving and said “Dont you rear end me you fucking cunt” referring to a woman behind us, a emergency vehicle was coming through and people were pulling to the side and this woman was close behind and he said he could see in the mirror she was getting pissy and ready to flip him off. I had made some comment about B’s language. How he responds so harshly to people. And the words he uses. And that veered into my empathy talk with him, me saying to understand others and he said WHY? I said how he lacks the ability to put himself in other peoples shoes. But anyways, we got silent. Inside I just was having internal dialogue. I hate the C word. I just detest it. I dont like hearing it. I dont like hearing women called it. I find it totally degrading a term personally. So we drove around in silence. We had to figure somewhere else to eat now. And B is so difficult with deciding things. I told him we need a container with restaraunt names to draw a name out of it to solve that dilemma between us. But he said a place and I jumped at it. That sounded fine to me. Then he was quiet and kinda snappy so I was ready to try and talk since the tone between us changed after he made the comment about the woman driver and I said I didnt like it. So he said “Well yeah Im not in the greatest mood after you bitched at me” I then said “Listen, I dont like that word, I find it offensive, Ive never liked it, and you have no idea how it feels for me to hear, its like the most insulting word a man can use in my eyes, and if its the way you feel you need to talk and you want me to be okay with it, well then Im the wrong girl for you” He gave me a look and said “Okay”

And he was calm, he said he had no idea it bothered me that much and would be careful to watch it. I said Thank you. He asked me why I didnt just say that to begin with, and I shared how I am afraid at times to say things to him. So I said I am now. He asked me “Well what is it you want from me?” I said “Understanding” And he was cool and just repeated how he would make a effort not to use it around me.

I was thinking later, about it, how i never used to cuss and I found any form offensive. Now I dont, I dont cuss very much, probably just in my writings but in real life? B or my ex are probably only the few people who hear it from my mouth. But I dont just use it randomly for everyday affairs, Its generally when Im very passionate or heated or upset about something I need to discuss and get a point across.So why is it ok for me to say the F word? What makes the C word so different?

Then tonight it struck me. My Ex called me that. 🙁 He never ever called me a name or cursed names at me. Then about 4 yrs ago he called me a Cunt during a fight. Yes the same man who put on the christian mask in church was at home calling me that? It hurt me very badly. A man who never curses, I dont like bitch either, but hes never called me that. He went straight for CUNT.

Anyways B and I actually discussed it and came to a resolve, we then held hands and all was good. I have noticed the problems in our communication and this AM when we were in his bed talking I had said that I need him to give me more credit and believe that I can be understanding of things in his life, sometimes I need to hear them and sit on something overnight. And I also asked him to stop doing things to please me, if he doesnt want to do something to tell me, but I also spoke about his delivery. Its blunt and cold sounding. So it makes things sting and I gave him an example to show what i meant.He agreed he does things just to please me, and I said “Yeah and then you arent being true to yourself and then you are bitter towards me over it” he agreed he has done that. So we just got some things out that I think were very good.

The lunch was GREAT! And the waitress didnt notice us and felt so bad, so she brought us this free plate of appetizers, then at the end of the night brought us FREE dessert too! I told her “Oh you are spoiling us!” She said she felt bad for us waiting. And B thanked her and said she had no idea what a bad weekend he had and this is just what he needed. So we had what was called “Heaven and Hell Cake” OMGOSH YUMMY! It was like a chocolate, then peanut butter, them sponge cake, then chocolate cake, wedged between another peanut butter then chocolate layer, with strawberries on top and a strawberry and some other sauce decorating the plate all around it! GOD IT WAS SOO GOOD! Food in B’s area is so yummy! I just cant find stuff like that where I live. I told B thank you for introducing me to fine dining. Each new experience is so delicious. I enjoy it so much. Mmmmmm

I then had to get moving and he gassed up my Jeep for me. 🙂 He thanked me for coming and celebrating his new job with him. I then headed out and he went in with the guys to watch the Angels game. YAY ANGELS WON!

…. and once again, third installment later.. 🙂