Missing Old Friends

Dear Diary,

I was just reading this story on the front page of MSN, but there is more in Self Magazine about this article. Just find this stuff interesting.

Heres a snippit from it…

“SELF” conducted the survey by consulting epidemiologists, physicians and experts from the CDC, NIH, FBI and EPA, along with other experts in women’s health and fitness to help rank the factors that most contribute to a healthy lifestyle. With a list of 31 final criteria, including air quality, motor vehicle deaths, sexual health, access to medical care, the number of health clubs — even days of sunshine per year — they turned to demographic consultant Bert Sperling’s Best Places in Portland, Oregon, to help gather the data and crunch the numbers.

Here are some of the results:

HEALTHIEST PLACES

10. Honolulu, Hawaii

9. Santa Barbara-Santa Maria-Lompoc, Calif.

8. Bergen-Passaic counties, N.J.

7. Ventura, Calif.

6. San Francisco, Calif.

5. Nassau-Suffolk counties, N.Y.

4. Burlington, Vt.

3. Middlesex-Somerset-Hunterdon counties, N.J.

2. Provo-Orem, Utah

1. Stamford-Norwalk, Conn.

UNHEALTHIEST PLACES

10. Gary, Ind.

9. Galveston-Texas City, Texas

8. St. Louis, Mo.

7. Ocala, Fla.

6. South Bend, Ind.

5. Biloxi-Gulfort-Pascagoula, Miss.

4. Flint, Mich.

3. Lafayette, La.

2. Indianapolis, Ind.

1. Memphis, Tenn.

Music dude and I were talking about what places we like, He said he loves Santa Barbara, that would be a nice place to live. It is so pretty there. I havent spent much time in the San Fran area. I need to take a trip! But as far as the rest of the Cali areas. When I wanted to leave the ex I was contemplating moving to the Santa Maria area, I even packed up to leave and was plotting out a plan(this was YEARS AGO) I got the newspaper to start job hunting, and sat on the beach reading while the kids played. Well needless to say 2 days later I was missing my ex and called him and he came down and we went back home together. But it is a pretty area.

So it was nice to see some Cali cities on there, and I guess I thought some Los Angeles city would have rated low or something, but No 🙂

I have been having a friend on my mind lately. It tends to come and go. Its a guy, my old pastor’s son who was good friends with my ex. I always liked the guy. He came into our lives when we were dating. He was sort of the prodigal son and he ended up jail, he was waiting for trial and was out on bail when we met him, when he had given his life to christ and commited to walk with God. So we met him during his change. And he is a great guy. He had to spend about 6 mos in a LA jail. We would drive down and visit him, he would call my ex from the pay phone and write him letters. They were buddies for several years. He was in our wedding and my ex was in his.

But somewhere down the line they grew apart, they werent best buddies anymore. Pastor son was into music, playing guitar, he liked U2, Smashing Pumpkins, and well my ex was dead set secular music was wrong. So I remember them in a debate and my ex getting so heated over it and I used to just say “Stop please” Pastor son wouldnt come over to my ex’s view and my ex was busy trying to badger him into agreement. Later on while we were married, Pastor son married and they moved in Right next door! It was really cool having them for neighbors. But they werent close like they used to be. They were very ecclectic looking, into music, he was working for the church as assistant pastor, and also in bands. He got a tattoo, OOOOO. lol I just remember how harshly that was looked upon. But this guys heart and genuiness I always loved. Yeah inside I had like a deep admiration and also a crush on the guy. Funny how his father is the very pastor I have a lot of anger towards who was abusive in his position.

I last spoke to this guy about 2 1/2 yrs ago. I actually spent some time on the phone with him. It was just before ex and I split up and I was going into college to try graphic arts and that is what he was doing now so he gave me a lot of good tips. He lives up near San Fran now with his wife and 2 children. I miss him. I wrote him an email and sent a christmas card this last year. But nothing came back, and Im sure my ex contacted him after our split, because I saw phone calls during the bad month where he called the former pastor and tried contacting those numbers.

I think of emailing again. But I think I will just attempt another christmas card this year and see if I hear anything back? His wifes parents live here so they normally come out to visit at least once a year.

So I was browsing the net yesterday and remembered he was in a band way back when and typed the name in. And his buddy was in the band also. Who since married his wifes best friend and they were both having children at the same time. Well turns out this band is doing WELL! They are on their 4th album. Its a christian punk band. So it was kinda wild to see, just been so long since Ive talked to these people. I did have some cool friends. I think back to our circle we hung around. My old neighbors still live in the same house( at one point we had 2 different friends from church on either side of our house) but the one couple still lives there.

I went by and invited them to my kiddos bday in May since it had been awhile, but got no response, no showing up, no call. Yeah I cant help but wonder at times, and I know its not supposed to matter what others think of you. I guess I just wonder what my ex has done. He would always run around to everyone and blast me so everyone looked at me funny. Once again as my bro in law puts it “Gathering his Allies and isolating you from friends” But then I wonder does everyone believe my ex. They new him. But then what do they think of me?

I just knew some really cool christian people, and I guess Im thinking and missing? I was so quiet back then, the wife that tagged along, I didnt get to develop deeper friendships, and we were so legalistic at the time we didnt enjoy a lot of activities that I would have loved to have done.

Getting into making friends is difficult for me. I want it. I have been reaching out, at group I am getting phone numbers, some I call, some I hang on to, but then I dont know what to do next. Then part of me is guarded, as much as I want people in my life, I also keep a distance also for self protection perhaps?

Well thats it for now