Where have I been?

Dear Diary,

Well I turn my diary on private now and then. So if you ever come reading and it says my diary cant be found, dont worry it will be back. 🙂

Back to a night alone with the kids. Can you believe B came out Wednesday night and just left today!!!!

I had no idea hed stay this long. It was nice, it was different.

I have nothing really to say other then good things. And Ive begun journaling my 3 pages of morning pages on paper each day so that drains a lot of what I would say here.

But B is a different piece to my life. Im learning to adjust to a CALM man. To a man who enjoys my company, who can sit and be still and not be upset at me. I am learning a lot about myself. About accepting change.

Counseling was good this week as I have been speaking about the relationship between B and I and all of the good adjustments that are occuring in this relationship with him. Its been so long since Ive really cooked much. And I made dinner last night and dessert too! And B had several helpings of EVERYTHING. I feel like such a sucky cook, so it was nice to see him want more, it was a compliment to me.

I had him to snuggle with each night. He is so kind and gentle. He saw me off to work for 2 days, then slept in with me today. 🙂 He picked out Peter Pan’s Return to Neverland for the kids last night, then he and I watched Vanilla Sky( eh that movie was weird, I didnt really like it)

Ex wrote me a super nice email on Friday, Im really not sure how to feel about it, its an attempt at apologizing to me, saying hes getting help, and all that. Not sure if its genuine, only time will tell. But it did feel nice to actually correspond in a decent manner with him via email.

Not sure when B will return. He will definately be out Wed night, since we are leaving around 8am for Vegas. Wooohooo! How fun! He and I alone in Vegas until Saturday! Then the following weekend ex will see kids and I will have a partial weekend with no youngins. So I am getting a lot of togetherness time. Its nice, yet scary for me. Its weird not having B here tonight. Yet it is also nice to have my alone space back.

Its nice to also rarely be online. Counselor said to me “Look how things have changed. What are you doing differently that he is now responding?” and we talked about me letting off, no pressure, pulling back, making plans for myself. Also she said for him to sit down at the beach, share his screenplay and journal pages. She said “Those are precious gifts he gives you, maybe he doesnt give things away as far as material possessions, but for him to trust his writings with you and share them with you are very special gifts and these are ways he shows you how he feels about you”

Things are good right now. 🙂 Ugh I wanna cry.

Good cry. Enough for now.