Mom and Dad Messed UP?

Dear Diary,

Well I spent my whole weekend working on my office room of the house! I spent a lot of hours on it! Its not even half done but Im SOO happy with the progress so far. I cant wait to post pics!

I cleaned out stuff friday night, Sat morning I cleaned all the door jams from all of the texture residue when they textured the house before we moved in(they didnt mask the trip or door jam,switchplates, or light fixtures! So they were all coated in the white mud texture, so luckily a wet rag softens it so I can wipe it all off. I then went to Home Depot and picked out my colors. My walls are “London Red” and the trim is “Antique Gold” sounds wild eh? I used one of those picture display room cards that showed the colors together. So I got home and started with the red, and was a bit scared at first. It was different and nothing ive ever tried and very bold. But once I got one wall done and some trim, I realized it was going to look GREAT! I have painted half the room so far. I need to paint the wall area above the glass slider still, and the last wall will have to wait until I get the wall cabinets removed. I also still have to paint the backsides of the doors.

Sat eve I had to assemble my new computer desk. Now the price was great on it, $75. And it says “Easy as 123 to assemble” on the box. Well! The dang thing took me HOURS! to put together. Whew I was tired! But I got it all done and all of my computer stuff is on it now and I love it! Im so anxious to start hanging things on the walls but have to refrain and not get ahead of myself. I have a lot of pictures and frames to go through, and Im trying to make my new style of decor more simple, less clutter, clean and neat. So I have refrained , 🙂 I am anxious to put up a framed pic of B and I. It will be the first time ive displayed a picture of us.

I still get nervous thoughts about Mom knowing Im dating someone. I mean I mention guys but just that we spent the day doing something, never much else said or using the term “Dating” or anything. And now with the kids back to school, she wont be at my house everyday. And I guess I dont know how to handle the thing with her stopping into my house when Im not home leaving groceries and things, cause if B is there, well that will be just awkward for the both of them. I just have a hard time saying to my Mom “Please dont just stop by, call me first, or leave stuff in the garage if you are dropping something off” Funny thats so hard to say, but it is.

I dont think I wrote about the call with my sister last week. Talking about my parents. They got lost going to a party in Long Beach last week for my sisters little girl and my parents took my kids with. Well once I talked to my sister shes all “Victoria, thats not really what happened” And then I understood why she was hurt and upset at my parents for not showing.

She said that she called my Mom that morning because she didnt get the invite in the mail yet with the instructions and my Mom said they were running a little late. So my sis wanted to give her the directions over the phone and she said my mom refused to write them down and insisted my sister leave them at their home on the front door. Mind you its about an hour and a half drive to their home. My sister was trying to tell my mom over and over again the instructions were easy and if they went to their house first it would be out of their way and take more time. She said she tried 3 times to tell my mom this but my mom got very serious and stern and said “Leave them on the door” and then she said “But we are going to that cemetary” A cemetary stone she wanted to see from her family history research. My sister said “Victoria? Mom calls and says they are running late, she refuses my instructions, then she says But Im going to that cemetary! And drags your kids along?” And well by the time my parents were done at the cemetary, my dad is diabetic and they stopped to eat lunch, then they said they had to get out before traffic, so they sat at my sisters house for an hour thinking maybe the party was over, but then just left and went home, said they tried to find the party but couldnt.

My sis said “Victoria, remember I said that I have all these weird concerns and worries. How we are trying to figure out how we think? Its from Mom” Sis is in therapy right now and got on an antidepressant for her depression but she really didnt know why she was depressed.

Well she told me some stories about my Mom and Dad. I wasnt even born at the time. Im the 9 yrs later OOPS baby. And my siblings are all close in age. She said she forgot about so many things until she and my bro and sis went to lunch last month and my brother told them about a story they forgot about and it all came back once he shared it. About my Dad how he used to hit my oldest sister all the time in the head, just for the heck of it, So one day my brother stood up to him and told him to stop doing that to her and defended her. Well I guess when my Dad hit her she fell on the floor, and then he kicked her in the side. Called her stupid. And I believe he hit my brother also. My Middle sis said her and mom just stood there watching. She said Mom did nothing, and she was the young one at the time. That growing up my parents told her “You stay away from them, dont act like them” referring to my oldest sis and bro.

I have never seen my dad hit anyone in the family. So its weird to hear these stories. I know it went on, and my middle sis said she wasnt physically beaten like they were, so we noted how different our other 2 siblings attitudes are about our parents. They are very tough, say they are weird, they dont care to talk in depth. My middle sis and I have a lot more of the internal verbal stuff going on inside of us. “Be a good girl, dont question, look good to everyone” that type of stuff. We were the quiet “good” ones. And sis said “Victoria, it wasnt that our other siblings were bad kids, they just spoke up and questioned mom and dad, said I dont understand? Why are you doing this? And this was when they got in trouble.

My mother has always said to me “When you were born, I told your Dad NO MORE, as far as discipline goes. So my father never disciplined me as a child. So I have not witnessed that side. I know its there in him but Ive not witnessed it first hand.

But she said to my Mom on the phone “Mom, I dont understand, you new you were running late and your choose to go to a cemetary over your own grandaughters birthday, and you drug 2 little kids along” She said my mom once again threw the blame on my sis, which I said to my sis “Ive never known mom to admit wrong doing or take responsibility” my mom thinks that my sister is upset at her because my Dad left a nasty note on her door to her house. My sis said “Victoria, Dad did leave a note, but he said “Why didnt you tell us the party was off the such and such freeway before hand?” and my sis then spoke to my Dad and said “Dad, I tried! I tried to tell mom and she wouldnt let me over the phone, she was more concerned with seeing that cemetary which she could have done any day”

It sounds screwy, its just an example, of things they do, that are hard to understand and dont make sense. So there is this sense of confusion.

An example on my part?

I called my mom one day last year from the gym. I locked my keys in my vehicle. I had triple A but also had to get both kids in an hour from school, so I thought it would be faster to call mom since she had a spare key. So she said shed be right over. Well an hour went by, NOTHING. I call and call, I get my Dad and he said she went to her hospital volunteer group. Im like WHAT???

So I had to call triple A, I wasnt going to get away in time, so I had to call each school cause the kids were gonna be waiting since we were late, and then direct my Dad whos never been to their classes before and he did all the running around and fed my kids dinner. He said “Mom is becoming befuddled” and so it was very stressful. And well I was too afraid to ask my Mom what happened. Its like she cant admit she goofs up, nor did she ever mention it or apologize for not coming. Its weird stuff like that.

I was chocking it up to age and poor memory,but my sis said “VIctoria, they have always done this type of stuff, none of it makes any sense!”

Its like we are afraid to stand up to mom. She is very opinionated on things, and I said “Heck Im almost 30 and I still fear moms response? and I live on my own!”

So yes, mom is dysfunctional like all of us, she isnt terrible, she has done so much for me and the kids and I love her, its just Im going to have to start drawing a line, living my OWN life, and start breaking free from her controls also. And its scary, but this will be the next person I will have to establish boundaries with. I know Mom will love me regardless, but I dont expect it all to go perfectly smooth either. When we change, not everyone you are close to adapts well and likes it. I said to sis “Im ready to move” She laughed at that. All of my siblings moved out of town right away after high school. Im the only one who has stayed close to mom and Dad.

OH! B got sick on sat eve, and was in bed, vomiting, achy and all, so Sunday he was homebound. 🙁 Poor guy, today hes attempting to work on his Jeep, tune up work but said if he starts to feel sick he will go back home to rest. I should see him soon though. 🙂