Thanks Ladies

Dear Diary,

Thanks to all of you for your comments. There were some great things said for me to think about, I appreciate all the feedback very MUCH. 🙂

Im waiting for the mechanic right now to come and get my Jeep and look at my AC, YAY! Oh I pray its nothing to major to get it fixed and running.

Talked to B last night before bed, then I was falling asleep on him. He had something the day before. When I was telling him “B, I have never been alone, I have always been with someone since I was 16.” He said “Well then its probably a good idea you do have that experience” But then he follows it up with “You have said yourself Victoria, you dont just “date” men, you arent into flings, or brief stints. You choose people you want to “Be” with though”

So that is why he said hes not ok with just “Dating” me if Im seeing others. Which I pointed out originally when I said I wanted to break of this exclusive factor with him, I even said “What you want me to just reserve the sexual area just for you and not be with anyone else?” because its basically what it came down too. And he knew it. So its like Ive already told him we arent exclusive anymore, and well hes still in my life? Yet he tells me if I date someone else he wont be. Its almost like a threat to me? I dont know. We both know how damn close we are, granted if he went out with someone else at this point, I REALLY dont want to be told about it. I think its just best to keep that to ourselves because it will be tough, on both ends. Because we do have love for eachother.

But yeah as the evening passed. I was thinking more and more of giving me another shot. About how I have limited the ways he can be in the life of my kids and I as he said. How I have had expectations but I said mixed messages. So why not stop all that and really see what its like. Even Mr C told me to start spending time doing fun outings with the kids, since he said B and I connected so much in an adult world as he put, minus the children. That Ive made it to easy for him to just have that side of me, Ive created it that way. So start being around him with the kids on outings, see how he is.

Im not making any final decision right now, just batting ideas around in my head. I have counseling today after work, and my counselor was sick yesterday so not sure if she will better today, so I hope I can go and talk about some of this there.

My middle sister called yesterday. We talked for awhile. My siblings all met up on Sunday for lunch, I wasnt able to make it. And I was curious how it went since my brother and his wife have separated. My sis said “Brother still isnt really talking about much. But hes looking to buy a house right now! So thats not a really promising sign of them being together if hes already wanting to buy his own home” He sees the kids every day of the week I guess and goes over to the family home still and does the yard work and all. And he has the kids one day on the weekend. So hes very much around them.

Well B just signed on, later