Triggers?
Dear Diary,
I just wrote B a letter. I shared briefly about what Im going to write in this entry.
We were talking about “triggers” yesterday in group. At times I often feel I dont go through what the women who were beaten went through. They keep telling us abuse comes in all forms, and emotional and mental is almost as worst because its on our heart and mind, the scars and the wounds. So many of us in group have triggers. And we were talking about healing, the therapist said as long as you are being triggered, you havent healed.
I started to think of the trip to the conference with B. We were driving to get something to eat, and we were in our usual quarrel of where do we go? And at one point he said “Well hurry up and decide or else Im gonna hit this palm tree” and he swerved the vehicle slightly.
I was upset. Bothered. I just threw the name of a restaraunt right there out and that was it. I had tears well up in my eyes. I was very quiet and he knew I wasnt ok. He said “I guess you didnt like my humor there?” I said “No, B Ive had my ex swerve across 3 lanes on a freeway while angry at me.”
So I was asking myself, was this a trigger? But to me its just inappropriate on any level to do that, even joking I dont find it funny.
ugh, something just came up, I will have to write more later…..