His Letter

Dear Diary,

His letter,,,

SO MANY THINGS IN MY MIND I AM NOT SO SURE WHERE TO BEGIN. aND FOR THAT MATTER

EVEN WERE I TO KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN IM NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY.

THE MORE I THINK ABOUT SOME OF THE THINGS YOU SAID LAST NIGHT THE MORE I REALLY

THINK THAT I HAVE DONE YOU WRONG, THAT PERHAPS I HAVE JUST QUIETLY RIDEN ALONG

WITH YOU AND THAT ALL IN ALL I AM UNAWARE OF WHERE I AM AND WHY i AM THERE.i

SAY THAT I LOVE YOU BUT I AM NOT SURE THAT IS EVIDENT BY MY ACTIONS AND AS SUCH

THOSE WORDS SOUND SO HOLLOW TO ME. i KNOW THAT I DO LOVE YOU, BUT WHAT DOES THAT

MEAN? YA KNOW? LIKE IF THIS IS HOW i SHOW YOU THAT I LOVE YOU THEN WHAT? I HAVE

TO FACE THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO. mAYBE i AM NOT READY FOR

THIS, FOR YOU, FOR MORE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE, AND PERHAPS THERE IS A

REASON FOR THAT. i WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU THAT I CAN MOVE FORWARD AND THAT

THINGS WILL ALL BE OK BUT i CANNOT.MAYBE I AM AS EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE AS

PEOPLE HAVE SAID OR THAT I HAVE FEARED THAT I AM, AND SOMEHOW iM OK WITH THIS

WHICH JUST MAKES IT THAT MUCH WORSE.I DONT KNOW SOMETIMES. FORGIVE ME IF THIS

ALL SEEMS A LITTLE DISJOINTED I AM WRITING IT IN SCRAPS AS TIME ALLOWS.AND I AM

JUST STREAMING OUT INCOMPLETE THOUGHTS AS WELL, I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING OUT YA

KNOW..? SO DONT GO TOTALLY RUNNING WITH THIS K? THESE ARE JUST INCOMPLETE

FLOWING THOUGHTS AND SUCH… WHICH LEADS ME BACK TO THE POINT WHY BOTHER SAYING

ANYTHING IF THESE THOUGHTS ARE INCOMPLETE BUT YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU WANT TO KNOW

SO ..SHRUG MAYBE I SAY I LOVE YOU AND IN MY OWN WAY I DO, BUT THAT MAY NOT BE

THE WAY THAT YOU WANT OR NEED. mAYBE I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF THAT. mAYBE I CANT

MAKE YOU HAPPY. MAYBE i CAN.YOU ASK ME WHAT I WANT AND I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY.

I CANT SAY THAT I HAVE HUGE IDEALS OF WHAT i WANT SOME OF IT IS JUST SIMPLY TO

BE HAPPY AND IM NOT 100% SURE WHAT THAT IS ALL THE TIME. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT

IT THE WORSE I FEEL THAT SOMEHOW I HAVE TAKEN YOU FOR THIS RIDE, CHEWING UP

YOUR TIME ON A HOPE THAT SOMEHOW AT THE WIRE THINGS WOULD BE OK, AND MAYBE THEY

WONT…THEN WHAT? AT TIMES I PONDER THAT I HAVE NO FOLLOW THROUGH, THAT I AM

ALL CHARMING AND SHIT IN THE SHORT RUN, LIKE SEDUCTIVE FOR A PURPOSE BUT THERE

IS NO DEPTH TO THAT. iM SHALLOW, OR THAT THE THINGS THAT ARE DEEPER INSIDE ARENT

GOOD THINGS, I FEAR THAT SOMETIMES. i KNOW IM NOT A GOOD PERSON ON SOME LEVELS

AND I FEAR THAT.SHRUG WE ALL HAVE OUR DARK SIDES AND SOME ARE DARKER THAN

OTHERS.I DONT REALLY KNOW WHERE THIS IS LEADING SO I WILL DIGRESS.

i DO CARE THE WORLD ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE VERY SPECAIL TO ME AND AT TIMES I KNOW I

DO NOT SHOW THIS TO THE EXTENT THAT I COULD/ SHOULD/ CAN?I PERHAPS NEED TO RE

LEARN A FEW METHODS OF EXPRESSION.ITS LIKE I WONDER HOW BEST TO CARE ABOUT YOU

AND PERHAPS NOT BEING “WITH” YOU IS AN OPTION(ONE I HAD NOT REALLY WANTED TO

CONSIDER)I GUESS I JUST DONT SEE JUST BEING YOUR FREIND.. DOESNT MEAN IT CANT

BE THAT WAY IF NEED BE BUT I JUST DONT SEE IT YA KNOW?

WELL I FEEL LIKE CRAP TODAY. i DIDNT SLEEP WELL AT ALL. IM STILL GETTING OVER

BEING SICK AND I PRETTY MUCH FEEL LIKE CRAP. ITS GETTING HELLA BUSY AND I CANT

TYPE THIS AND WORK AT THE SAME TIME TODAY SO i HAVE TO GO.

hOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY

TALK TO YOU SOON LUV YA