He Wont Say Much
Dear Diary,
I just woke up. I fell asleep about 8pm. Its almost 1am now as I write this. I was so tired since I was up till 2am the nite before. Boyfriend was going to the gym and I had called him, the convo was once again pretty non exsistant. I said “You have been so quiet lately” His response “I have nothing to say” Im trying to think of what it is, I think for me is I have no idea how he is doing. He says hes ok? But he doesnt share much emotion, nothing much about what is going on inside his world, so its very hard for me. He talked briefly online to me about his new diet hes on. But other than that not much else. So the phone convo tonight I just sat there mainly, it was awkward. I just want to go. But he had to leave and said “Ill call you later ok?” So when I woke up I jumped up to check the machine, but he hasnt called, 🙁
Im reminded of my bosses words the day we went to lunch, “How long will you stay in this relationship before you say its time to get out?” Asking me if I knew when I had enough, would I be able to know when it is enough? And how long will I hang on and wait? I find myself already doing this,,, “Well hes working like crazy right now, dont throw something like this on him during a time hes really unavailable” or I fear my pulling back will cause him to sink into a depression.
So how does one express themself to their partner? I felt I have been, I am reaching a point where I know that I do love this man, but once again, he has issues to face, that at this point in his life he isnt able to work on, face, or what have you, or he claims he is working at them but he isnt able to share it with me. Which basically is a nice answer and all, but when do I get let into his closed off world? Im your girlfriend dear, Im hear to be a support.
How long will I wait, what words do I say to express my unhappiness? Or do I just end it without saying all the words, I guess I keep hoping for something to happen, for him to perk up, to say something different, for the tide to change. I just dont feel like a part of a couple, I feel like Im out here by myself as it is, I just wish he would talk to me. 🙁