Sigh

Dear Diary,

Well Im trying to wind down. I am aware even as I wrote my last entry about giving our burdens over to God. Thanks J for the email, 🙂 Like you said, I know its easier to say then do. I was talking to God as I was driving, I also just have this side of me that has been trampled on for so long. Its very uncomfortable for me to be aggressive and stand up for myself. I always tend to second guess myself feeling “Wow, maybe Im wrong?”

The boyfriend told me yesterday that hed try and drive up tonight. Oh I so hope he can :). The weather is a bit cloudy and slight rain, nothing major, but Im not sure if he will want to drive in it. I sure hope he still comes over. I so could use his arms to rest in and just hold him. His weekend is all odd work schedule so he wont have any nights really to get away.

I seriously wish I could just go into auto pilot and take a rest from all of this and someone else would man the plane.

Im not a drinker, but tonight I opened the fridge, there were 2 Smirnoff Ices in the door, they are from last year when boyfriend and I went to neighbors party. So that tells ya how long theyve been in there, probably over 7 mos. I just want to drink one after kids go to bed, I would love to drink one now, but Im with them right now. I just need to relax.