Burden is Heavy

Dear Diary,

Im just trying to get myself together. I had to call attorneys office. They told me once again the woman I need to speak to isnt free today but tommorow. I said “Im sorry but I keep getting put off and Im not happy with the way this office is handling my case” She then put me on hold for the woman I needed to speak to. She then came on the phone asking me what my problem was and that today is not a day she takes calls. I said “I called yesterday did you get my messages? She said “Ummm no or I guess I didnt check” I asked me if I was unhappy and wanted to me with attny myself, I said Yes. So then they said I could see him the 21st. I said “Well ok in the meantime can someone even tell me what is up with my case and where it is at? Nobody can even tell me the status of things accurately” and I pointed out the errors. They transferred me to attorney himself and I said my concerns. So he says to me “well you have changed your mind from separation to divorce, back and forth. I think that is the problem” I said I was aware of this, that wasnt my issue, my problem is being told something will be done, then it not getting done then me having to continuously call his office to make sure it gets done.

I just told secretary it was as if blame was shifted on me for changing my mind and confusing matters with ameding the papers. Secretary said to me ” Did you ask him “Who pays you? Who paid you to this job for me? I can change my mind as many times as I want, you are hired to do this” She said not to let blame be placed on me. THis is there job.

Im entering this new world where im having to be aggressive and stand up for myself and my nice sweet accomadating attitude just hasnt been working. Its so hard for me. Im still crying as I write this because its so draining for me.

So the attny said to bring by tommorow documented papers of what my Ex has done in the present and not the past file I turned in. I said Ok.

I have to still wait till the 21st to see him but he said he will find out the answers to my questions for me.

Well here we go, its scary for me. But I have to take the side again of being the sole parent in all of this and show my Exs behavior once again. I always seem to second guess everything and feel people will laugh or not take what I say serious or think what hes doing is “That bad”

Im just having a day where I feel as if my shoulders are just too heavy.