Ex Blahs
Dear Diary,
The Ex called yesterday. To speak to the kids. He had told them last week he was sending them a surprise to everyday they ask me if the mail man has brought them anything. He told them this last week. So all I can say is “No its not here guys” Then to watch their dissapointed faces each day. I hate when people tell kids things like that. Especially when they give a date. Its such a let down, my Ex has no idea that these kids countdown things on the calendar and dont forget such words.
My mother commented yesterday how the kids are shifting again. Alternating in how they feel towards their Dad. For awhile my oldest was apathetic over his Dad. And my younger one is the thrilled about Daddy one. Since the last visit my oldest always talks about going to the midwest to stay with Dad( which will become an issue in court, sigh) But for right now I dont say a word because I have no idea how that will go. I just say “We shall see” to my son when he asks me about going out there. Yes the father who forgot about them twice at Home Depot at Christmas in the aisles. When I said something to him he commented “Well Im not used to having anyone around” and him telling me he feels so detached from them when i told him they need interaction with him. So as my oldest is talking on the phone about wanting to go and visit dad my young one is sitting on the couch with his blanket and begins to yell “IM NOT GOING! IM NOT GOING! I DONT WANT TO GO THERE!” I had told him to shhh since it wasnt his turn on the phone, but he kept saying it every few minutes, then the oldest told Dad who Im sure could hear him yelling in the background. So finally youngest has his turn to talk. Mind you I dont think he says more than 3 sentences to his father on the phones, its generally “HI Daddy Im watching tv, you wanna talk to my brother or Mommy now?” and hes done. He is craving hands on interaction and could give a rip about a phone call. The oldest on the other hand just chats away. And I hear him say over and over “Dad? I love you” So little one gets on phone and I hear ” Cause I dont want to! I dont wanna go there. Because I dont want to! Because its Cold there!”
I took the kids to childrens church last night after this and when I picked up the kids I find out my oldest hit another boy during a Dodge ball game. I asked him why, he said “Because I got hit with the ball and the kid started to laugh at me and say HAHA, teasing me” I asked him if he got in trouble and talked to and he said yes. My oldest is the mellower one, but when he gets angry, LOOKOUT. He has this aggression underneath, which concerns me. Anything involving teasing or messing with his brother, he will defend. Which is cool and all but one doesnt have to resort to violence. Another reason why the childrens group is good for them. Then my little one broke down crying on the way home from church saying he missed Daddy. Those moments are tough. Its like what can I say? Other than “I know honey” Its like they have no idea really yet, that their father doesnt have to be so far away, that he could be closer to them, but he chooses not too.
So Im not sure if it was the phone call with Daddy or what, plus they had there childrens session earlier so maybe something was stirred, although the topic that day was “What makes you happy” I have a session with a Therapist tomm finally from the center. So Im going to go over many of these issues with her and also I need to have the talk with my children about the marriage being OVER. Im dreading it but I have to do it, so just want some input in best way possible. Im also trying a new girl tommorow to babysit my oldest. Shes a Christian girl who is 18 and has been homeschooled. She is the daughter of one of my sisters teenage years friends. Ive been really trying to find a sitter so this is the first person Im trying out. So she will watch him during my session tommorow.
Well after the Ex spoke to the kids he asked to speak to me.
Ex”Did you get my email?”
Me”No? When did you sent it?”
Ex “monday, it was about the taxes, which child am I claiming on the tax refund?”
Ugh I was dreading this moment. See originally we talked about each claiming a child, Me always trying to think of him and be fair and think of his feelings and putting myself aside. I called my sister last week about filing separately. She then talked to me about Head of Household, which i looked up info on separation and divorce and that I qualify for Head of Household status and I get to claim both children, this is dependent upon my income, amount of time children are with me and I forget the other factor. I had no idea about this so I entitled to it. And damn I should be! Who raises them! So needless to say Ex was not happy. He said “So you arent doing what the paper work states?”
Me “That was a prelimanary draft, you got frustrated at the marital settlement agreement and told me to just do whatever I wanted and you gave up on it. Nothing has been signed or set yet, and I had no idea about how the taxes would work until I spoke with my accountant” So he said again “So you arent going to do what the papers say?”
I responded “Listen, you never signed anything, you never signed the paper sent to your employer, and you have no returned the attorneys offices calls”
Ex” What letter? Nobody has sent me anything, and I havent gotten any calls?”
Me “well they told me they did so you need to call them then and get this squared away”
Needless to say he was really pissy with me and I wouldnt get into it with him.
I told my mother afterwards he says he has never gotten anything or calls, she replied “SUREEEEEE” why is it he sounds so convincing to me? Its like I start to buy it but have to catch myself. He knew he needed to sign this paper over a month ago I told him so, he hasnt done a thing. I guess in some ways if this is how he keeps up with legal matters hes not really gonna be much of a problem if he just doesnt respond or show up or do anything?” I have no idea how this stuff works. I just want it over. Today I switched the final utility bill into my name. YAY! All thats left is the house in both our names and the loan. Which the title will be in my name but I cant get him off the loan until I can refinance or sell it. And I also have him on my Jeep registration which I need to get him off. It feels good though to be more and more independent of him. Im gonna be something, Im gonna go somewhere in life, Im tired of the damn financial struggles due to his spending impulses! I dont have to put up with it anymore!!!!!