Men Suck with V day?

Dear Diary,

I was really nervous last night. I didnt want to answer the phone all eve afraid my Ex would call and I just didnt want to deal with him. The flowers totally threw a confusing wrench in my brain. Which is what he wanted to accomplish. Its amazing how manipulation can work.

I called my sister last night. She married right out of higschool young like myself. Only difference was her husband was much older. She stayed with him for 12 yrs and had one child. She left him in 1995. After many repeated attempts and back and forths. It was the same story. Controlling, abusive man. He had more of the machisimo thing and ego trip going than my Ex. So she went thru so many similar things that I am going thru. So I said “Sis, I got flowers” She said “nooooooo” Then said “Hmmmmm I sense a little manipulation going on???” I asked her if she dealt with this, her response “Lil Sis, FOR 3 YEARS!” He sent me flowers for a week straight while I was living with my new boyfriend. He didnt stop until he had a girlfriend, but not even till last year have we finally been able to make peace and be friends” And thats a understatement, her Ex has just been simply horrible to her. Im still skeptical of his niceness towards her now.

She said to me “It would be nice if there reasons for sending the flowers were good intentions, but instead its “Hey Im such a great and wonderful guy look at me” Nevermind that they have treated you like hell, messed up your children and talk trash about you behind your back. I sat there thinking. Why is it me and my sister ended up with these kind of men? My other sister’s first husband passed away. So I have no idea really how her marriage was. She did tell me she considered having an affair at one time, talked it over with a woman at work, then got a wake up call and didnt do it. Now she is remarried with 2 children and I honestly cant say I know what her current husband really is like, I love the guy, but hes one of those that doesnt talk much. And my sister just doesnt say a lot.

The one thing about the women in my family. We are all very hard workers, self sufficient, excellent with finances, and responsible. So run down the scenarios…

Oldest sis, (divorced her first husband and lost EVERYTHING) She left 12 yrs of marriage with the clothes on her back and her car. She met current husband and they lived in 1 bedroom apartment. My sister gets all his bills in order, helps him refinance things, helps him gain custody of his daughter, takes his daughter to her therapy and helps her work thru her child abuse issues, helps him buy his first house. See this man was living in an apartment beforehand. We are good planners, good at taking care of things and getting everything in order. Sis did this with her current hubby.

Next is Middle Sis.

Her first hubby was in such financial mess and they lived in a back house of a house he couldnt afford payments on. He was on the verge of bankruptcy. When he died they were now living in the main house, sis had excellent job, nice cars, and in the middle of house remodel. She got all his mess taken care of.

Second Hubby, was in the middle of some rental property he had going to foreclosure, sis steps in and irons out all the messes. Now they have a beautiful NEW home near the beach and are currently adding on. They are living VERY well off.

Me, Heck I didnt even really make much $$$. But my Ex had debts at age 19 from just being careless, he made good money but didnt know how to manage it. 6 weeks before we got married I took over the finances. I will say our credit report was excellent! We started at the bottom of the barrel but I made sure bills were always paid on time. So when the time came several years ago we were able to buy a house and his truck NO PROBLEM. I kept everything in order despite his spending problems. We would have been debt free by the end of this year had he just left everything alone. Just a house payment remaining. But during this year separation hes racked up over $12,000 in debt that I am aware of, numerous speeding tickets, wrecking a rental car and them after him for the money, etc etc. So what is it?? Why do we pick the types who are such a mess and we go in and fix everything? Why cant we find someone who is more an equal?

Just makes me curious about this.

My mother still lives with my father. But it is a loveless marriage. She came over this AM and saw the flowers and went WOW, they are very nice long stem ones, not cheap roses. She said to me “Do you remember after your Dad retired he bought me flowers, and candy for you? Your father never did that sorta thing before, then all of the sudden he started, when things were so damaged between us. It didnt matter then to me.”

I sat there and reflected, remembering back to Highschool. My Dad would sent my Mother flowers for Valentines and their Anniversary. My mother wouldnt even smile or blink at them. And I used to get so frustrated at her and think how sweet it was my Dad did that. I said to her once “Mom? Dont you like them?” She replied “Why does he do this now, instead of when it really mattered?” I thought my mother was ungrateful at the time, and thought my Dad was “Trying” Which I had no idea about all the counseling attempts and terrible things my Father did, My mother just resigned herself to stay in the marriage but the relationship as husband and wife is dead. So she commented on the flowers, how my Ex always forgot these days, didnt do anything, and now he is? WHY?

What is it with men I meet and Valentines Day? Im so exhausted over the emotions of this that I pretty much really dont care at this point and just wish I had placed no importance on Valentines Day. After going thru it in my marriage then the whole thing that happened with the guy Im dating. Why are guys so turned off to Valentines Day? Are their any men out there who do wonderful things? I want to hear, cause I dont know any 🙁