Losing it with Kids?

Dear Diary,

Goodmorning.

Woke up to my oldest beside my bed saying “Mom, I have no long sleeve shirts” I replied “Well then youll have to wear something else” ugh dont wake me for that!

Then I hear him calling the dog. Ugh, he lets him out in the AM, since I let him sleep in the laundry room since its colder at night, but this AM the dog took off the other direction and wound up in my room and just decided to SIT right in the middle of my floor. My son couldnt get him out so I had to get up and shooo him out. I just dont want him in the house, Im not thrilled with him in the laundry room since he smells SO BAD. I swear this tumor is larger then a softball almost and its all outward and scary looking, I take him tomorrow AM to the vet to see if it can be removed(if he can handle surgery) I can even imagine what I will do if he CANT have the surgery. Hes doing ok, eating well, vital signs are good, its just this tumor is huge and exposed and he licks at it and scratches it.

And its growing more rapidly.

Anyways, Ive been giving the kids more responsibilities, they are now feeding the dog, and have to put him out in the AM.

I cleaned up in my office some last night. Its coming along so very nice! I just love it, its gonna be my favorite room, 🙂 Was just reading Jens diary where she wants a chair to curl up and read a book. That is my aim for one in my office also. On one wall to have a comfy chair or small loveseat, and a nice table and lamp beside it, a spot for reading, drinking tea, relaxing, get the idea? I must say Im impressed with my room remodels, this is my second one in the house Ive done, choose paint colors myself and themes, my bathroom was the first one, now the office. Not sure what will be next! I found a card at Home Depot. The ones with room scenes showing paint colors. And well they have this one with a Orange type color, yeah I know sounds weird, its a really warm kinda deep orange, and the trim of windows and all was done in white, the decor was dark woods and dark wicker furniture, sunflowers in a vase, and the colors, I just really thought looked nice! So I took the sample card home for my basket of paint ideas for other rooms ahead.

Found out yesterday why my electricity isnt working in most of my laundry room. Thank God the washer and dryer outlet works, but the rest dont. And when it rained really bad, the outside outlet got wet, I opened the cover and it was all chared and black, my mom said the rain must have gotten in it and shorted it out. Have no idea what that repair will cost. Its not a thing I need to do since thankfully I have the one working outlet for the washer and dryer, but the overhead lights and other plugs in no longer work.

The laundry room in my home was an add on, its HUGE, like the size of a small bedroom.

B called me last night, he was just watching movies on his day off, relaxing, did some laundry, and he said the little girl kept bugging him. He said she kept talking and messing with him while he was playing a game on his computer, he kept asking her nice, but he said he lost it finally since she wouldnt listen and told her to “Would you shut up!” I just thought of Daisey, I thought of my comment to her, I thought of Annikas diary yesterday talking about her kids talking back and rules having to change, ahhh yesterday I think many parents or people were having some issues with kids from all Ive heard and entries, So hey none of you are alone ok? 🙂

B wrote me an email today, said he had a meeting shortly to discuss him being employed and what they are offering him at the Co(hes been there as a temp)

This is a awesome thing for B!

Im proud of him. 🙂

I have been having a lot of internal dialogue over the B relationship. Yeah I love the guy, I guess Im just more so asking myself, what is it YOU WANT Victoria?

This relationship with B is ok for me, as long as I keep it at a certain level, sure I want for more, but at the same time, if I were to get the more is it what I want? Or should I say is he the one I want the MORE with?

Our relationship is differnt. Not my ideal picture of one. And perhaps Id feel differnt if I were with a different type of guy?

I was cleaning my office and I have a toy collection of mine, I was dusting it, its mine since I was a kid and its valuable, My ex threatened it on me when we separated, when its a possession that was mine prior to our marriage and he knew what to attack me over, what things are special to me. And I thought about remarriage and worrying about that crap again.

Being intermingled legally and financially scares the crap outta me. I mean why wouldnt it with all I have gone through?

Step parenting is another issue, feeling okay with someone around your kids.

So just thoughts going through my head.

OH! By the way! Tomorrow night is my first night of my college class. Im taking “History of Film” So that will be interesting! Im excited also. It just nice to get out, do something different, learn something, meet new people. And since I never went to college after high school its kinda fun to go now.

Well Im gonna scoot for now.

Later