Today and Thoughts

Dear Diary,

God Im so glad to be home! ITS Friday! No homework to do with the kids or worry about how much I get done before I go to bed and then work the next day.

Im sitting here with a can of 7up and a White Reeses Peanut BUtter cup, mmmm. No gym.

I did go at least once, so maybe Ill be a good girl and go this weekend, Im just going to try and go less, only because it just makes my schedule too late and I have to pay for childcare at the private school and these days there arent that many kids there so he gets bored too.

When and If he gets switched back to his old school then that part will change, but this is it for now. If I pull him out of the school Ill save and additional $200 a month, and thats just my half and not what B is paying. I will check with the school this next week if they have any open spots for his grade on his old track and teacher, but either way I may try and keep him in the private school till the holiday, he has a holiday program and a part to rehearse.

So I did see Cute Gym guy that day in the gym, he made eyes, came over and said Hi in between his working out, we chit chatted, he said “You dont look your usual bubbly self with your twinkling eyes, you look tired” I said I was. Cause I was, it was an emotionally draining past few days with the B stuff and the kids back to school and me back to more hours. I didnt want to go to the gym but did anyways.

He walked me out, I said “So how have you been, you good?” He said “No, I miss you”

We hugged, and he said goodbye.

Wonder if hes tried to call my cell # yet that is shut off and he wont get the new one. He doesnt have access to call me anymore.

It was nice to see him. See all the guys hes working out with.

None of my buddies were there, but turns out Cute GYm Guy went over to Ts, one of the guys I work out with, his house last night and he helped him apply for a job with the railroad online. Which is cool, hes thinking of working and doing something. 🙂

Not that he doesnt work, he doesnt maintenance and clean up at his apartments, but hes on disability and makes enough to get by and if he works he looses certain benefits he gets I guess, but for whatever reason he sees a need to get himself a job, he told me when I said I had things to figure out, he replied “Thats okay, I need time to get myself a decent job too”

He told me had a piece of paper on his dresser the very last day I went by, asked if I saw it after I left, I didnt, he said it said “I want Vicky back”

Okay okay, so guess who emailed me this week? Mr Comedy. Out of the blue asked how I was.

Mind you he was getting on my nerves constantly trying to “Network” with people I know and wanting me to refer him and all this crap.

I told him off basically and havent spoken since, took his name off my buddy list.

Its really weird cause this past week my kids asked about him and about Cute Gym guy, saying they havent seen them in awhile, 🙂 See my kids have liked any guys Ive had around, they see them as my friends, and well Comedy Guy and Cute Gym guy were fun and friendly to the kids.

So we have emailed a bit, I dont wish to try anything with that guy again, thats dead and gone, the guy cant get a job, hes trails off the ends of everyone else. And he seems a bit TOO friendly with kids, Im almost leaning to the side of concern on that one. So its just best its all done, I emailed him just asking what was up, hes moved back to his old city where I used to see him at. With his comedian friend pal.

No longer living with the actor, guess they had a falling out and they owned a house together. And still no luck in the women department, he wrote about the last few dates, one wanted to do things he hated all the time and never anything he enjoyed, and the other wanted him to constantly spend money on her.

Ahhh yes, shallow hollywood and all people, thats what he likes to be around, My guess is hes a trust fund kid as Music Dude put it cause the guy has money but does nothing but hang out and follow others around and talks about getting jobs but never really has one or does minor stuff here and there.

Im feeling a little better about B, my spirits have lifted some and I feel some appreciation. I was looking through some books today and want to check out “The 5 Love Languages” or whatever its called. My Friend D mentioned it one day talking to me, she said “What is your love language?” and id never heard that before, and she was telling me about the book, its basically about how there are different ways people show love, and it can vary with genders, and how we express ourselves.

So Id like to get it and read it in bed at night or something with B.

I think it would be helpful for both of us.

I also read some article on MSN the other day of signs he will cheat and all this other stuff and it was just saying how people need their own lives and hobbies and friends even in relationships, and that if you get all comfortable and dont challange one another it can get old fast too.

So Ive just been in a better mood, last night I just crawled into bed up against him and he said “Hi Huney” when I got in, these days Ive been in bed before him so it was a change last night, he snuggled up and held me tight and we just fell asleep. He comes in every AM around 5am as hes leaving for work, turns the light on and warns me first so I can cover my eyes, then we hug, he says goodbye, I tell him I love him and he tells me cute stuff like “Dont let the yucky people at work get to you!” Or this AM it was “Dont go hurting your eyes again today staring at too much film” (that happened yesterday, eye strain)

My little one hung out with B last night as he played games and they talked, oldest went to bed early so it was just the two of them.

Little one had been horrible prior to that, I lost my cool with him, which isnt what I wanted to do, but he gets so damn dramatic at times and freaks out i in turn get my blood boiling at his behavior. Like running around his room throwing things all fast everywhere when I told him to get to work on picking up, and he starts acting all crazy. Then I got a bag, told the kids yesterday Id be doing that now(got that from Nanny 911)the putting stuff on the floor in a bag. So he freaked out over that and got super irrational and begging and pleading and yelling and would NOT move out of my way. B came over and Im literally standign there ready to just smack my kid.

Ahhh yes, parenting.

And then he just be just such a sweetheart and good and helpful, my youngest that is. And Im feeling so bad for my oldest these days he gets little attention cause of youngest and he doesnt want for much either but he does need it.

Damn its tough being a grown up and responsible and so many things to take care of!

God imagine how life would be if I got child support! $950 more a month, I could afford to work less and have more for the kids.

We dont live poorly, but Id like to get them more new clothes and all. Im Mrs QUeen of Clearance Racks, and Grandma picks up pants at thrift shops and hems them and all for the boys, and ex buys them name brand stuff now and then when he has them. But Id like them to have more is all. Id like to put little one in sports and I was thinking my oldest would probably love some type of hip hop dance class or something like that. Hes not into sports, but he likes to dance and try to learn moves and is a pretty confidant kid and likes to perform.

So boss man came in today and told me I will start on tuesday to do auction stuff again. So Im hoping I can work in my old office those days since thats where all the new stuff is kept, the computer, the camera is hooked up and the drive and the scanner, and it will be nice to have a break from that room with Lady C and be alone and also the one bad thing with what Im doing now, is eye strain. Im watching film on a flat bed, old film. I document and write down whatever I see, its fun but its hard on my eyes.

And well you cant do it all damn day it gets too be too much, so will be nice to break it up. Lady C said something to me today about how I dont have to “Hurry” lol was how she put it and go through film. Im not hurrying. Im WORKING, granted Im sure Im doing way more then she has, and maybe when she first started she did this much too, dont know. But since what we sell is footage and are constantly adding to our data base and looking for some amazing stuff, its like a treasure hunt in a way to me.

I watched all week films of Europe, German, Sweden, Norway, Hungary from the early 30s, seeing people wearing swasticas and the flags on buildings and ships back when Hitler was in his rise. Its fascinating to watch the world then.

To see all of these old ships and sites Ive never heard of or places Ive never traveled. I wrote B and told him how just from watching 1930s footage so far, I want to see Ireland! Wow some of the ruins and sites there! And mind you these were people on vacation in the 30s, then I have to track down the places on the net, do research, and find the sites, and wow I learn so much history this way. I saw today the “Graf Zeppelin” which was like the Hindenberg.

And just so many neat places and things, and just watching people and their clothing and the old cars.

Bossman told me today as I left that monday he will show me where more these old home movies are to go through, that there are tons, Woohooo! lol

Thats sorta been my thing, I was going through tv shows and spots and documentaries and odds and ends before, but this stuff is more fascinating to me.

Oh and Lady C and her comment about me hurrying, the stuff I am going through, its sat for almost 5 yrs in her room. And I finished as of today! The whole box of this stuff! It was two boxes they purchased in 2000 and and never went through yet. So now they are watched, documented, Bar coded, and in the system and in there proper place now for us to use.

Thats the part that drives me though, is to find that special piece of footage, something amazing. And is never ending with what bossman has. We have one gem that was not known to be in exsistance till we got it and it is what made the business what it is today, and just recently we made a sale to a big tv person for another thing we had. so you never know what will come up! What someone is looking for!

I swear though, I need to find my career path, I have a good drive and dedication and do well with whatever I do, I just seem to lack the part to SET SOMETHING UP. I do better with a layed out plan I jump into.

Like I have my book, someone to help me get it together, he told me I need to me an outline and I havent done anything since.

And I know the book is a good idea. And I think I should do it. Its basically a toy collectible guide of what I specialize in but a special book on rare harder to find and the valuable only items. I own all the toys so I can photograph them and paper work to many and accessories etc, I have my title, and my idea of the cover, and how I want the inside but I need to do the footwork and sit and focus,,, thats my prob, I prefer to dictate and have someone do that part for me.

Okay gonna scoot for now, this weekend it looks like B and I will be ebaying stuff, hes been working on ads this week to sell computer stuff and hes got several ready so far but wants to do more, and ME? Well I have a whole garage full of crap that is never ending it seems so I can always find stuff to sell.

I need to get Christmas gifts you know! Eeeks and pay off some credit card bills!

Later!