Busy Mommies

Dear Diary,

Ahhh home.

Well Ive been doing so much research on the family in the old movies and finally have a piece of info to link to something! And I have been emailing with a man who lived in this area and wrote about it from his childhood. So hes been helping me out. So its been like this big mystery research project of mine, hunting for more and more clues.

I love this kinda stuff! Its like detective work. I go through a scene, document what I see, sometimes there are buildings with signs I can make out, and then I have to read the date code on the film, but since Ive watched so many some are easier to date because I know the kids and some of the reels were dated and can date things by their ages.

I was just reading New Chapters entry on parenting and being tired and being at home and dealing with things and all.

I used to be a stay at home mom and I was all into it, When I had my first child I did cloth diapers and organic babyfood and long walks and bathed him in sunlight, we didnt have tv, I just watched clean video tapes, christian music, really, it was a nice time to be honest, that year home with my first born and he was such a good baby and so easy going.

I started to babysit another infant, he was younger then my child. The mother was a young crude mouthed truck driver who my ex knew. She was pretty and petite but tough, and now she had a kid and taking it on the road was too tough. Her husband drove trucks also. Anyways I was babysitting LONG days, I cant even remember the hours, Mon-Fri, I believe she said till 4 0r 5 but would rarely show up on time.

The baby would cry, would puke up its bottles, He was little, Me I was nursing my child and he was mellow. She used to tell me when shed drop him off “Dont let him nap!” ???? Which to me is stupid, babies nap. They do so off and on when they are little. She wanted the baby to be kept awake all day long as she worked nights or needed her sleep she said.

I cant remember how long I did it, but there was no way I was keeping a baby awake all day long, heck that was work I tell you. I felt so bad for that little fella as you could really get him on a nap eating schedule with parents who drove nights and weekends and he had to go along.

And she wouldnt call me to say she was running late, heck her kid lived at my house as it was, at least call me!

Later on when the things started to go sour, the start I guess, well there were signs since we dated, but with my ex quitting jobs over and over and readjusting and his irresponsibility and spending on technical gadgets and all, the resentment started to build.

Heck by the time things were full blown crappy between us? I was in my pajamas all day, online most of the time. I took care of my kids, I made sure they were fed, but the oldest played so well to himself and loved disney movies and my youngest was a baby so he wasnt up and around on his own yet. I didnt make dinner, I was too tired too clean. My ex came home resentful of how I was spending my day and I was just so over it all and didnt care and didnt want to hear it from him.

I wasnt a slob, never have been, but I always liked things clean, like to have things nice by the weekend or whenever we went out of town or left for a day or so.

I spent my free time cleaning pretty much, I cleaned to deal with stress.

I talked to guys online and flirted and felt alive and retreated into my internet world. I dreaded when husband came home. I liked when he was away.

I did christmas cards or letters each year, I wanted to have parties for my kids or events, I was a people pleaser and always worried what others would think of me.

Its weird to look back.

I was all into Victorian decorating then.

Now Ive changed my taste totally, I have and HAD so many frickin nic nacs that Im getting rid of or have already, too much to clean or dust. I want clean and basic decor now. Dark colors and rich woods.

I want space and not so much clutter.

Ive learned that I dont have to have a clean house all the time, I let that go halfway after the separation from my ex. I was spending my weekends when the kids were with their Dad as my days to clean fully and do all since I was alone. And after awhile the weekends just flew by and I had time to myself and I wasnt enjoying it so I started getting away and letting stuff go. Id go to B’s or do stuff with him.

I miss being home, i would still like to work, but as I said, Work less. Work only when the kids are in school and get off a little before they do.

I like picking them up at school and asking them how their Day was. I like getting homework done way before dinner time instead of while Im making it and we are starving and then after wards no time for the kids to play cause eves are homework time.

I can appreciate both worlds, and I guess looking back I do have a lot more appreciation for that time I was home.

No I wasnt a super mom, I went through a really down period of barely eating and an internet junky. But I did learn a lot and am thankful I had that. My kids didnt have to go to a childcare center.

Ive not sent out christmas cards for I think 2 yrs now, which does bug me still. As I was so good about such things and not doing that stuff bugs me inside, but I cant do it all.

Its enough to get myself and the kids up and ready, go to work, take them to school, help them with homework, fix them dinner, get them in the bathtub and to bed each day, and thats the LEAST of it, thurs eve youngest has a thanksgiving program and soup dinner at his school we have to attend.

My Uncle will be here from Iowa that I havent seen in years, so tomm we will go over there, Thurs also is the funeral I want to attend. Today was a dr appt for oldest to have a check up so I had to take off work for 2 hours to do that.

The lady B commutes with, her son has chicken pox so she isnt working right now so B is driving himself. Hes not fond of traffic so this will be a test on his nerves as hes usually a passenger but now hes driving day in day out.

Last night was nice though, h e called me and talked to me most of his way home, after the kids went to bed we sat in the living room eating hot chex mix and pepsi and watched the Swan. Later we crawled in bed and cuddled while watching the Real World RoadRules Challenge type show.

I have piles of laundry to do, crap all over the house, my garage is so packed its driving me nuts and I need to have a yard sale badly.

I have lots to do! Little at a time. I swear one of these days Ill get all this crap outta here. Really I do have a lotta crap! One woman with 2 kids in a 4 bedroom house and a 2 car garage and no extra space for anything! LOL Everythings packed and stacked, My laundry room is half taken over, yes its a large laundry room, its a add on and could be a whole other bedroom if I wanted it to be, that how big it is, but its so full of crap stacked in there. I have a big freakin feather bed mattress Queen size I want to sell, Heck that thing was like $100 so I dont want to just give it away! Thats me, always seeing the dollar in something but then too fried to plan a yard sale…. Ill get it to it,,, right?