Ive been thinking about my Mom this AM. She told me something my Dad did on the phone last night.
My Mom just bought her first cell phone. My Dad bought her one many many years ago when they first came out. She said she didnt need one or want one. She also had been hearing information about brain tumors and cell phones. And she said “Why would I even need one?” So your Dad can call me and bug me?” Since mom worked local and there was a phone at the apartments she managed.
So my Mom returned it or something like that. My parents are very slow to technology. And they dont fully have the understanding of many things.
Well my mom is now traveling more, shes involved in Daughters of the American Revolution and they take trips. She also has been going out to dinners with lady friends a little outside of the area, and trips to see my siblings. So she said she wanted a phone now, mainly for emergency use for when she travels.
Now my parents are well off financially. They are the type of who dont spend frivously, they grew up poor the both of them around Farming. So theyve lived the hard life. So I think its why they are so umm conservative with their money. I guess what I should say is they dont spend it on jewelry, trips, fancy clothes, fancy cars, etc. They have a nice house, and oh geeze about 5 vehicles at the house. And my Dad has several parked in Utah at his Cabin. He goes there often and hunts.
So she had been phone hunting for weeks, trying to find one she likes, researching costs, plans, types of service, etc. Well she finally bought one. She said “Now I have to figure out how to work it” Well she said when she got home the other night the bill for it was sitting opened on her chair in the living room. My mom said it just showed a connect fee. She knew my Dad opened it, and put it there, but Why? Well shortly after he came in and began to yell at her. Said “I dont ever want to see that bill! Dont even put it back there in the office!” Meaning where the checkbook is to write out the bills. He said “Dont you write any checks out I dont even want to see it! You want to pay for it you get a Money Order!” My Mother said she responded with “You are a JERK” and said “I guess I will have to open my own checking account then” She said that my Dad later brought her a card for a bank that just opened with free checking and then told her “Have your social security deposited there also!”
My mother is relaying this to me, and then she told me she went and got a Money Order yesterday to pay for it at the post office.
I have always admired my Moms strength, My mom and I talk almost every day. And we talk about my Ex, the abuse, my support groups, books Ive read, things Ive learned. But the one thing about my Mom? She never left my Dad. She got counseling but said she took the approach “How do I live with this without going loosing my mind” I only heard my Mom talk once of leaving my Dad and that was in highschool when he went nuts on my best friend and banned her from our house for no reason.
My Dad in an alcoholic. He is irrational. He isnt a violent drunk. He is a loner drinker. But his mind, its jsut strange. He sees things in his own way and they dont make sense, and theres no way to get through to him.
My Mom could afford to live on her own, but shes around 60 now. Been with my Dad since she was 16 yrs old. We know my Dads health is poor, Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, overweight, and the alcohol, and who knows if Alzhiemers is a contributing factor to his strange memory or if its just the years of alcohol ruining his brain.
I think she may just be holding out until my father is gone? WHo knows. They dont share a room, they are roomates and business partners, but they have sold of their rental property this year except about 10 units that they said are tied up in their retirement and will be left for us kids.
When I was at the house last week the phone rang. A woman was crying and begging and pleading on the machine. Shes being evicted from her apartment. The whole story is screwy but my Mom has to remain out of it because my dad rented to her and is the one doing all the eviction. But now this woman is calling all the time crying, saying “What are you doing to me??? I dont understand this, I paid my rent on time” etc etc. Its something to do with her giving her 30 day notice, shes taking bankruptcy, and basically asked if she could take part of her lasts months rent from the deposit. They said sure since she was always a good paying tenant. But whatever has transpired that my Dad has done now its become this big drama. Granted the lady is acting out of line too, but me and my mom both know my Dad can create this garbage and make it worse. My Dad left town last week to Utah and my Mom knew this meant he did something and she was left to clean up his mess.
Anyways, I just feel for my Mom. Its weird hearing your Mom starting to talk to you about things your Dad is doing, and you know they are abusive, yet its strange being the child, and your Mother telling you this, its hard to talk to her like I would a friend or someone in my group. But its got to be really registering with her since all I talk about is group, therapy, etc and how to deal with mY Ex.
So everyone, please say Prayers for my Mom. As strong as she portrays herself, I know she is hurting.