After Divorce, Dating
Dear Diary,
Ahhh I have about 45 min to go. Then have to run and get youngest, see how his first day went, then do some errands with him in tow.
I was just reading this article on MSN about “Do I Marry a Fixer Upper?” lol was the title. You have to read it, at this link…
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2557&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544659
heres what it said..
Dear Mama,
I am a 31-year-old female in need of your help. I’ve been dating Dennis exclusively for about 18 months now, and the “M” word has come up (which, by the way, is not the problem). I must admit, he is quite the opposite of what I’ve always gone for. Dennis is 34 and currently an exterminator, he lives in an attic apartment on the bad side of town and drives a beat up 17-year-old car. He seems to be perfectly content with his way of living. He does not seize opportunities to better his life and is the worst with keeping appointments and promises. What I like about him is he’s nice and caring, a good cook, loyal, social, can be romantic and he’s a good conversationalist. My dislikes are that he’s indecisive, not established, short, bald and round, lacks drive and has low expectations in life. I know in my heart that I do love him, however, I don’t know if it’s enough to sustain that “happy ever after” that I someday hope to experience. My concerns are (realizing that looks aren’t everything) would I not be a good woman if I couldn’t look beyond my partner’s looks or truly listen to him when I know he’s just talking to be talking? I often wonder Dennis is really capable of raising a family and being an adequate provider. I’m striving to be unselfish and do the right thing, but I feel so confused… Please help.
â Dating Exterminator
Dear Ms. Exterminator –
Oh my, oh my, come rest thy weary head on Mamaâs knee and allow her to spin you a little yarn. We have to clear that sweet little head of yours and set you to rights about who and what a man is, so you can make a great decision. Did you ever hear the story about Beauty and the Beast? Belle, a lovely young woman, met this hairy fat beast with really bad table manners. He was gruff on the outside, but he had a pure heart. Belle fell in love with this beast. And it was through her love and training that he turned into a prince. See, guys on their own recognizance wonât necessarily aim very high. A beer and a channel-changer is about enough excitement for them. But a man with a woman by his side, a woman who wants things from him, a woman who sees his potential and is unafraid of asking the best of him, oh, my darling, that man has a shot at becoming a hero. Dennis is your friend; he is attentive to you and your desires, right? Thatâs a great start. Now itâs time for you to ask him for everything you want: Where you want to live, what career you want to see him in, what kind of life you want to create together. He has the potential to take care of you in any style you desire, just point him in the right direction and enjoy the unfolding adventure of turning your beast into your prince!
If you want some inspiration from your predecessors, check out how Nancy Reagan inspired Ronald. Or how Annette Bening inspires Warren Beatty. Or Goldie Hawn with Kurt Russell. Join the ranks of the brilliant man-trainers of the world: Women who use men to fulfill their dreams and desires!
Okay so that is not the usual response Im used to hearing in advice columns in such, so it struck me odd.
But in a way I have to agree with it.
I was sitting outside hanging with my Mom and Sister Saturday Eve, My sister came and stayed as shes staying at so many peoples homes these days waiting for the house she is buying and the residents to move out, ever since her split and former house being sold, divorce, legal matters, shes been staying at various places, waiting for things to finish up. So shes been staying at mom and Dads the past 2 weekends. So we sat on the porch, the three of us, Mom who is in her mid 60’s, Big Sister who is mid 40s and then me the soon to be 32 yr old. 🙂
And Big Sister was saying how she had goals now, when she was with her husband she said he had no goals, he just went to work that he provided nothing for her.
He felt that he bought her a house and that was enough.
And she said there was just nothing there, he didnt contribute to her at all, in any sense.
And I guess I think of my ex husband or even B.
Is it so terribly wrong for men to find motivation through providing and having a wife/partner/family?
Its like when B said “Vicky, if I didnt want to be with you Id be off working some minimum wage job and getting high”
I guess men are just such puzzling creatures sometimes, just as we are too them.
After reading part of the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,, I just see so many new things now, things about men wanting to feel like they are taking care of us, that we are happy, that they go to work each day, things like that, how we as women gripe if a man says we didnt pick up or make a meal that day, but if they said they didnt feel like going to work and did that most of us would pitch a fit at them.
Im not saying my sisters soon to be Ex is a perfect hubby, but they started working opposing shifts, my sister didnt have to work, but wanted extra money, she lived for the kids, to spend money on them and all that, but he would get home from a full days work, to two teenage girls and not seeing his wife but on the weekends. No more family time, no more dinners together, and he even told my sister he had a problem with it.
Granted there are times we do what we have to and sacrifices are made, but I just see how they were both to blame.
And Big sister told me about my Bros new girlfriend. I found it interestign as she told me this lady likes the finer things in life.
Now, my family is well off, my parents, but they are “Old Money” as B calls it. They dont have a flashy house, cars, clothes, etc. They have a big house in a nice area, several cars, my Dad travels often, has a cabin in Utah to go hunting and stay at. But they invest and do a lot of things and just keep their money growing.
None of us were brought up rich, we didnt have name brand or cool stuff or cars, our parents made us work for everything.
My Bro and Middle sister have done really well, went to college, good careers, both on good financial footings. But my brother was not flashy.
So I guess what I found interesting is, my brother meets this woman, my sister said she thinks he met her on the internet. My brother was a christian man, wanted to be a youth pastor, christian college. His wife supposedly was having numerous affairs is his version of what happened. Now they are divorced, he has two teenage boys, he meets new woman with a teenage daughter on the net, shes already moved in with her daughter, goes on my brothers business trips and left the 16 yr old and they wanted my sister to watch her all week, which she did, just be home in the eves with her.
My sis said she got my brother to buy himself a $500 leather coat, shes wearing a white gold necklace around her neck with a diamond on it from my bro, she shines my brothers shoes, cooks, my sister is all “Vicky she has a special bottle of Nordstroms laundry soap for swimwear” and all that stuff in teh cupboards.
Shes attractive, a chef? And a teacher? Or something like that? Im not sure, but if shes so well off and has expensive tastes why did she move in with my bro so fast? I dunno, just makes me a little concerned at the pace, granted they are adults and all, just seen too many people taken advantage of, internet dating, and quick courtships, and hes vulnerable just newly divorced, buying a company and doing well financially, just dont want someone using my brother is all. So hopefully we will meet her soon.
I guess I just work a lot slower! LOL
My sister said “Yes and our brother seems to have no problems accomodating her tastes”
And and B’s comments are “Well she must suck a good dick then”
Ahhh, the bluntness of men sometimes.