No J Lo! Stoppit!

Dear Diary,

Seems my head isnt clear enough yet to start out my day, sometimes I just have to write here and let stuff out to unclutter my mind.

So I heard JLo and Marc Anthony married. And I guess I have to realize we are all so fucked up in some way or another and makes one feel a little better about their own dysfunctions, haha.

But cmon J Lo, why this urge to keep doing the Wedding thing? Doesnt it loose its specialness with the amount of times you have done it so far and then that long engagement and pink diamond from Ben and all the TV interviews and the story of Ben and his mom decorating the house with rose petals and candles,,, and then BAM your off wedding again?

I have to say I do not have the marriage problem. But I see this occur with some people I know, one marriage is over and they are ready to do it again, and again,,, and Im just wanting to shake them and go. STOPPPPPPIT! I mean go have your fun, date the person, live together if you want, but dont rush to marry so frickin fast. How on earth do these people afford all of this crap???? And emotionally. Im so happy to be done with legal garbage, attorney fees, you name it.

And Im just in a weird mindest in regards to marriage.

I have been listening on one hand to Dr. Laura saying “Dont give it up till you marry” or people saying “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free” and you know all those phrases and such.

And then when that old guy, the one whos going to redo my shower said “The way marriage is in our society is man made, back in the day people were married and they just wrote their names down together in the front pages of the Bible, today its just set up for financial reasons and division of property”

And I just started thinking over what is different when it comes to really getting married?

You take on the other persons name, your possessions become both of yours, and ummm you can get some tax breaks and get on one anothers health insurance policies.

Those are really the extra benefits. And is that a reason to marry?

I always just wanted to be married and have a family, not be divorced or any of that, and now the idea scares me so badly, and why does it? Because you never know what will happen. When it comes to anger, emotions, upset, people get nasty in divorces, regardless of what they say up front. I know, been there done that!

And no way in hell do I want to go through that again. So in some regards I do belive it would be almost better if I were to remarry to wait until my kids are raised and move out and then its MY time.

I believe a couple can be commited, just as commited living together, but if things do go poorly, they just split and go separate ways, no legal haggling and crap.

They can still contribute financially and all of that and help one another and share in responsibilities.

I had mentioned something to someone about if I were to get married having a Prenup and they said “A Prenup means nothing in California, any good attorney can rip those apart, and they can say they were “Written under duress” etc etc..

Well thanks for scaring me even further, LOL

So I went to traffic school, it wasnt too bad, had a good time, just glad to have it over with.

My kids woke me up at 6:30am tho Sunday morning fighting and yelling, I was so ticked off, thats one thing, if Im woke up on a weekend to that, my blood pressure sky rockets, something about waken up out of sleep I get super angry, so I had them both go back to their rooms and told them not to come out till Im awake, they were up 10 min later making noise eating breakfast!

I said “Who said you can come out?” My youngest said “But Im hungry” Im all “ITS NOT EVEN 7AM YET! You guys dont even wake up this early during the week, your not going to die if you have to wait a little bit” and I sent them back to their rooms.

Then last night oldest called youngest a cussword and youngest hit him in the head and I ended up taking them both inside, scolding them both, they couldnt play any longer and had to go to their rooms.

They are really getting annoying with each other as of late, that constant taunting, aggravating, antagonizing crap. Neither can walk away, both escalate the situation and I told them Im tired of it, that they arent toddlers anymore and to grow up and learn to walk away.

When i got home last night I went out and washed my Jeep, then after the kids fight I had them inside and decided to go mow the back lawn. I did the whole thing faster then normal. But since B helped me take down the old swingset and clothesline post, nothing was in my way now or to navigate around.

I sprayed down the patio and watered the plants, and then the kids ended up coming out and we just stood there, me and oldest with our arms around eachother, just peaceful, he pet the dog, hes been lonely as of late as none of us have been out back, and then youngest came out and the kids started the banter again and I told little one to not even speak or turn around and go back to his room.

I didnt want to even hear it.

So I really didnt get anything done IN THE HOUSE this weekend other then laundry.

But I got the lawn done, Jeep cleaned, and Traffic school done, so hey thats good in and of itself.

2 more weeks of school and homework nights with the kids, then coming up soon Ill have a whole week with no children when kids go to their Dads, and I have a weekend booked in Santa Barbara for the 4th of July.

I cant wait for my free time. I also cant wait to hear back about when the guy will be able to start my shower… and get the door on my sons room.

I have been thinking about painting, I still have 2 hallways Ive never painted. And Ive been thinking of eventually redoing my bathroom. It looks nice and its no rush, and the color is pretty, it just doesnt really go with the rest of the house. I painted it lavender and the the tiles are white, so its really pretty colors. But the rest of my house totally doesnt match. And my other bathroom, once i get the shower redone and the baseboard put back down will look ten times better, but its all dark, neutrel shades, and the decor in their is a mixture of oriental and all various crap. I have chinese things, Egyptian, mythical, but all the pieces go well.

And then I have my lavender and white girly foo foo shee shee bathroom that doesnt really go with the rest of the house.

Well Im just thinking out loud at this point, daydreaming,, so gonna scoot.