Anxiety to go
Dear Diary,
So Im supposed to head out soon to go to Ca. Im dragging my feet. I always get weird when I am to leave to go away, I get a sense of anxiety and dread. Im good once I go, but why do I do this?
I just want to be home, I have told hubby “You are my home” in the sense I like being where he is.
I enjoy my time away, but there is also nothing like home and nothing like having your best friend in the world with you.
My gf is packing up right now to move again. She is my closest gal pal back home and the person who Ive maintained regular contact since moving almost 4 yrs ago. I see her every time Im in town.
Her situation just shows God over and over. Yes its been difficult and stressfull and painful but you see Gods hand. She went through an awful divorce, her ex is worse then mine and her court dealings. Her daughter is 17 now, she has one more yr till she can legally “MOVE” but the courts did allow her daughter to not have to go visit Dad, so she hasnt.
Anyways, since his affair, bi polar behavior, court garbage, E filing for the divorce, custody, etc. She lost a large home by a golf course and antiques and family things, she downsized. She also came to the Lord as a result of this divorce. I met her after she became a new person and we had a lot in common as I walked the road shes on just before her and was able to be there for her.
She moved into another house, she needed to reduce her expenses more, so she and her daughter moved into an apt. Then they had an issue with a gal they met there and her grown bipolar son basically obsessed with her daughter when she was 15, she moved out of there, and found another little house, in the right district for her daughters school. So that is where she has been, but that was move #4. So now all the sudden, drama in her neighborhood, police cars, she found out prostitution house across the street, the gal in the house behind her was just taken away for a felong assualt and found out the gal was dating a skinhead.
Police on the block often. Then her water heater leaked, then the home owner died of her rental so the son said hes selling it. She is just saying “No God I dont want to move again I like my little house” and not having any savings for a deposit etc for a new place and her job income is on comission and not having a good month.
Well she called me and said “Well I think I know why God is moving us now, my stepson just informed me, my ex and his gf(who he had the affair with) are buying a house up the street.
The day the for sale sign went up in her yard, is the day her ex moved in. Great. He is stalker type and already has emailed her saying “I live only 3 blocks from you, I see the sign, when are you moving and where are you staying?”
A couple from church she has spent a lot of time with , he is a fire fighter, have offered to let she and her daughter move in, pay off her lawyer fees and get on her feet again. She prefers her own space, but she has been praying for a Man around, but not ready for marriage again, so she said “So I guess God is providing a man in our lives, just not as a husband but as this married couple from church.
So she is cleaning out her place right now, she just sold her Piano, been in her family since she was 4. She has moved it every time and its expensive and she said she cant keep doing that, she was also teaching piano lessons but it was time to let that go. She is having a yard sale on sat. I said “You are doing better then I am at getting rid of possessions” she said “I just keep thinking of that scripture…””Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.” Matthew 6:19
And its a big reminder for me to keep getting rid of things, which i go through periods of super motivation and then I slow up. I have needed my alone time and space back, which figures I get with hubbys new job but he didnt start till today, so I get one day alone.
So I will have to pick up and get going again after my trip away.
And then I got out last night to look for some checkers and come home with another dresser and small table.
So I am having thoughts to take a trip/tour to Israel, if I didnt mention it already. I would so love to go with Jonathan Cahn! (note took a moment to see if he has any upcoming tours, and he does!!!) November! Oh wow, I would so love to go, would love to have someone to go with though. I dont know that my hubby can get off work…. so need to pray. Im even willing to go on my own but a friend or church friend would be great also. Here is the tour…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=35&v=j9JDPgXbp38
Pray for me, have no idea whats ahead, and my passport takes 4-6 wks to arrive. Funny how Im saying Im having anxiety to leave right now and go to my hometown, but then Im wanting to travel to Israel! Its more of what my heart wants to be doing right now, Im actually wanting more guidance from the Lord and just am sensing a need to sell items, be more mobile, possibly be leaving the USA with the hubby in the near future and exploring that option.