Changes

Dear Diary,

Ive gone through some changes. I was just thinking about this.

But they arent bad changes, but I see the changes in the relationship with B and I.

I have to say, the breakup, putting everything out there, the hurt, the things I expected, all of it, was beneficial also. I didnt plan to get back together, but I did have a lot of heart to heart talks with him, and well things just happened the way that they did.

So what have i noticed different with myself?

IM more okay with alone time, Im not as eager to rush off to his place and spend the entire weekend with him, sometimes I just want to stay home and head out the next day, just to do stuff at my house and all.

Im not wondering where he is, feeling out of the loop and shut out, he phones daily now, even if its brief, and its okay. Im not upset about it. I feel more at ease and good with him.

I can come home from work somedays and not even call him and he may call near 10pm and Im no longer wishing and hoping and wondering if he will call, he does call!

I used to go through 3 days of nothing, BLECH!

Those days are gone, and with that gone, Im not upset anymore and freaking out either, and Im okay if I dont hear from him. Even though I do now, even if its brief, he might just say how tired he is and hes falling asleep and I said goodnight. And Im not upset.

Im not upset about sex any longer and wondering what his deal is, but my sex drive has mellowed out also. That one is a bit interesting for me, because when there was a lot of stress in the relationship, I was more sexually assertive, now Im not, I can honestly do without it some days. HA!

It feels good though, because my emotions were so up and down with him, tears and upset/to happy good times, over and over, a terrible yo yo ride. Even my friends heard this over and over and didnt know what my deal was.

And now its settled down.

I dont know where the future is headed, And I dont have to know really to be honest.

Its fun to dream and talk with B. We didnt do this before.

Right now we are both in pretty decent places, hes doing a lot of growing up. Just since our breakup, its amazing what has happened with him in the last 6 mos.

Hes getting himself a good career established.

Me Im just busy with paying the bills and raising my kids, homework time, school work, their education.

Things are going well, but there is also no rush, and i have to remind myself of that. B isnt rushing me.

So why put the pressure upon myself?

Oh and the Real World/Road Rules Inferno ended last night. Im so glad Katie made it to the end and won, that girl went through so much! She deserved the car!