Early Riser

Dear Diary,

Eeks, Im writing this entry at 5:51am.

I couldnt go back to sleep after B left about 4:30am. I laid in bed for about an hour, turned the tv on and its infomercial city. Blehhh

I dont need to get up yet, but my mind was all over the place. So here I am.

Damn I really should be sleeping cause I feel sorta crappy.

OH! By the way, I now have a Cable Modem! YAY! YAY! I have never had this before and I love it! My speed is soooo fast, even B was jealous as hes Mr Computer guy and has had high speed access for years.

We also rearranged the office furniture, which Im happy with too, I have so much cleaning still to do to this room though.

Well Im peeking out and the sun is up now,

I said some things to B last night, things I needed to say, its not easy, and I have been doing this more as of late.

I get emotional though, fearful?

I was confused by some statements he made as of this past week about moving in with me, and asked him about his original statement of moving out here and getting a roomate first and not living with me. He said that was still his plan(Although his comments said otherwise all week) He kept talking about “When I move in” he bought me phone at Costco and wanted one for himself but then said “Well when I move in we wont need both” and also reference to us being able to save money, etc etc. I guess I just got the impression he threw out his “Move to my area” idea and was talking moving in. He said No.

And then I discussed the kids. How hes not really bonded with them. How hes serious, how hes quiet and has he noticed how separate he is from the “FAMILY” part of me. I asked him why he is quick to point out wrong doings or repeat after me when they act up. Instead of saying “Hello, How was your weekend?” when they come in the door. How they dont say goodnight or hug him, just stuff like that.

And no Im not here to MAKE him do those things, I just pointed out to him that its not his place, and he agreed, said it will no longer happen. He got a little quiet, I got nervous, tearful, we just laid there in the dark. I get scared that we are going to get into a fight and hes going to shut me out. But he didnt. He said “I feel so much of the time youd be better off without me” and he made a reference and said my life was so happy with Gym Guy. I said “Oh it was? You seem to forget all the things I called you crying about that werent good about him? Hes not perfect, and Im with you now arent I?”

I told him “You told me and sent me an email when we broke up from your Long Time Teacher friend, where she said “Victoria is a Mom, she has kids, and if your not willing to love her kids and be a part of their lives, then walk away from Victoria right now” and he said that this is what he wanted.

After we talked he asked if me if that was all I had to talk about, did I need anything else? I said “A hug” and he just held me and I cried and said how I feel scared. We just hugged eachother, he wrapped himself around me.

And I soon calmed down and I was able to relax and we went to sleep.

The rest of the weekend?

He came up friday. Cute Gym Guy called me again and I didnt return his call. Its 3 fridays now hes called me and I havent answered or called back.

I went to the Locksmith to get my Jeep driver lock fixed. I spent fricking 2 hrs there! And after I left discovered what the guy told me was BS or else he was just out of it in the head.

Im not in the mood to type it all out, but I called my mom after and she said to phone the manager and tell him what happened and what the guy said to me. He basically said he had to rekey my door, and was baffled how my key ever even opened it, then messed with my original key to rekey it and said it would open my passenger door(which is same lock for my trunk) and said Id need to replace all the others now and that I need to come there as its “Tricky” and difficult for someone somewhere else to fix.

So I got charged $15 for the rekey on top of the $40. I had been there so long, and I was starving so when they gave me the keys i left and didnt check the passenger door, I just believed the guy. Well I checked it at home, IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And im all ????? Why on earth was he telling me it wouldnt? So the rekey and new key made open all the same locks still? Yet he told me to come back there ONLy cause it was tricky and I needed to do all of them and that my passenger door didnt open?

B said they were basically thinking Im a stupid girl or something. So I have to call there today. Damn, just typing that makes me pissed off again.

B and I went to the mall, and went clothes shopping, which was kinda fun as we both had money to spend, and we went grocery shopping too.

B bought my a new phone/answering machine, it has the headset piece too! And he bought me some new sheets for my bed, I was going to get them but then he said “Let me get them for you for mothers day” As they were like $45, he said “Is that okay with you?” I said “Yes” and gave him a kiss.

We watched movies, we saw Big Fish, which was quite weird.

Saturday night we made a nice dinner with wine and ate on the outside table, with a candle, the canopy on the table with the umbrella, Frank Sinatra in the background and wine, that was really nice, just taking our time, it was peaceful, a slight breeze, we just talked.

Sunday we slept in long, and we both went to the gym. Different gyms this time, as the chain he goes to is up the street from mine and he has a membership that he can use at other gyms. And then we didnt have any tension between us working out together. I just came back by and picked him up. We then went out to a little Cafe for salads(which both sucked and I couldnt eat half of mine, yuck) So we went and had Coldstones ice Cream, shared one to make up for the lousy dinner.

He wanted to watch and older film “Bullit” we rented, ugh, lol, I sat through it but damn it was boring as all hell to me, and it just dragged. B wanted me to see it so bad.

Well I should go get ready for work and all…. Ill write more later…