Its a little after 11pm Thurs eve.
I finally talked to my Big Sister this eve. She called me. She literally talked for about 20 min at me. Just going on and on. It was kinda hard to listen, as this whole scenario shes in, its just so out there, so much drama, so much drama day in day out. Its just getting old. You can only put up with so much.
So I told her I was a little upset about the last time we spoke, and that the very person whos caused me pain and doesnt care what I go through or that he doesnt support his kids, comes to offer her “Support” I find disgusting. She said “Oh yeah, he is disgusting!” It was kinda weird as every time shes spoke about him before this was about how sweet he was, how caring, the nice things he said, how he made her cry, yada yada.
She told me stuff like “Well I dont know why I went out with him, I think I was trying to observe what my husband is like through him, I wanted to watch him”
And “Well Vicky, you have to remember Im older and wiser, and I walk around just saying “I forgive you” for my ex husband and husband each time they do something weird.”
And “Well Im sorry I hurt you sissy, it is yucky, he probably wont even call me again anyways, and if he does my number will be disconnected, BUT wait, if I do talk to him I can find out where hes working for you”
I ended it with “I divorced him, I dont want him in my life nor the life of MY family, and I dont need you to find out where hes working for me, I dont need you to do that”
She was a little out there. I told her I have had to get ANGRY at my ex. That I spent 12 yrs with him, and a good almost 2 yrs after the separation where I still felt bad for him, sympathetic, forgave, prayed, you name it.
I was a doormat, he was mistreating me, and he had control with fear, guilt, and manipulation. And it wasnt until I got angry and put that anger to good use by divorcing, setting boundaries with him, getting legal help.
Meanwhiles shes just relating so much bizarre stuff, the bro in law was coming over, she had to go shower. Ugh I cant even type all she said cause its so all over the place.
It makes me wonder who my sister really is, My mom isnt happy about my sis on Prozac and thinks thats why she is the way she is. Sis went to therapy once and said the therapist told her she had it all together.
Thats my big sisters prob, shes been on meds for years, and barely gone to any therapy to figure out WHY shes on the meds to begin with. Shes medicating and avoiding things.
Middle sis agrees big sis is out there, Mom agrees big sis is doing odd stuff, my abuse support group also says her behaviors arent cool, despite her situation, its still not cool.
And all I want to do is hug B, sighhh, he and I spoke around 10:30, he was so sleepy so he went to bed. Hes coming out tomm.A weekend alone at my house, its been awhile since weve had that, at my house that is… I usually go out there when its my free weekend.
I have to admit though, I love going out to eat and all the yummy places to go in his direction. But this weekend we will be home and having some homemade food, B is gonna be cooking for me. YAY!
He said he cant wait to hold me and kiss me.
I cant wait either. Ive toned down some since the talk we had that night.
I just want to hold him.