Drop Class?

Dear Diary,

Evening.

I want to drop my class.

Or whatever you have to do, get an Incomplete or whatever. Ill probably write my teacher an email tomm.

I know I know, it sucks.

But its not the kinda class you can take and do a chapter in a book, I have to create the book chapter,, and I havent had the motivation or desire to work on my story.

And we have to totally share in class, and if we dont have it, we are on the spot as to why and then have everyones input thrown in and then have to do some work on it there, yada yada yada…

So if I get an incomplete, I can retake the class again,, instead of get an F(at least I believe it works that way, B did this in his Screenwriting class also)

B has been on me to go and not stop. But I just keep putting it off, Its been almost 3 weeks since Ive been there ( one week we had spring break off, last week kids were home sick) and now here I am and I havent lifted a pen to t he paper, and I really just dont want too.

Or I can flake one more week on class, and see if I get my ass in gear and write and come back the following week, I can still email the teacher. Ive only missed one class so far. Far more then anyone else in the class from my being in it since day 1. Sighhh, I just am so not into it these days…. Too much going on in my real life,,,

Also realizing I cant be Super woman all the time.. getting sick threw a wrench in my schedule and the kids chicken pox, Im still not up to speed of where I want to be and I want my normal health and energy back.

My days are work, laundry, dishes, dinner, kids homework, kids bath time, kids to bed, phone with my boyfriend..

Weekends off I like to get away with B. Weekends home I do yard work, and clean house, and get the kids cleaning and the kids outside playing, and have B over, and hang out, and shop, etc…

Ive got a lot going on (haha Im trying to justify this to myself, but its okay, if I want to stop the class, its OKAY)

I feel guilty or something I guess.

My oldest is working on a book report right now. Little one just has to read still.

Im proud of my kids. I just look at them. I think of all that is happening with my sisters husbands kids that called her Mom and now are tossed into a world of selfish adults… and me and my sister know, that the same would happen to my kids if they were with their Dad.

He would not be on them to make sure school work was done. He would not make sure to watch their health, dr, dentist appts, vitamins, brush their teeth…

And they wouldnt have a lot of supervision. They would be trashing talking cocky little things if they were with him all the time…

Their Dad cant keep a job, cant get his own place and they share a bedroom with him when they visit, he cant get a decent vehicle that runs regularly

I have to say the one good thing I think my ex has, that can be shared with the kids. Is his sense of adventure, love of outdoors, physical activity… thats the one trait I have to say I do like about him, and that I fear a little also because my ex isnt always responsible, he pushes limits, hes a risk taker.

But he takes the kids exploring, rock climbing, hiking, to rivers, they went exploring old mines, etc…

Ex also is talented in General Construction so he has a lot of abilities to make things. So as I said, those are the good traits.

My sister had said to her bro in law about her husband “I sure did make him look good didnt I?”

And same goes for my ex husband. What is it with us women in my family, all 3 of us girls have strong money sense, making a home and stability and all that.

My middle sister who is married still and happily, her husband had fianancial probs when they were dating, she helped clean his crap up too. But now he has a really high paying job, they have a nice cute house in Long Beach, the added on, nice cars, a boat, my sister quit working and is a stay home Mom now, they just bought a pool. They are pretty much set, my sister worked a long time and has a degree or whatever in Accounting, she does work at tax season still from home, but other then that shes home with the kids.

So it would seem her husband got it and got his act together, but I know at the same time with my sisters help. Because he wasnt doing so well until they got together.

Its like my ex needed me their to coach him, to urge him to work and not quit and stay motivated. I was the one that found where we lived, that set up the bills, that wrote out the bills, that managed the money, that made sure bills were on time and worried over it, the one who took on partime work to cover when he screwed up, Im the one who mowed lawns to make $20 a week to pay my parents money he owed them?

If my ex was the one left in our house we bought, it would have been foreclosed or something because I know how my ex is with paying bills. He lost his truck because of this garbage.

Anyways, Im going off here…

My girlfriend D emailed me, invited kids and I over Saturday for a bday party for her son. She also told me Sunday when I called she and the boyfriend want to get married on the 4th of July, since I told her B and I were going to Santa Barbara for the 4th, she said they want to get married at a Winery out there, will see eh?