Dont Mess with My Man

Dear Diary,

Morning. Im a little bummed. Not over anything in my life, but my friend D called me this AM, talked to her on the way to work.

I know its her problems, just cant help but to sympathize, see yourself in others when you were in a different place ya know?

Shes supposed to come over tomorrow eve and we will talk. Not sure that I will rent a room to her or not. Told her to just come over tomorrow, see where I live, see the place, the room, etc. Our talks may not even go any further after that ya know?

She is being told by everyone in the christian community that this is Gods Will and that shes being punished for her behavior and that she will end up dead soon as this rate, that God will take her life.

Now this probably sounds out there to many people, but I was under that same type of talk. I remember when my ex’s brother was killed in a auto accident, I felt at the time God took his life for moving in with his girlfriend and disobeying God. Yes I did believe that for a time. 🙁

She said “People are telling me its God’s hand on everything, and I disagree, I feel like its husbands hand”

So shes all jumbled between confusion, God and the Bible and interpretations, etc etc.

I just sit baffled. At how a Woman who was married for 13 yrs, a stay at home Mom of 3 who homeschooled always, now only can see her kids every other weekend, and her husband isnt even allowing her to phone and talk with them.

It tears my heart out. She went in for mediation and her husband refused to budge on the arrangement for her to see the kids more, and now they want the kids to get counseling, which in some ways, I pray to God it will help? That the kids will be heard?? What a trauma to deal with all of this for them, their world has totally been turned upside down, and yes both her and her hubby are to blame, but dont punish the children. I asked her “What is he saying about you in court??? How is he getting away with this??”

Granted the boyfriend deal I dont think is wise, but is that enough to seal her fate with her kids??

He also gives her nothing financially and her court date to get alimony and all that is in May. She said shes tutoring right now, and got a job at a Art store teaching a class. So at least she has a little money coming in. But she told me the boyfriend moved into her sisters with her. But hes like “Obsessed” with her as she put it. Which was the red flag I guess that made me wary, I dont want to deal with that garbage around my house. She said she needs to do the right thing and she needs her own space(Why she had him move into her sisters is beyond me???) So I said “Well if you move out what will he do?” She said “Oh probably still live at my sisters”

So I dont know where her head is right now. Thats why I invited her over, to see my place and talk, I havent agreed to renting at this point, but just want to talk to her.

So please everyone say Prayers for her.

Ok so onto My life.

I was online with B last night, and I dunno I was a lil moody, he wasnt saying much, seemed occupied. So I said “Looking at porn?” He laughed and said “Me? Noooooo LOL” Then said “Actually Im talking to S” I got more pissy inside. This is the chick Ive written about before that I dont like, The one his buddy ( his vegas buddy and old gym partner) has a thing for, but the chick kept stringing him along for yrs and they still never met.

So hes all ” S got her tummy pierced” Im all, :::Hurl::: I didnt say anything, hes all “Want to see?” I said “Not really” I knew that would trip him off that I wasnt cool. I dont like this chick, dont trust her, never have, and yeah dont want her flashing her tummy piercing at my man. Shes a freakin tease in the chat room with guys.

So hes all “Ok so what did I do to fuck up this time?” I said “Did you do something?” Hes all “No” I said “Im just sifting thru somethings that I dont know how to deal with right now” And he said “Like what?”

So I just let it out, I was honest, in all our time together I havent said that I disliked that chick, but now I was going too, B tells me his thoughts on guys I know, and is very critical, opinionated.

I said “Well you should know I dont like S” Hes all “Any reason?” and I basically blurted it all out, from start to finish, I wont type it all here, but things have been said or that have occurred since B and I began dating. I used to be friends with his buddy, before B, his buddy liked me, one nite in the first few mos of dating I was talking about how much I liked B to him and he made some comment about a buddy not needing to talk to his buddys love interest, And so he and I havent really been chat buddies ever since. He doesnt talk to me anymore, other then HI, even when I see him in person. We used to talk online, mainly about fitness things, but I always thought he was cool.

And he knew B and this chick S talked. S supposedly likes his buddy, they talk on the phone, horrendous phone bills, they have lil cutesy matching screen names like they are boyfriend girlfriend, they have these public cyber sex chats in front of everyone, its been like this for years. Yet she teases the guy, tells him shes coming to see him numerous times (one was the bday part of his last year, he was so excited, and she never showed)

She is a model and I found pics on B’s computer once of her, all sexy and seductive, no top on, not showing but enough so you get the idea, why on earth does B need to see those? If his buddy is into her? Ya know??? So Ive never liked her. I walked in once and shes all “HI POOKS!” To B online, she is all gushy to B in the room, she calls him on the phone, WHY?

SOOOO, I let her have it, totally, I told him I dont trust her, shes a tease, that Im a woman and I can see things too, he said “I can see what you are saying to, I dont disagree with you, I never know how to read her and I guess that intrigues me about her” then he said “And I guess its some part of my old effort seeing myself in the past and trying to save the world” Im gathering he was saying trying to help someone in life, shes probably about 21 or so. So I said “Oh helping via sexy snapshots” That shut B up fast.

So I guess it felt good to make it known and say it all, he listened, and he didnt disagree with me. And in the end I said “B, Im not stupid, the chick tells you she would meet you but not him(his buddy who she supposedly has the hots for)?” Cmon!

Mr Comedy called last nite, and I was telling him about it, hes all “Shes trying to get to B thru him” I dont know if thats true, who knows. I said I think she wants everyone to want her. She is young and flaunts her sexuality, but is a tease about it, and guys seem to eat it up, and put up with her games I guess hoping for some chance with her? Who knows? But just interesting she crops up to talk to him and he said it had been awhile. ( hmm perhaps she just heard buddy and him had the Vegas trip?) And then to show of her piercing to him, go away Bitch. Yeah Im all protective here, dont mind me.

Well after that was my spring board to address a lot of topics, and questions, B and I ended up chatting a few hours, over a lot of things I write about him here, that I dont understand. And so I just went for it last night.

I have to say, Its as if we are both on different pages in life. We both have different outlooks on situations, I see one thing, he sees another, then we assume our point of view of how the other feels, and its off most of the time.

Ive really worked hard at this myself lately, but I can see hes not totally getting it yet, so last night broke a lot of that down.

It was a great talk to be honest. I addressed our sex life, how he is and all of that. I spoke to him pretty much about a lot of what I write here about him in that regard, and well I got it all out there, and I told him what I need from him also. I dread convos or talking about things, for fear it will cause a fight or something and with B, well things usually can be talked through, and I think last night was a breakthrough. I have it at home, if my computer doesnt lock up before I save it tonite.

B said he will come out tonight. 🙂 He better!

Mr Comedy asked me what i was doing this weekend, Invited me along with his comedian buddy for the weekend, does sound fun, but probably not a good idea. Sighh, His friend is performing in two comedy clubs, so they are taking off Fri eve, coming back sun AM, so it will be a whirlwind weekend, but he often does this with this guy. Said I could come with.

Mr Comedy keeps saying “Well if B pisses ya off, give me a call, Ill come see you” And to me it sounds so desperate like he will take what he can get of me, why would you settle for that if ya really care about yourself, and how does he feel about me to just accept leftovers? I dunnoooooo

Between him and Mr Obnoxious I have 2 guys who always seem to be around, be there, let me call them when Im down over B, listen to me cry, tell me I dont deserve it, then tell me how much they like me, Obnoxious just says “Ive gotta stop professing my love for you” haha, and he tells me Im everything he wants. And these guys just keep repeating it over and over. Its flattering sure, I dont know, at the same time I dont think to highly of them for the comments of, when he upsets ya, call me. Kinda like just waiting in the wings to be there for me, hoping for a chance. I know that game, being all the sympathetic listening guy ear to a woman in need, and then well… you know the rest!

Anyways, Im gonna scoot for now!